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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On the edge of quitting my job today.

63 replies

Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 07:57

I've worked in special ed for over 20 years.
Change of management means that we are thrown into different classes constantly (as never enough staff), which apart from being really bad for the children who need stability, means you never know where you will be, and as an older experienced TA I often get sent to the 'difficult' classes.
Thanks to years of managing challenging behaviour I now have a bad back.. lateral cervical stenosis to be accurate. I've adapted how I do things with my usual (early years) class.. I squat not bend to change pads, we hoist non mobile cildren etc..it's fine. BUT if my head is yanked back to the floor by a hair puller or I have to help with a large child who is attacking, I can't any more..and this is the class I keep being sent to.
In the holidays I emailed and politely requested that I wasn't put in a particular class where the risk of very challenging behaviour is very high.(and I did get a reply 'thanks for letting us know' Guess where they have put me today and tomorrow?
I'm already job hunting, but I think when I arrive in half an hour and they haven't changed it... I'm going home. It would be a sad end to a long career and I really don't want to be jobless (I can only work part time due to other caring duties) but I feel like they really do not give a toss as long as the numbers are covered :(
AIBU?

OP posts:
Isobel201 · 08/01/2026 16:51

Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 16:12

Well they did a fast about face and changed the cover... and stitched up another member of staff (whose unsuitability to be in that class is very well documented...) I felt awful about it, but I stuck to my guns and when she tried to do the same, got told 'tough there is no one else' so she felt obliged :(

That makes us sound like bunch of old wrecks... but what we are ,are staff who have been there such a long time and dealt with SO much over the years that we do now have damaged spines and necks. It's difficult to explain to people who don't work in schools that cater for severely challenging behaviour, but you are expected to suck up stuff that I don't think would be tolerated in most jobs (for example in my 'easy' class today I have still acquired one long scratch down my face and two more on my arms from a disregulated pupil). 20 years of it does a fair amount of damage, we are always short staffed and they won't put agency staff in those classes, even if they have been working at school a year, as they haven't had individual training.

I have never left a job without having another to go to, but I'm done. The changes in management have not benefitted the children at all, just created more paperwork , policies and pretty logos, and I think I am sad, burned out and just done.

I have been talking it over with dh (before today) and have decided to leave at half term. If I find something soon, great, if not we can manage without. I'm still caring for two grandchildren, one adult son with ASD and an increasingly dodgy mother... I won't get bored!

I suspect (without sounding rude) the pay isn't great for a TA anyway? That's why you decided you could do without the job even though you've done it for 20 years,

fluffythecat1 · 08/01/2026 16:28

Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 16:12

Well they did a fast about face and changed the cover... and stitched up another member of staff (whose unsuitability to be in that class is very well documented...) I felt awful about it, but I stuck to my guns and when she tried to do the same, got told 'tough there is no one else' so she felt obliged :(

That makes us sound like bunch of old wrecks... but what we are ,are staff who have been there such a long time and dealt with SO much over the years that we do now have damaged spines and necks. It's difficult to explain to people who don't work in schools that cater for severely challenging behaviour, but you are expected to suck up stuff that I don't think would be tolerated in most jobs (for example in my 'easy' class today I have still acquired one long scratch down my face and two more on my arms from a disregulated pupil). 20 years of it does a fair amount of damage, we are always short staffed and they won't put agency staff in those classes, even if they have been working at school a year, as they haven't had individual training.

I have never left a job without having another to go to, but I'm done. The changes in management have not benefitted the children at all, just created more paperwork , policies and pretty logos, and I think I am sad, burned out and just done.

I have been talking it over with dh (before today) and have decided to leave at half term. If I find something soon, great, if not we can manage without. I'm still caring for two grandchildren, one adult son with ASD and an increasingly dodgy mother... I won't get bored!

I worked in a mainstream school with a high number of challenging SEND children and do sympathise. I handed in my notice too before the end of the academic year because I felt unsafe. The crunch point was when I was a 1-1 with a pupil with severe ADHD left by myself in the school corridor and another member of staff had left a bucket of rounders bats the other side of the swing doors. Definitely put yourself first.

OneBoldOchreCrow · 08/01/2026 16:16

Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 07:57

I've worked in special ed for over 20 years.
Change of management means that we are thrown into different classes constantly (as never enough staff), which apart from being really bad for the children who need stability, means you never know where you will be, and as an older experienced TA I often get sent to the 'difficult' classes.
Thanks to years of managing challenging behaviour I now have a bad back.. lateral cervical stenosis to be accurate. I've adapted how I do things with my usual (early years) class.. I squat not bend to change pads, we hoist non mobile cildren etc..it's fine. BUT if my head is yanked back to the floor by a hair puller or I have to help with a large child who is attacking, I can't any more..and this is the class I keep being sent to.
In the holidays I emailed and politely requested that I wasn't put in a particular class where the risk of very challenging behaviour is very high.(and I did get a reply 'thanks for letting us know' Guess where they have put me today and tomorrow?
I'm already job hunting, but I think when I arrive in half an hour and they haven't changed it... I'm going home. It would be a sad end to a long career and I really don't want to be jobless (I can only work part time due to other caring duties) but I feel like they really do not give a toss as long as the numbers are covered :(
AIBU?

I wish I could talk to you directly. I am 56 and have worked in SEN for 22years. I have been trained in physical intervention methods and then suddenly they stopped bothering training everyone so the staff wasn't safe and the pupils weren't safe from other pupils or from harming themselves. No one bothered with signing or using symbols adequately. Lessons plans became a thing of the past. Singing and PE disappeared. There was such a lot going wrong. So I left and took my skills elsewhere and after being almost suicidal I am so happy in my new role . Dont give up, us wise old birds have loads to offer we have the patience and the experience and the compassion. We have seen it before and we have a few tricks up our sleeves.

Lavenderblue11 · 08/01/2026 16:12

Go to your GP and get them to write you up for lighter tasks due to your diagnosis. Is there not an Occupational Health department at school you can contact? They should support you and tell your managers where they can and can't send you during your working day. Good luck.

Original poster
Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 16:12

Well they did a fast about face and changed the cover... and stitched up another member of staff (whose unsuitability to be in that class is very well documented...) I felt awful about it, but I stuck to my guns and when she tried to do the same, got told 'tough there is no one else' so she felt obliged :(

That makes us sound like bunch of old wrecks... but what we are ,are staff who have been there such a long time and dealt with SO much over the years that we do now have damaged spines and necks. It's difficult to explain to people who don't work in schools that cater for severely challenging behaviour, but you are expected to suck up stuff that I don't think would be tolerated in most jobs (for example in my 'easy' class today I have still acquired one long scratch down my face and two more on my arms from a disregulated pupil). 20 years of it does a fair amount of damage, we are always short staffed and they won't put agency staff in those classes, even if they have been working at school a year, as they haven't had individual training.

I have never left a job without having another to go to, but I'm done. The changes in management have not benefitted the children at all, just created more paperwork , policies and pretty logos, and I think I am sad, burned out and just done.

I have been talking it over with dh (before today) and have decided to leave at half term. If I find something soon, great, if not we can manage without. I'm still caring for two grandchildren, one adult son with ASD and an increasingly dodgy mother... I won't get bored!

OP posts:
eatingandeating24 · 08/01/2026 16:08

Sorry to hear this. You are a valuable member of staff. I used to be and retired as a schools inspector (with spl ed responsibility) and Ofsted team inspector. Go to HR. The school has a duty of care to its staff and to you.. You need and deserve additional support, care and adjustment to your responsibilities on health grounds at least. HR should know this and therefore negotiate with management.. Good Luck.

Hollowvoice · 08/01/2026 16:00

@Sonolanona how did it go today?

Welshmonster · 08/01/2026 12:57

Ask for an occupational health assessment and also ensure from now on that every injury or pain is logged in the accident book. Being injured at work must be reported to H& S executive. Start keeping notes

you can also self certify for 7 days

AltitudeCheck · 08/01/2026 12:43

Use all the available channels to escalate and document your condition, your requests and their responses. Involve your GP and specialist, Occ health, HR, union etc put everything in writing and keep notes, email then to yourself and Cc the union rep and your manager.

Then look at sick leave if you are injured or suffering stress because they aren't making suitable accommodations. It's in their interests to retain an experienced member of staff and not to go down a lengthy (costly) sickness process or even end up with a disability discrimination/ unfair dismissal route but you need to stand your ground, don't let them push you to work unsafely and definitely don't just quit unless you have an excellent financial safety net and a good plan B lined up.

Horserider5678 · 08/01/2026 12:12

Wiseplumant · 08/01/2026 09:43

Yes quit. You have done your stint at the coalface and got the scars to prove it. Your managers don't give a damn, and they have stupidly shot themselves in the foot by risking losing an experienced worker. You have plenty of transferable skills. I worked for the NHS in similar circumstances and the best thing I ever did was quit under very similar circumstances.

Absolutely the wrong answer! There are 4 million unemployed and 750,000 vacancies! It’s an employers market and walking out on a job would not be looked on favourably! An OH referral is the first step!

Horserider5678 · 08/01/2026 12:11

Sonolanona · 08/01/2026 07:57

I've worked in special ed for over 20 years.
Change of management means that we are thrown into different classes constantly (as never enough staff), which apart from being really bad for the children who need stability, means you never know where you will be, and as an older experienced TA I often get sent to the 'difficult' classes.
Thanks to years of managing challenging behaviour I now have a bad back.. lateral cervical stenosis to be accurate. I've adapted how I do things with my usual (early years) class.. I squat not bend to change pads, we hoist non mobile cildren etc..it's fine. BUT if my head is yanked back to the floor by a hair puller or I have to help with a large child who is attacking, I can't any more..and this is the class I keep being sent to.
In the holidays I emailed and politely requested that I wasn't put in a particular class where the risk of very challenging behaviour is very high.(and I did get a reply 'thanks for letting us know' Guess where they have put me today and tomorrow?
I'm already job hunting, but I think when I arrive in half an hour and they haven't changed it... I'm going home. It would be a sad end to a long career and I really don't want to be jobless (I can only work part time due to other caring duties) but I feel like they really do not give a toss as long as the numbers are covered :(
AIBU?

Absolutely don’t walk out! It’s an employers market currently and it’s far easier to find another job whilst working. Are you in a union seek advice from them, ask for a referral to occupational health who can make recommendations on what work is safe for you to carry out. Whilst they are only recommendations as a manager I would be implementing them unless they are totally unrealistic!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/01/2026 10:23

Did you tell them of your condition, that it impacts your daily life and has done/will continue to do so for more than a year, therefore you consider it to be a disability and you are therefore requesting x, y, z as a reasonable adjustments due to your disability to help you continue at work? If not, do it now, go off sick until it's resolved.

TheLemonLemur · 08/01/2026 09:48

I would ask for occ health appointment and if you cant work suggest taking sick leave this is work related stress surely

Wiseplumant · 08/01/2026 09:43

Yes quit. You have done your stint at the coalface and got the scars to prove it. Your managers don't give a damn, and they have stupidly shot themselves in the foot by risking losing an experienced worker. You have plenty of transferable skills. I worked for the NHS in similar circumstances and the best thing I ever did was quit under very similar circumstances.

Enduser14 · 08/01/2026 09:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Catza · 08/01/2026 09:38

Brainworm · 08/01/2026 08:08

Ask them for an occupational health referral relating to your condition and the impact work has on it. They late legally obliged to make reasonable adjustment to accommodate your condition. From what you say, you are more than able to perform your role when you have use of a hoist and when working with children below a certain size and weight. This suggest you should be able to stay in your role and go a good job and the school need to make these accommodations.

Another vote for this. You need to request a formal OH assessment.
But just a note, the employer is not legally required to make any reasonable adjustments so long as they can prove it's not "reasonable" using government-outlined criteria. You do, however, have a legal right to request them so I would do that and go from there.
And remember, that any refusal of RAs should be in writing with a clear reason for refusal. Your Head can't just say "if we do it for you, we have to do it for everyone" as they often do when refusing.

BrendaSmall · 08/01/2026 09:34

I’m totally with you!

I walked out of my job on Tuesday, I was taking home £1600 a month I was fed up of cleaning up after the people who was there the day before me and they never done any work because they knew I’d do it the next day!
So yes I left
🤣🤦🏻‍♀️
I don’t know what I’m going to be doing next, at the moment I’m enjoying being home, unfortunately the weather is rubbish so I can’t get out anywhere, a shame it didn’t happen in the summer 🤣🤣

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 08/01/2026 09:33

Go sick because you aren’t well enough to work with that class. You are injured.

InterestedDad37 · 08/01/2026 09:31

Are you in a union OP?
This is exactly one of the situations in which a union can help sort out the issue. ✊

user1471538283 · 08/01/2026 09:28

Make this their problem! You've raised the issue and it's up to them to sort it out. If this happens today you leave work and go to the doctor and explain you are unwell because of work.

You can get an occupational health referral later on.

Disenchantedone · 08/01/2026 09:24

OP i would call in sick, or go off sick at lunch time, a med cert from your doctor stating your condition should be sent to your employers, then an occ health assessment. If you just leave you get nothing. Let them pay sick pay until they get themselves sorted out!

usedtobeaylis · 08/01/2026 09:09

Also suggesting asking for an OH referral and a risk assessment.

geminicancerean · 08/01/2026 09:08

From a mum of a kid in a SEN school YANBU - management aren’t doing enough here. You can’t fix the school issues by yourself, they
wont resolve quickly, protect yourself and get out.

crazeekat · 08/01/2026 08:47

don’t walk out, it will reflect on u not them (wrong I know,)
instead go to ur manager today asked to be moved allocated class. If she states no then go to the class and then put in a complete official grievance against the managers. Get HR, health and safety. Ohsas, your GP, and don’t back down. They are relying on u doing nothing. Their reply was unprofessional and dismissive. Your health comes first not their rotas.