Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

You and your DH sound like children.

Really poor behaviour.

I voted YANBU but having read your further comment I think you handled it very badly by not having the guts to let them know your plans didn’t involve them.

I really hate it when people aren't upfront. You had an opportunity to tell them and you wimped out. This is what causes the bad feeling. Curious as to why they couldn't be included?

Oh that's terrible

Your poor friend

It sounds like you were evasive with your friends despite the long term arrangement and then excluded them from a group get together. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have been included. Surely if it was a group it would have been easier to include your old friends, not harder? There were more people to mingle with.
It sounds like you spitefully dropped your old friends, spitefully excluded them from the new arrangement, and are now looking to mumsnet to justify it.
Think how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

Exactly.

it’s such an easy fix. They could’ve included them in a group setting. Or at least asked.

Are you serious - i would absolutely ditch you and your husband as friends - you made new plans and didnt even have the courage to tell your 'old' friends? Are you both 16? Awful way to behave to friends - i hope your new friends know they will be ditched soon when you get bored... and i hope your old friends find people who value them.

Were you worried that your new friends would really like your older friends?
Main character syndrome comes to mind.

That’s shit of you guys

Why would it not work? I've had parties where I've invited friends from different groups, and everyone has rubbed along just fine.

No wonder your old friends are pissed off, you've handled this terribly.

Of course she’s annoyed. You both handled this badly. And you know it! If you’d been grown up and just said to them in advance “sorry, we’re going to do something different this year, how about we get together in January” it would have been fine!

Don’t get on the defensive. Just apologise and rescue the friendship.

Choosing to change the tradition is fine, but not the way you have gone about it!
Its really shitty to have just left them hanging and not said anything.

We’re the other group hosting, not you?

and you and DH need to grow up. They tried to sort plans and you just didn’t say anything. You could’ve just said you were doing something different. It’s really not that hard.

the fact you got awkward means you know you should’ve just said something. Very childish way to treat friends

So you abandoned them for a better offer and didn't have the courage to even tell them that you were making other plans?

I mean, you aren't obliged to spend New Year with anyone just because that's how you have celebrated in previous years, but you've made it pretty clear that neither you nor your DH value this friendship at all, so it is hardly surprising that your friends are upset with you. Hopefully, they will be able to find some better friends this year!

You're very clearly in the wrong here, especially after your update about "feeling awkward" and not even telling them.

You felt awkward because you knew it was a shitty thing to do to your friends and that they would be hurt.

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

That's beyond rude.

To not even have the manners to tell them you were ditching them for a better offer is horrendously rude, I wouldn't be surprised if your friendship ends of it.

I wouldn't be bothered about someone ditching for NyE, but I don't do friendships with people with no manners or respect and that was horrid of you.

That’s really shit. Dropping good long term friends for new shinier ones is a dick move. Not telling them and acting awkward and secretive about it is another.

Yeah, that was a really shitty thing to do. You should have told them and the. They would have at least had the chance to make other plans. Unbelievably selfish of you to just leave them hanging and sort your own night out.
Can you really not see this?

All you had to say when they mentioned hosting was that you've already made alternate plans. Wtf is awkward about that? You've handled this poorly and likely lost a friend.

Why didn’t you invite them both to join in? Or cancelled well in advance. I think you were a bit underhanded and immature, very playground behaviour.

YABU for turning down the invite when it was offered instead of being honest.

I never understand why people feel so strongly about keeping groups of friends apart, especially in a party scenario. Presumably everyone is a decent adult?! People meet at parties, get along well or are just sociable for the evening.

YABU for not being honest in the first place and for not inviting friends to your party (if you were hosting. If you weren’t, the first YABU still stands)

How did this happen without further conversation?! Did they just wait to you on NYE with no further confirmation? Doesn’t really make sense

I should think that is the end of that friendship.