Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

Shes not annoyed, shes hurt. Don’t try and butter them up if your new friends ditch you. You have damaged the friendship by not being honest.

So you've made a group of new friends and decided to ditch your old friends and exclude them from your new group. Of course they are hurt. I hope your new friends are more loyal to you than you have been to your old friends as I'd be surprised if they want you back.

So at this point why did you not tell them? Not saying anything because it’s awkward and hoping they’ll just go away is pretty shitty teenage behaviour.

i also don’t understand why you couldn’t have said to the new friends “we’d love to spend new year with you but we have a couple who we usually spend it with - mind if we include them?

YABU.

Years ago I got ditched for shiny new friends. Until something went wrong in the ditching friends life and the shiny new ones dropped her like a stone. She tried to slink back to me then but it was too late.

Don't be surprised if the same thing happens OP.

I agree.
@TraitorsSandwich as soon as your ex friends mentioned new year you should have told them straight away that you had other plans.

It was a horrible thing to do to let them assume they were spending new year with you. You have sent them a very clear message that you have ditched them for a better offer.

I read threads on here all the time from hurt posters who have "friends" like you.

I hope they move on and make some other new friends.

So yes, YABVVVU

What a shitty thing to do to your friend. She has every reason to be upset, you dumped her. You still haven't explained why you couldn't have invited your friend and DH out with the new group. Not cool enough for you?

I originally voted it's fine to not see them every NY, but, you then updated to say they'd mentioned about them hosting and you didn't say otherwise. No wonder they're upset.

She’s not annoyed she’s hurt and rightly so.

Id be upset if a close friend ditched me for some shiny new friends however if the situation was handled properly I would get over it.

You should have spoken up when they mention NYE to you and said you’d already been invited else where and either offered them to come along or suggest doing something NYD or another day over the Xmas period.

You handled it badly and you should apologise and let your friend know that she means a lot to you still.

You had a pattern of spending the evening together and you didn’t speak up when they mentioned to up and coming date so they were right to assume this year would be the same as previous.

You are of course fine to spend NYE with who you want. MBut if it’s a longstanding tradition you should have given your friends plenty of warning or included them too. The way you handled it is really rude and cowardly, and they’re right to be hurt. Not telling them meant they were left in limbo and didn’t know whether to make other plans or not.

So you couldn't handle an 'awkward' conversation with your friends of many years so you just ignored any discussion of NYE plans? By not being upfront you denied them the opportunity to make other arrangements. If they had done this to you, how would you feel? Hopefully, by next year your shiny new friends will have worked out what a shitty couple you are and treat you similarly.

Nope you were rude and thoughtless no you don’t need to be with them every year but you tell them. You didn’t and for me that would be a friendship line crossed

But no one is suggesting you have to see these people every NYE for the rest of your lives, like some kind of unbreakable vow. What people are saying is that you handled this badly, and that your cowardliness, bad manners, and inability to be direct about having alternative plans have come back to bite you in a way they wouldn't have if you'd been upfront about your plans ahead of time.

You dumped them for a better offer

You should have spoken to them about it

Life moves on which is fair, but totally acceptable for her to be hurt and put out. Never nice when good friends and a routine you really value is sacked off in favour of others.

What does that mean?

I voted YABU because you should have asked them along to the party with the new group. Friendship is something you share, not hoard.

Personally, that happened to me I’d feel pretty hurt to be honest.

Or was it a swingers party & they didn'y want their "old friends" knowing lol.
shitty behaviour OP. I'd feel hurt too

Your reason for why you coulnd't include them in the invite makes no sense - so what if it's a group?
I think you've got shiny new friends and aren't interested in the old ones any more.

Another load of "friendship group" piffle.

I hope your ‘new’ friends give you the boot!

Of course you have the right to spend NYE wherever and with whomever you please.
if you have not communicated that to the friends you previously spent NYE with and there was a suggestion or agreement you would spend it with them thats very hurtful and rude.
I dont understand why your long standing friends couldnt be included because youd made a new group of friends though (sounds a bit yr 9 playground stuff tbh)
You could have said ,well in advance that you weren't available to spend NYE with them this year and that would have helped the situation.

So it "no longer works" for you because you've made shiny new friends instead?

Better warn them you'll ditch them when someone new comes along

So we had this happen to us. We have hosted 3 couples and their kids every year for the passed 4 years. They are a mix of friends that don’t normally socialise together and we have the biggest space which is why we always host. This year one of these couples meet another local couple on holiday, they got on well and so did the kids. They tried to integrate them into the existing groups at different event but it didn’t really work. This year they were invited to their new friends for new year - fine no obligation to come to me! But what i didn’t like was no offer to say actually we normally spend new year with these people so we’ll host and everyone come to us!! It was just we’ve got a better offer bye!! It felt a bit shit to be honest