Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

Not great behaviour towards your old friends - sounds like you’ve ditched them for your shiny new friends.

You handled it really, really badly and were weak, sneaky, cowardly and selfish. She has every right to be pissed off with you for that.

You and your dh are not much of a friend to these people. You should have told them but didnt. You could have invited them but didnt.

Oh FFS! They have every right to be annoyed with you, that was really shitty behaviour from you and your husband. You "felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything" - and let them think that the usual NYE was 'on'.

What you should have done was, months ago when they raised it with you, been honest and said something along the lines of 'well, we've been invited by A to join them and B, C, and D for NYE this year and we thought we'd try something different this year'.

Or, better still, when you accepted this other invitation you raised the matter with your friends about NYE, explaining you're changing it up this year.

Your friends would then have had MONTHS to make alternative plans, rather than finding themselves alone like a pair of fucking lepers.

That was really shitty of you, and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I can imagine that they would be upset or hurt.
Why didnt you let them know that you had other plans?

We host NYE every year and a large group of friends come along. Some years some of them might be busy and can't come but they are always welcome. We often meet new people during the course of a year and we just invite them along too. You'd be surprised how well all the different groups of friends get along.

Seems really mean. Not that you need to see them for the rest of your life but it would have been fair to have warned them in plenty of time for them to make other plans. You have shown them what you think of them.

Sounds like you didn't decline their invite and they assumed as you've done the same thing for several years you'd do the same. You should have politely declined months ago.

Did you host the new friends or go to someone else's house? If you have hosted the new friends and excluded your existing friends that is really off. Why can't you mix friendship groups? I've met plenty of friends who I have met through mutual friends.

Well thats a bit off tbh you ahould have beeb upfront at the time and gave them opportunity to make other plans rather than hanging on for your confirmation that never came.
Now I think you need to make it up to them.

If it was at your house or at an external venue you COULD have invited them too. You just couldnt be arsed. If it was at one of the new friends' homes, not so much. But regardless you should have warned them of your new plans months in advance. YABU.

It was mean not to discuss it in plenty of time for them to arrange something else. You have the right to break a tradition if you want to, but your friends are bound to have feelings about it. You might have made the change more friendly by suggesting a new year's day lunch instead, or something in the weekend between Christmas and New Year.

Bollocks, of course you could have included them.

I think the fact that you felt awkward speaks volumes. You should have been upfront.

Reverse of all reverses

I think you’ve been very unkind OP no wonder your friends were upset. How would you have felt if they did that to you.
long lasting true friendship are very hard to find, good friends are there to be valued, not dropped when what looks like a better offer comes along!

So basically, you’ve ditched your long time friends for people you want to be around more.

yabu tbh to make a post justifying and excusing your behaviour. It would be more respectable to just be honest. Just own it.

I feel for them, it’s never nice being ditched. Wish them friends who really do like them.

You don't have to NYE with then forever, however if it is an established tradition it is awkward to break it unless you specifically told them about it.

We have had the same group for NYE since 2007 I think. If it just stopped without saying a word it would be more awkward than someone saying they made alternative plans. However, every now and people have brought their other friends. This year the host had also invited their friend couple.

My parents actually stopped their tradition NYE group thing a few years ago. They got together for nearly 40 years and then one year one of them suggested suggested maybe to get togehter some other time cause nobody wanted to stay awake till midnight anymore.

So all in all. Fine to stop the tradition but really depends how you went about it.

@TraitorsSandwich

YABVU to not tell your old friends (OF) immediately that you were making other plans when they mentioned that they were looking forward to hosting. That was incredibly rude and denied them the chance to make other plans. But I have a feeling your plans with new group weren't cemented then, so you were hedging your bets and keeping OF 'in reserve'. That's just plain selfish.

As far as including OF this NYE if you were hosting, you should have unless there was a good reason not to. And the only one I can think of would have been if they really wouldn't have 'meshed' with the new group, such as extreme political differences or perhaps the new group was 'rabid' about a certain sport and OF would have been bored to tears.

My parents hosted the same couple starting in the early 70s for NYE. And when they met a new couple and became friends with them during their travels they started including them. They were a jolly group of 8, then 6, then 4 (due to spousal deaths over the years) and continued on until my parents moved away in 1987.

But if you weren't hosting and were very new to the group, I can understand you not explaining 'the tradition' and politely asking if OF could attend. Otherwise, you should have asked.

I think this is a reverse but either way, ditching the tradition without warning is unreasonable. Quite a shitty thing to do actually. Why not invite them along?

I can understand why they were upset. You handled it badly.

Why did you not tell them? Spending nye with other friends is perfectly ok but you should have communicated that so they too could have made alternative plans.

Also, if it was your turn to host, why not just throw a big party and introduce all your friends to each other? I don't get why the new friendship group meant that it 'wouldn't work' to invite your old friends, too.

This

I think you sound really shitty and abit fickle tbh. Why couldn't you just invite them along with your new group?

thinking this maybe be a reverse

Yeah, sorry, I changed my vote to YABU after reading all your posts. I think you handled this really badly, tbh. Totally fair to want to do something else, but if you know they see it as a tradition, it's only polite to tell them rather than dodging the subject when they bring it up. Two minute conversation: 'Hey friends, hope you don't mind, but we've been invited to do something else on NYE this year. But would you like to get together for dinner sometime soon?' Done.

I guess you were trying to avoid a confrontation? But doing that has made everything far more awkward, and now your friends are very understandably hurt.