DH says he won’t help with baby when she’s born

When are you due? Hopefully you’ve got a bit of time to resolve this. If he’s serious and not budging I don’t see a future with him. His logic is completely warped and unreasonable.

Tell him that's fine, you'll share the mornings with babies biological father.

Seriously though, he sounds grim. Better to be a single parent in a calm household than a single parent woth this loser.

Well. More fool you if you stay with him.

It sounds like he's valuing his first baby above your joint baby, really bizarre.

He’s not playing fair at all, his reasoning is so far out there to be nonsensical. So at home he can delegate all the unfavorable parts of raising the baby to you?….who gave him the right to make the rules!!

And out front, don’t be surprised if he acts like ‘father of the year’.

So he had a 50 50 arrangement with his ex and because you didn't volunteer to do half of his contact time with his own child, he expects you to do 100pc? That's completely illogical. He is trying to punish you. Which is disgusting given 1. He wasn't doing 100pc anyway 2. It wasn't your child, he had 2 parents already and 3. You couldn't have done 50pc anyway because you had a breakdown

You sound like a lovely Stepmum.
Your DSS was very much cared for by you by the sounds of it but it absolutely wasn't your responsibility to do all the night shifts with him. That is for his bio parents (unless you wanted to but zero expectation.)

Your DD needs both her parents to do night shifts as well. DP did 50% of his son's ones (while mum did the other it seems from your posts), he can do 50% of his daughter's ones....

Doing it all on your own while your partner is sleeping will have a huge impact on your mental health. You will be sleep deprived and resentful.

You need to be working as a team so I’m afraid it won’t work if you’re not taking shifts at night and turns to lie in. It’s not unusual for a new born to be up hourly in the night and then have an early wake up time. Imagine doing all that on your own?!

Perhaps it’s worth getting back in touch with your therapist to talk it all through.

Sorry you are going through this. Please try not to focus on what’s gone on with step child as it’s not the main issue here. A partnership
isn't tit for tat

What a prick! If he's serious, you're better off without him.

He will not get better. I think you should leave him- you’ll be doing everything forever and you’ll always resent him.

But you did until illness meant you couldn’t and, even then, you still volunteered to do one day (presumably per weekend). And it seems like you’ve been a great stepmother.

Your husband is nasty. I read your post out to my husband and he was shocked, saying your husband seems to be trying to punish you now.

I hope you’ll seriously consider your future with this useless, childish & vindictive man.

Are you taking anything on board that’s been said to you? Anything at all?

Because this man isn’t a good man. He isn’t a good father. And he is being really open about that with you. He has outright told you that you’re on your own, but he’ll still expect sex and cooking and cleaning.

Get out.

Fuck me. What a huge surprise his relationship to your stepson's mother broke down.

I'd honestly leave now over this OP. If you're going to spend your life feeling like a single parent then you may as well be one.

You know that niggling feeling you had that made you create this post... that will grow. You will resent him. It will end your relationship. Rightly so, he's horrible.

I think you need to attend couples counselling and discuss how you both signed up to become oarents together and that his role is 50%. You are a bonus step parent of DSS.

If he truly feels that way, he gets no say on the name, no say in anything at all. I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate, shame your married really. As a step mum you aren't on the birth certificate, so if he wants a step dad role then that is what he can have. I'd be ending it if he doesn't treat this relationship as a team.

You aren't the Mother of your step-son. It was down to your husband to parent his own child, and your counsellor is correct, you are there as a supporting adult. Your husband is the Father to your unborn baby girl, you didn't get yourself pregnant, and therefore he is equally responsible. He's an arse for not sharing at least some of the night times.

At least if you left him you’d get a bit of a break when he has the child (if he can be arsed that is).

I wonder why he split up from DSS's mother.

What an unkind thing for him to say to you. It's not your job to parent HIS child.

I'd be stamping right down on this, OP, and asking if he wants to be a part time parent to this child as well as that's where this will be heading.

If he won't parent your shared DC then I'd leave him and parent on my own as you will be doing so anyway. Make him pay maintenance for your shared baby too.

He s you what life be like with him OP. Leave or have a shit life 💐

My guess is that his ex-wife is the one who really knows what tiredness is.

This man only likes you for what you can do for him, that's it, he is going to ruin your post partum and newborn phase.
I would seriously look at leaving or at least staying with someone who can support you as a new mother for the first 6 - 8 weeks.

This man is using this baby to punish you op, do you want this type of man?

OP I rarely say LTB but I really think you should consider it. He’s a selfish twat.