Another one about a third child...

Mother of three adult sons here, it’s has been and is wonderful.

We have 3 with gaps of 2 years and 18 months. There are so many variables that have already been raised in this thread and no guarantees. Add to the mix that each baby, child and young adult then becomes totally their own person and although you're an experienced parent, you might find that what worked for dc 1 or 2 may not work for 3. It's a lot, often exhausting and the requirement to provide attention in 3 different directions at once can sometimes make your head spin.

But it's also been an amazing ride as a family of 5. I love hearing them laugh together and they remain close as they move into adulthood. It's been a privilege seeing their bond develop as they've grow as it's not a given.

There's no right or wrong answer. You just end up committing to a course of action and making it work somehow, just like most of parenting whatever the size of family. What I would say is that I don't know if I could have wrangled them all without the teamwork and support of a very patient and hands on dh.

My only thought for you is that you say DH is on board for what ever you wish - that isn’t a resounding commitment to be on board with a 3rd and you mention that he works long hours so he knows most of the practicalities will fall to you. How on board is he really and how will you cope with 3 if he isn’t around to help out during the week and then tired at the weekend ? It’s easy to say I’ll support your decision knowing full well that he won’t be able to do the practical stuff and leave it all to you.

I would do it. I have 3 boys. Third was a surprise and it took me a while to get my head around the pregnancy but I wouldn’t change it for the world. You won’t regret having another baby, you’ll obviously love them, but you may well regret not…

I think this to me is the biggest concern. What if it's not short lived? What if you did have a third child with a disability? I know some will say you shouldn't think like that or that you will love them regardless (which I am sure you would) but if you already have concerns about coping mentally, then throwing in a child with additional needs will be exhausting and impact the other two.

Following with interest as I'm also undecided about a third... I have 2 DDs but always wanted 3 DC. After a traumatic birth the second time around though (DD nearly died but thankfully came through the birth and is healthy) I'm not sure if I want a third anymore. I also had health complications in my second pregnancy - it all took me a long time to get over mentally.

If I could guarantee a healthy baby, good birth and pregnancy I'd probably do it in a heartbeat, but I'm so on the fence!

Mum of 4 and I would not recommend it 😂 I wish I stayed at two or none tbh. Life is very hard

I have three and absolutely love it. I am run ragged and definitely at my limit, especially working FT, but the dynamic of being a family of five is just really lovely. The key to coping is I think being purposeful with your planning, in a way I perhaps wasn’t with two because I could wing it more. Now I plan for us to have down time, plan when I’m tidying, plan when to have 1-to-1 time with them all, plan to make sure as a couple we get time to connect. So it’s all more effort but also I think there’s an element of coasting I had with two which meant I didn’t actually spend as much time individually with the big ones. In terms of being overstimulated… take a lot of baths and find some relaxation methods for 11pm?! 🤣

When I was pregnant with my third child, another mother of 3 was really kind to me. She told me that she had been really worried about having her third, but actually, it had just been wonderful. I certainly found that. I had 3 under 4 and have never regretted it. The expense has been harder as they have got older, but it has also been easier in some ways having them close in age as they have all been at similar stages.
The poster who had surprise triplets reminds me of a lady I know, who had a boy and a girl, tried for one more and had quads!

I haven’t read the other replies but couldn’t not comment as you are basically me a couple of years ago (same ages (me included, 2 boys). We went for it and yes it’s crazy but it’s also wonderful and I know I would always have regretted not doing it. I also knew I didn’t want to have a big gap between my boys and the third because whilst the baby stage is easier with older kids, it means they’re never all at a similar stage interests-wise, and I think that’s quite challenging down the line. I am aware of how lucky we were to conceive OK.

I would also add that we did have a girl - and yes I was of course delighted but I was fully expecting and would have been very happy with another gorgeous boy. I really did some soul searching at the time to decide if I wanted a third just to have a girl - as I really believed we would have another boy, and we still knew it was about having 3.

anyway, my advice is to absolutely go for it and don’t wait around trying to decide for too long! Good luck! :)

I could have written your post OP, down to the DC ages! I think I'm wistfully crawling the same threads as you.

My arguments for: we have the space for everyone to have their own room. We have the money, though this feels a little tenuous while rebuilding the emergency fund post house buy + mat leave. I get 6 months paid mat leave. I love being a mother so much, and each of my boys have brought different joys to my life. My DH is a brilliant dad. We have a great childminder and playschool available to us right now. I'm used to being tired, and very resilient. We have all the baby stuff stored away still to use.

My arguments against: I know it'll be more expensive as they get older, and there probably wouldn't be much international travel for a while. I worry I'll struggle mentally with the sleep deprivation (DC1 was a very wakey baby and I found it rough!). I have giant babies, and the risk of something going wrong in delivery is higher. I got mastitis both times, and it's the sickest I've ever been. I worry about having a child with a disability, though my DH tells me they'd just reach us about love in a different way - ODD for example would be so hard.

Ultimately I think I'm going to do it. A lot of my reasons against are almost arbitrary I think - it's like I feel guilty for wanting more than my lot? Or guilty that this would be taking away from my current DC. But examining that, I have the physical, financial and emotional resources for a third. The only thing it's actually going to impact is their inheritance being split 3 ways instead of 2 really.

Do it OP!

What if it’s mutiples? We went for a third child and ended up with triplets! Think carefully op this isn’t something done on a whim.

Mum of 2 here, 11 DD and 4 DS 1 secondary 1 primary. I was 39 when DS was born but as DD was at school it was nice to have that 1:1 time with him. We always wanted 3 but the delay between DD and DS partly due to covid and partly financial meant I was too old really for a 3rd and sod was I have 2 under 2 in my 40s by choice. Now I'm too old really for a 3rd. I don't regret it I came to terms with 2 not long after DS was born. DD was a delight, DS is a typical boy and a handful at times. If I'd have has 2 that were great babies and toddlers maybe if have been more inclined for a 3rd. While you are better to have them young a couple of years waiting isn't going to hurt. While I'm an older Mum at school, I do have another much older child. Infact many of the mums may be 2 years younger than me but their oldest is also in reception so they started later.

What I'm saying is don't rush the decision see how you feel in 12 months, having the older 2 at school/preschool will help alot if you decided to go ahead, especially with both recovery and sleep. To me it sounds like you want it so do it, just don't rush it and regret it!

This is exactly me right now! I have two boys aged 4 and 2. My heart tells me to have a third and my head says don't. In the end I will probably have a third child if I am able to as I would regret not having a third in my later life.

Do what the heart wants!

I have 3. Current ages are 10,6&3.
3 is a lot.. you know this already as you already have 2 so you can imagine what adding another to the mix will do!
baby stage I found fine, easy in fact. I enjoyed the baby stage the third time around so much as I really knew how much it would pass and staring at that little face was heaven!
however as my oldest is about to start secondary school I will still have a preschooler… it’s quite hard to balance it all now. The cost of everything becomes pretty huge, even simple things, I hate to say it but our standard of living has really slipped. Even popping to a softplay for an hour, a quick snack and drink each easily costs £60..
I do love having a big (ish) family and don’t regret it but it is a lot of hard work!

I have 3 and am also not a fan of the newborn stage, but I had 3 in 3 years so got round that but I must admit those days are a total blur and in a way I regret not enjoying it more as I look back at photos and remmebr surviving it rather than enjoying it.

They are hideously expensive as they get older, far more than I realised but if you can afford it then I'd go for it.

@StickOrTwisto No one knows what they are doing whether they have 1 child or 15. And you never know what type of baby you’re going to get. You’d absolutely handle it because you are doing it already. I firmly believe there’s no greater jump than going from no children to one child. What’s one more? You’ll never look back and regret having baby number 3…. but you might regret not.

Another recent mum of three here! Mine are 4.5, 2.5 and 9 months. So far, so good! Much better than I imagined it would be - I found (surprisingly!) two to three to be the easiest transition.

I’m similar to you in that I work part time and financially we have capacity for three. I love the newborn stage but I really don’t like pregnancy due to vomiting endlessly for weeks. As long as you think you will be able to look after your older children, you will get through the tough bits.

I do want a fourth though, so maybe I’m not someone to listen to! 😂

As someone who had 2 years gaps between my 3 boys Id say wait at least another year.

2 year age gaps were bloody hard. Iv watched friends and 3 plus year gap seems easier.

I really really struggled for the first 5 years with 3 and found it very hard.

Currently pregnant with #3 after a long time thinking and many discussions. I've probably read all the same threads as you! 😂 I am excited, I do think I will sometimes thing omg what have we done, but I've had those moments with #1 and #2 and other life things too. I have two boys, who will be 6 and almost 4 when the baby is born. I also wasn't fussed whether boy or girl, wasn't trying for a girl as many assume! But as it happens, this one is a girl.

I think if you're financially stable and have the space and it's what you want, then do it. My husband works long hours 6 days a week (but has school hols off) and it's hard but manageable. I work 3 days a week. We have no family support, just a brilliant childminder.