Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

Ah, so was it that you were having a retro Swingers' party with the new friends?

I’m on the fence here because it was an assumed thing as you’ve spent the last few new years together. But cannot always assume you’ll be together always on new years. I do think they’ll fall out with you over this.

I don’t know how you could have been more unkind to long-standing friends.

No you don’t have to spend every NY Eve with them, but you were dreadfully rude not replying to the query they made earlier on.

You essentially dumped old friends in favour of new friends without a word to your longstanding friends. Teenage behaviours, dreadful, carry on like this and you’ll be rightly friendless!!

This. It was cowardly and rude not to have said to them, so they could have had a chance to make other plans.

How would you have felt if they’d done this to you?

YANBU to make other plans but you clearly handled it piss poorly.

You have been hurtful.

I think I'd have stuck with old friends and made a plan to start bringing them in with the new group over the course of this year and then hosted a party for all.

This.
You had a chance to give clarity to your friend but chose to be rude.

No, you shouldn't feel like you are committed forever, but likewise basic manners would dictate that you would say thank you but we have already made other plans.

I think you should be mortified to have treated such friends in such a shabby way.

You definitely wouldn't see us for dust.
I am very boudaried and respectful, and I don't tolerate any fxxking about.

Fxxk about with me like you did, and you WILL find out.
Life is just too short.

How would you have felt if the roles were reversed? You were not told that it wasn’t happening this year.

Also grow up, tell people your plans have altered, like an adult!

You should have said something, but otherwise YANBU.

We used to host friends at NY, did so for years. Then one year they said they had been asked elsewhere (to a family I knew they had been close to before they ever met us). So the 'tradition' died a death, but we've stayed friends.

Unless they’d upset you it would have been kinder to say we’re not coming, at the time they asked you, even by text .

is there any reason for not including them in your new group of friends? Are they horrible?
or the new friends , are they horrible?

Really shitty if you. Basically ditched your long standing unspoken plans for a better offer. By your own admission this was a regular thing. Of course you could have included them with new friends, it’s not high school. You owe them an apology.

That's so shitty of you. I'm not surprised they were upset

I asked this question too. But I think we all know why. Old friend and husband are now perceived by OP as a bit dull. New friends are more exciting. Hence OP dumps old friend.

Not at all nice

Yeh this is shitty

Why?

I think your comment '...and up to this year it had worked for us' pretty selfish. It implies you were happy while nothing better was available.

If there's precedent, and they had mentioned hosting to you already, then I think it's very very poor form on your side. With a precedent, the mere mentioning of 'We're hosting' with no rebuttal would imply to me that it was agreed.

You should either have said no when your friend mentioned hosting it or, if the other couples' do hadn't been arranged, made apologies when you received that invitation and say you'd love to host next year (giving your 'tradition' friends plenty of notice). Or if that's too long to wait, express regret and arrange an alternative dinner, like Burns'.

To pin your 'we weren't being unreasonable were we?' on a point of admin like a confirmation, frankly, is shitty and not the action of true friends.

Yeah, you’re a snake mate. Nobody’s saying you can’t make new friends and spend time with them, but you fobbed your old friends off when they asked you earlier in the year because you felt “awkward”. Sneaky as fuck.

That was extremely rude. I suspect that’s hugely exacerbated their upset.

I think you were rude and a bit underhand.

I'm in a similar position with some friends who we alternate hosting with for NYE for YEARS and for various reasons we will need to do something different this year. However it's January so I have a while to tell them and make the change!

You can absolutely spend NYE with whoever you like but, however you dress it up you ditched long standing loyal friends for new ones, which is cruel playground behaviour. A true friend would have included them and if you are honest it wasn't that you couldn't include them, you just didn't want to.

If she has any sense she will be giving you a wide berth from now on and if these new friends decide you are no longer flavour of the month, don't expect her to be there waiting for you. You behaved terribly and if you have any social awareness at all you will accept that.

So you normally see this couple but when they mentioned it a few months ago, you and your DH felt too awkward to tell them it was off, leaving them to believe it would still be on as in previous years. Just because they didn’t mention it again, that doesn’t mean they’d expect it was cancelled as they mentioned it then and you couldn’t be bothered to be straight with them. I think you’re fine to change your mind and do something else but to know you’re not going ahead and not say something because it makes you feel awkward is stringing them along. You knew you’d made other plans but left them thinking they were seeing you.

So when did you actually tell them about your new plans?

Same, this happens to me a lot, I think largely as I am single and for some reason that's an issue for some of my friends when they want to hang out with their couple friends (not just two couples - understandable - but larger groups where apparently it's very important to be a couple!) It's really hurtful and cliquey IMO.

Yes this isn’t good behaviour to enemies never mind friends who you have shared new year with for several years. Also not confirming as you found it awkward. Then wonder why they are hurt. Better off finding new friends. Don’t understand why you couldn’t host everyone. My sister has this arrangement with her friends but this year they friends were invited to another party locally and they said to the hosting couple we usually see so in so. Anyway they joined them at the friends house .

I think you are awful.
You’ve dumped longstanding friends and a longstanding tradition for ‘new’ friends.
Shame on you.
I’ve taught my daughter that when you comitt to something you damn well do it-even if you do get a more exciting offer. If you didn’t want to spend NYE with them this year you should have told them!!
You felt awkward??
Are you 12?? It’s so nasty I can’t believe you are so blind and insensitive that you can’t see what you have done.
Frankly I hope your shiny new friends do the same to you.
You need to learn a lesson.