Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

You were so bloody rude for not telling them straight. Not surprised they're angry.

I think you could have handled it better - it does seem a bit callous to not let them know in advance what your plans were.
I’m sure you’d feel hurt if they had done this to you.

Yes, that was a really shitty and juvenile way to deal with your dilemma. Time to grow up. Start by apologising to your friend and behave like an adult in future.

I thought you were fairly unreasonable until I read your updates. You and DH are snide for not being upfront and dumping old friends for shiny new ones.

How would you have felt if it was the other way around?

This is the part that makes you very, very unreasonable.

It isn't unreasonable to do something different from previous years, as you move through life, but YWVVVU to not let your friends know at the point you had decided to do something else, so they, too could have arranged something else, rather than leaving them assuming everything would be the same as it had previously.

That's not great at all. You should have told them properly that you had other plans!

Definitely agree with this. Would also add it's not unreasonable for a friend to feel upset about a shift like changing traditions either. That doesn't mean you're obliged to maintain them but nothing wrong with your friend feeling and expressing that either.

Either OP comes back and says, 'thanks guys - you're right, I'm the friend and I didn't know if I was being unreasonable to be so hurt'... or 'hmm, interesting, so opinion is divided and lots of people agree that I shouldn't have to be committed to people just because we have in the past spent NYE together, no need for some of the nasty comments'.

Or, never comes back at all.

It sounds like your friends are (like you) the sort who enjoy spending NYE with other people.

So you realise, of course, @TraitorsSandwich, that they may have turned down offers to spend NYE with OTHER friends because they thought they should honour the usual arrangement with you? That had you told them in good time you had decided to do something else, they could have taken other friends up on these offers?

Things change and evolve, no one can just do the same thing forever. Assuming of course they didn’t find out you had other plans on Boxing Day

From your friends perspective you ghosted them for a better offer from new and more exciting friends.

So yeah I can see why she’d feel upset about being disregarded like that after years of friendship. Can you not see her perspective?

Of course it could have worked. You attended as a couple. Would have been easy to just say "yes we would love to join you, we usually spend new year with our friends X & Y, is it ok if I invite them along too". Problem solved.

You didn't care as long as your alright. You sound like a shit friend. Happy to ditch your old friends in favour of something shiney and new, without even having the decency to tell them so they could arrange other plans. And then you wonder why they are pissed off 😂

Yes- what you did was a bit shit tbh.
I’d have been very upset too.

You sound just like a friend of mine who chooses to keep all her friends separate from each other in case we should ever dare to become friendly with them ourselves. Horrible behaviour.

So you weren't honest with them or decent enough to have an actual conversation around a change to established tradition, YABVU for that aspect at least
My 16 Yr old had a similar dilemma in that her bestie was talking about arranging something for the 2 of them as they weren't into the idea of hanging out drinking but it turned out an activity agroup she's involved with was organising was on that evening. She was honest with the friend and arranged to meet her for food to celebrate a bit earlier, because she's a good friend and didn't want to upset her. As an adult I'd expect you to at least address the situation

Of course it could have worked. I have always taken more than merrier approach to friendships. I think it's a huge shame you didn't at least offer this option.

But I hate thinking people can be this thoughtless to longstanding friends

At least if you had had the guts to tell them with plenty of notice they could have made other plans

I think you were rude. You could have just said you had other plans, been invited out.

But you've made it look like your old friends weren't good enough for you.

Your behaviour was awful. I hope you take on board the comments here and apologise to your friends.

Yeah, you've blown it. You're not unreasonable to want a change and not to do the same thing every new year, although it doesn't sound like you've been going to your friends since the year of the short corn anyway.

Chickening out of giving them advance warning because you didn't want to adult has caused the actual problem though.

Is this a reverse? That's such an awful way to people

Yeah, you were really rude and unkind

Not in the Mn world where everyone is misanthropic and would regard being expected to talk to new people on NYE would be tantamount to a declaration of war, and to involve one or both parties posting on Mn on New Year's Day about whether they were unreasonable to be annoyed about people they didn't know being invited to NYE at someone else's house.

Yikes who needs enemies with friends like you!

Eh? Why not? Are people who haven’t met before incapable of speaking to each other?