No food for Grandparents

Your DD is in an abusive marriage.

People in history have treated slaves better.

So essentially they are blackmailing you? Toe the line or we will cut you off. Our DDs tell us to treat their home as our own when babysitting and they only ask us to sit so they can go to work. No golf days. So we help ourselves to whatever is in the fridge and they usually bring home treats for us. Never have they threatened to cut us off either from seeing our GC. I think I would be rowing back on the babysitting.

When you bin off the golf days, be sure to say: Oh we'd love to as you know but....
Seeing a how touchy and tight they are, any change will mightily displease them. Like dealing with Trump, I imagine: you might seek to appease, but no good result is guaranteed. Having been the beneficiaries of a very lopsided deal, they'll be pissed off at any perceived lessening.

Having said that, the 'his" steak, "her" chicken and I must say the cheapskate food for the children from those who presumably have two golf club subscriptions argues they'll follow the money and come crawling back.
I say cheapskate kids' food because of the context of all the rest of the tightarsedness about food.

You're being taken advantage of. And then some.

But it's really common. You're certainly not the first grandparents to tolerate being used and abused by their adult children because they live in fear of losing access to their grandkids. It's akin to emotional blackmail and is absolutely shameful.

Yeah they will cut you off.

But not for long.

This is basically "babysitting chicken"

They are banking on you wanting to see the kids before they are desperate for a baby sitter that they dont have to pay for. Hold the line. Dont blink. They will come back before you do (probably using the phrase" as the kids miss you, we have decided to give you another chance") bet you £100.

OP, why did you title your thread, ‘No food for Grandparents’? By any measure, food is the very least of the issues you are describing in your posts

You are talking about appalling dysfunction, imbalance and abuse.

Stop babysitting completely. They won't pay for a babysitter so they will come crawling back. If they don't, you will find another way to see your grandchildren. You raised their mother, this can't be a shock to you that's she's a entitled brat.

It's not normal. But hey ho, as you won't be able to babysit anymore due to your retirement travelling, they will be able to make their own, refreshment free, arrangements going forward and save themselves the price of the Xmas voucher

Stingy fuckers. If you were petty minded you could deduct the cost of food and babysitting services from any inheritance you might have been intending to leave them 😂

How very sad. 💐

This is awful. Whenever grandparents or family were looking after my DC in our house I always told them to help themselves to food and snacks and use the kitchen if they wanted to cook something.

So you either maintain the status quo until they no longer need you and drop you, or you say something and this dickhead cuts you off.

I think your best bet would be to start being a little less unavailable. Let them start worrying about upsetting you because a paid babysitter is not going to put up with any of their shit. They need to appreciate how good they’ve got it, and how much it’s going to cost them if they either cut you off or piss you off.

They've blocked you previously? What for?

I'd say that you'd prefer to babysit at your house from now on. You can eat whatever food you want then.

If the say no, then they are back to paying whacking great babysitting or childminding costs!

Having read your update I can see they're both fearful shits, possibly the husband over the line first by a nose. And mean to boot. Possibly see the DD on her own about the food, though seeing as she sucks up to her horrible husband, she may well dob you in.
I'm not a MIL, never mind a grandparent, but the thought of your being punished in this way is painful to contemplate.

You really have to ask ?

rhey should be talking to their knees grateful for all the free care an money you are saving them

and leaving a full fridge /freezer and saying help yourself

That's really quite sad. Do you see the grandchildren at other times, not just when you're looking after them? I'd just worry that if you withdrew babysitting, your daughter husband will stop visits just to spite you. He sounds awful tbh. That said, you need to live your life as well, not be at their beck and call especially when you're treated with so little appreciation.

You have a bigger isssue than the food tbh.

I was going say maybe it just needs a quick talk with them and they didn't think about it, but sounds like it’s intentional. I’ve always prepped all kids food and allowed any one that’s babysitting to help themselves to anything that’s in my kitchen and made sure there was food they like available.

No way!

I always buy half Tesco then the babysitter, a friend or GP babysit.

We look after grandchildren from our 2 children. We look after them mostly after school but occasionally babysitting in the evening. We prefer to look after the grandchildren at our own home, so yes, I provide the grandchildren’s food. I don’t mind doing this but it is never assumed. When we babysit, food is always offered and so is a food delivery but we mostly eat at lunchtime so I am quite happy to bring what we eat with us. Money is not an issue. I don’t want my children to rush round to get me something before they go out. Golf days sound like taking the piss. As I said, my children have occasional nights out but mostly we look after the grandchildren because both my children and their respective OHs are working.

I don’t know if it’s normal but it is very entitled. I would cancel all regular arrangements as of now and be less available for ad hoc ones.

You don’t owe them an explanation but you could say you want to spend the coming year getting away more and feel it’s only fair to let them know now so they can make other babysitting arrangements.

Depending on your appetite for confrontation I would be tempted to be direct, tell them that you have been feeling taken for granted and the Christmas voucher was the last straw. Ask them if this is what their friends give for Christmas. Make them feel ashamed.

Travel the world and enjoy your grand kids when they come around to yours with their parents. I would not be babysitting for such ungracious parents. My mum had full run of my home and kitchen when she came to help with my DC. She could order in or make anything at all for herself at my expense. I would always bring her treats too when I'd be out shopping. Grandparents are to be cherished!