Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another one about a third child...

38 replies

StickOrTwisto · 07/01/2026 20:09

I have read all the posts I can find on this (yes, there are many) but still can't come to a decision...to have a third baby or stop at two children? I keep trying to justify that 2 is sensible, but when I see bigger families I want that for me!

We currently have 2 little boys 4 and 1.5. Both happy, healthy and as chilled as they can be for their age. They get along great and we have plenty of resources to provide a great life for them.

However, I can't stop thinking about having a third child. It isn't about having a girl, I'd be happy with a third boy. My logical mind says don't do it. My heart says go for it.

Thankfully we are in a good position financially and have lots of space etc. My reservations are I don't enjoy the newborn stage. Pregnancy is OK. Delivery and recovery is grim...physically and mentally. I've found the first year post partum incredibly challenging mentally. I'm worried I won't have enough time for the other two emotionally. Logic says stop, but I think I'll regret it.

Ps. If I am going for it I'd want to be pregnant in the next two years as I'm now 35. I also want the baby years 'done and dusted' so to speak! Give me your thoughts and experiences please.

OP posts:
ImVotingForYourself · 07/01/2026 20:34

I definitely think you should go for it. I always wanted 3 but my DP wasn't keen. I didn't have the energy to push it when I was 35 but not I'm too old and the gaps are too big. Newborn period only lasts 3 months!

Original poster
StickOrTwisto · 07/01/2026 20:33

@dundermiffling that is a very interesting thought! When I'm drudging through my day, doing the mundane mum things I think two is more than enough. But then sometimes I look at them and think time, slow down. And I could stay in this preschool/ toddler routine forever. It's only natural I guess.

OP posts:
C0rner · 07/01/2026 20:30

Recent mum of three, aged 4.5, 2.5 and 6 months. It's great 😀

Original poster
StickOrTwisto · 07/01/2026 20:30

@rubyslippers I think I'm mad, because I always wanted 4 but could not face 4 pregnancies and deliveries. So I'd be delighted and horrified all at once lol

@Moonnstarz I do agree with you on that. And that's what my sensible side says- why make life harder than it already is?

OP posts:
dundermiffling · 07/01/2026 20:29

check whether you’re broody for a third when with your current two or only when away from them

SixInTow · 07/01/2026 20:28

Mum of 4 here. It’s carnage and chaos. Loud and messy…. Couldn’t recommend it enough, 5 stars :)

Moonnstarz · 07/01/2026 20:27

StickOrTwisto · 07/01/2026 20:22

@Lmnop22 my stomach flipped with delight with your response. Because I think having the third baby is what I truly want.

@Moonnstarz I do work part time (3 days). And I enjoy work as I like something for me and the routine of it. Both children go to day care those days and I would intend to maintain that at least 2 days a week during potential maternity leave. But yes, I acknowledge that on a hard day I'd probably look around and wonder why I've done this! Husband is on board for whatever I wish, be that sticking with 2 or going for the 3rd. He works long hours so knows a lot of the practicalities will fall to me in that respect.

To me the fact you're husband works long hours meaning everything will pretty much fall on you would definitely put me off. Dealing with 3 kids under 5 single handedly is no mean feat. I think I would stick and focus on the two I already have.

rubyslippers · 07/01/2026 20:26

Teenagers x 3 - it’s a lot
how will you know of after three you don’t want 4? What if it’s twins ?

Bigbus · 07/01/2026 20:24

Hello OP

I am a bit further down the road - I have three, I had them when I was 29, 31 and 35. They are now 19, 17 and 14. I also did not enjoy the baby bit but always wanted a bigger family. I am glad I did it. All my children are very different and have brought different things to the family. It has not been easy, of course. I was glad to have a bit more of a gap between the second and third. I worked part time all throughout their childhoods. Also, like you, we are lucky to still be able to afford a reasonable quality of life and also space for all to have their own rooms. Holidays are a bit more complicated and we have tended to go for self-catering, hotel rooms can be a struggle with five, and I definitely think a bigger car is advisable. Overall the early days were a bit of a struggle but they are soon gone and I think I would have always felt there was a gap if I hadn't done it.

Original poster
StickOrTwisto · 07/01/2026 20:22

@Lmnop22 my stomach flipped with delight with your response. Because I think having the third baby is what I truly want.

@Moonnstarz I do work part time (3 days). And I enjoy work as I like something for me and the routine of it. Both children go to day care those days and I would intend to maintain that at least 2 days a week during potential maternity leave. But yes, I acknowledge that on a hard day I'd probably look around and wonder why I've done this! Husband is on board for whatever I wish, be that sticking with 2 or going for the 3rd. He works long hours so knows a lot of the practicalities will fall to me in that respect.

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 07/01/2026 20:18

So you don't enjoy pregnancy and find the newborn stage tough, but this will be harder as you will have a child to take to school each morning and then presumably have a toddler at home too. So I would say think about how you cope emotionally with that and being present for both these children. If you have been up at night with a grizzly baby and lack sleep, but have to do the school run, and baby then sleeps but you have a lively toddler to occupy so can't take a nap yourself, will you still be glad to have had a third?
How involved is your husband and what does he think about this?
Do you currently work?

Imisscoffee2021 · 07/01/2026 20:15

Depends what you'll regret more, a year of possibly not being the mum to your current two you want to be due to the postpartum hellscape (I know the pain having struggled too) or the longer term "gain" of another little face at the table.

You'd have to be OK with rolling the dice as so much is unpredictable, but sounds like financially you can provide.

Lmnop22 · 07/01/2026 20:12

If your heart says yes, I would go for it. Everyone knows you just have to survive the newborn stage and endure the first year before you can really start to enjoy your baby!

If you have the space, money and desire then you’ll regret it if you don’t