Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

Shes understandably hurt. You've ditched her for new friends

Fuck me this is so bloody rude of you?? How on earth are you so socially unaware?? Of course you can change your mind about any social event, but you do it in a socially acceptable way ffs!

You would no longer be my friend.

You handled it very poorly. You should have been honest that you had made other plans. It was a tradition so of course they assumed that you would be coming to them or they were going to go to yours.

Either way they probably would be hurt but less so if they had known in advance. It does come across as you value this new group more than longstanding loyal friends. I hope it does not backfire on you.

You behaved badly. You should have said there and then that you weren't free.

It was really shitty of you not to tell them. You owe them a big apology.

I think you’ve handled this poorly. No wonder she feels hurt - you didn’t say anything when (understandably, given the past few years) mentally she was planning another NYE with old friends. You don’t owe her every NYE but surely they deserved a bit of honesty and tact…?

You basically told your friend that their offer isn't as good as that of these other new people.
In return she told you she was hurt by that.
You can do what you like. You can't do what you like and have people approve and be pleased with you if what you like hurts them.

Ywnbu to want to change things up and spend nye with whoever you wanted

Ywbu to not discuss it with them. They spoke to you about hosting and you didn't really respond for fear of being awkward. So they probably thought that your plans were going ahead as usual, or that you didn't want to celebrate, not that you were celebrating and had plans, just not with them. I can see why they are hurt

Awww you should have told them if you value their friendship OP. You’re not wrong for having other plans but you are wrong to not tell them considering it’s a bit of a tradition. Most people would be hurt by that.

Of course you ditched them for new friends.

also it’s very possible to introduce a couple into a group, if you want to. You just didn’t want to.

at least be honest with yourself.

This was cowardly and not a nice way to treat your friend. You should have been honest when she invited you, not just ignored the invite and made separate plans.

Your friend is hurt and reasonably so, because your behaviour was hurtful.

I do think you were unreasonable not to tell them at the time that you were making other plans, especially as you knew several months ahead

It sounds like you didn’t handle it very well

Well, you couldn't have handled that in a worse way even if you'd tried.

You would not have been unreasonable to change your mind about plans, even if they are a tradition, and gave an early and clear notice about it.

The way you did it would obviously result in hurt and upset. I hope you treat these new 'friends' better, I imagine your old ones will be justifiably hurt and will start to distance from you.

Reverse?

This is where you have gone wrong when they mentioned it a few months ago you and your husband should have said something instead you say you felt awkward which suggests you knew you were being sneaky.

Not surprised your friend is upset with you. It’s not nice being dumped for new friends.

Im not saying that you should spend every nye with them but you could have been more tactful and told them beforehand. You have handled the whole situation terribly.

She's hurt and I understand why - I would be too.

Not sure why you couldn't have invited them too, you don't know if it would have worked or not. Unless there's a major issue you're not mentioning what does two more adults in a group matter? Especially as the group obviously is open to new mates as you and your DH have recently got close

You also should have said something to them to make it clear in advance

It’s fine to make different plans but you handled it a bit badly by just avoiding the situation.

I'm confused as to why you're confused to be honest.

You acted like a teenager. You basically ghosted them, found new people to hang out with and didn't even have the decency to tell them?

You sound really tactless and unkind.

If you felt awkward you must have realised they were going to be hurt why could you not have explained your longstanding arrangement with these other friends and included everyone.

Did you tell them this?

I think that’s very unkind behaviour. You should have been upfront and given them time to make alternate plans. It needn’t have been awkward just ‘we’ve been invited here this year so will do that instead.’

You made a choice and now your friends are justifiably hurt.

Why did you feel awkward? Because you had already decided to ditch them and didn't know how to tell them? That is awkward because you know you're hurting them and it's no wonder they aren't happy.

So when did you actually tell them OP? It does sound like you were inconsiderate and hoping they weren't going to mention it, which is a bit shitty as they obviously try thought they were spending NYE with you.

Who hosted last year? Them?