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Original poster

Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

544 replies

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:48

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

OP posts:
JustCabbaggeLooking · 09/01/2026 20:14

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:54

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

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Cunts trick. You should have told them.

OutOfVecnasReach · 09/01/2026 20:11

Wait, so were your ‘old’ friends alll set up and waiting for you to arrive on NYE and you stood them up?

Zoec1975 · 09/01/2026 20:07

Sorry for your friends you should of told them

CountryLifeForMe · 09/01/2026 19:58

What would your reaction have been if they had ditched you for new friends? Did you actually tell them of your new plans so that they could arrange something else?

Dancingintherain09 · 09/01/2026 19:58

Could you not have invited them along too. Ie 'actually this year we are doing x would you like to join,' even if they said no which is probable you've at least told them your plans.

Rosealea · 09/01/2026 19:58

That's a really shoddy and immature way to treat people.

How would you like to have been dumped for a set of shiny new toys? You may well regret your treatment of perfectly decent and nice people.

Hopingtobeaparent · 09/01/2026 19:58

TumbledTussocks · 08/01/2026 14:00

I think that’s very unkind behaviour. You should have been upfront and given them time to make alternate plans. It needn’t have been awkward just ‘we’ve been invited here this year so will do that instead.’

@TraitorsSandwich

This.

Snoringdogsfarting · 09/01/2026 19:55

You were very nasty imo. So you spent every NYE with this couple and then just ignored them when they spoke about it, never telling them that you wouldnt be carrying on the old tradition. With friends like you ……. I hope they’ve permanently ditched you and that your new found “friends” treat you in the same way

profile22 · 09/01/2026 19:54

Yeah that’s not very nice on your part. Why didn’t you invite them too?

MCF86 · 09/01/2026 19:53

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:54

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

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And you still need to ask the question?!
Not unreasonable at all to have other plans but very much so for how you handled it.

Washingupdone · 09/01/2026 19:52

You were both very heartless, you should of mentioned that you had made other plans when they mentioned it. True, you don’t have to do the same every year but not to tell them was unthinkable. People make plans months in advance, ditching them with short notice was very mean indeed.

FollowSpot · 09/01/2026 19:50

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:54

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

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Horrible behaviour.

It wasn’t on them to mention it again, and that’s a cowardly attempt at evading responsibility.

Of course you don’t have to always do the same thing , of course you can spend occasions with other people

But you agree it had become a tradition so when they brought it up… actually BEFORE they brought it up , since you already knew… you should have said “oh, just to give you the heads up we are planning NYE at xx this year. We’ll miss you of course but hope we can have a NY drink asap “

If you want to stay friends, apologise.

JennyBG · 09/01/2026 19:48

By the very fact that you’re asking, and now not even replying to comments, it seems to me that you realise what an absolutely miserable a*e hle you’ve been. Totally rude and unwarranted behaviour to a friend. Not a nice start to your friend’s new year.

OverVerdant · 09/01/2026 19:44

You certainly should have told them that you were making alternative arrangements after all those years.

RickertyRocker · 09/01/2026 19:35

By not saying you were undecided or had other plans months ago when it was raised, ywbu

Darls3000 · 09/01/2026 19:34

Nah. Not cool. You left them feeling abandoned and you should have tried to find a way to include them. You wouldn’t like it if it were done to you.

Efrogwraig · 09/01/2026 19:34

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:54

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

Show quote history

Well that was just rude. Unless you told them, how were they meant to know you were breaking a tradition? You owe an apology.

Onesipmore · 09/01/2026 19:26

Pretty mean tbh. Imagine how you might feel in that situation.
I'm not sure why you couldn't just say we have a change of plan this year?
Just burying your head in the sand is just so immature. Of course she was going to feel upset. You were snide.

ChampagneLassie · 09/01/2026 19:23

What strange behaviour. When they mentioned you should have said you had other plans. They’re upset because because you behaved really rudely and didn’t actually even tell them. They deserve better friends.

Arcticienne · 09/01/2026 19:23

Dear me. To even ask for opinions on your behaviour, is a dead giveaway away as to how thoughtless, uncaring, selfish and shallow you are. So - short answer - YES - since you ask .. your behaviour was and is Unreasonable. Sorted.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 09/01/2026 19:21

Fairweather friend you are.

Polite thing would have been to tell them as you know they'd expect to spend it with you and your DH.

You're making it sound like they wanted to tag along when it actually has been a tradition.

No way to treat a friend even if they'd ended up with other people.

MadMadaMim · 09/01/2026 19:08

Nobody is obliged but friends don't just leave people hanging and avoid letting others know because it's awkward

You were not only unreasonable, but really disrespectful, rude and cruel. Why did you not just tell them, oh we have other plans this year...

I'd be quite upset. Not that you made other plans but that you chose to not stay anything and let me assume we'd be celebrating together

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 09/01/2026 19:02

If you don't want to socialise with people have the decency to tell them.

Hi Rod & Jane. We're not going to meet up this NYE, we have made new friends & want to hang out with them.

Why would that be awkward 🤔

MumWifeOther · 09/01/2026 19:00

TraitorsSandwich · 08/01/2026 13:57

Because it’s a group of new friends we’ve made not just 1 couple so it wouldn’t have worked to also include Friend and her DH

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That fact it’s a new group makes it even worse! You should have hosted it at yours and invited new friends and old! Odd not to, childish.

Notquitethetruth · 09/01/2026 19:00

@TraitorsSandwich cold and callous behaviour (if true)