DH says he won’t help with baby when she’s born

Of course he wanted another, because he can force you to do 100% of parenting with the baby and then gaslight you into believing that means you must take over 100% of the parenting of SS so he isn't treated differently. This loser does not care about you or his children and he never will. IME with 2 DC at school, most men are no longer like this and ypur DC will notice that they are not loved in the same way other children are and wonder why their Mum chose to put them through this lifestyle when she could have left.

Looks like OP has exited.

OP, you’ll probably be back when he escalates. We’ll be here and happy to help.

There is a difference between wanting babies and being wllling to parent. I suspect he was a useless parent in that relationship. The 50:50 wasn’t about wanting to parent but wanting to avoid child maintenance. Hence finding a woman that could take on his share. It didn’t work out that way. He was forced to parent his own child. Now he’s made it clear you have 100% responsibility for parenting your shared child and he’ll probably push for you 100% taking care of DS because it’s easier (for him).

You know the future. He won’t go for 50:50 custody - 3 different mothers with no ability to actually parent.

He'd find a woman to do the parenting asap.

Yes, and?

Ridiculous, new partners are not your free childcare. The father is perfectly capable of doing 50% of the mornings.

There is something extremely sinister to my mind about pressurising you for years to have a child, to then when pregnant telling you that it will all be on you.

Not normal.
Deeply abnormal IMO.

Op has said that she gets on well with his ex partner the mother of his child, she is also bonded with this child. I think this is in her favor and her best option going forward might be to form a strong alliance with the mother of the first child. Between them they might be able to face him down and get him under control.
I wouldn't bother arguing with him or putting my point across. Take control and treat him like the dog that he is, train him by rewarding good behaviour and block off all opportunities for bad behaviour.

He has had his child 50% of the time. Shared equally between the Mother and Father. He remarried and you do some help with DSS, so actually he has done less than 50% of all care for his first born.

But now he thinks this new baby should 100% be your responsibility. WHY? Ask him why he did 50% for his first child, but with the new baby expects to do 0% night wakings and early mornings? why does he plan on treating this second baby worse than his first?

And ask him why he expected his ex to do 50% with his first child…… yet expects you to do 100%

Try let him tie himself in knots explaining it.

He wanted more control over you and getting you pregnant and stuck with his child is a sure way to do that.

He sounds like an absolute dick and he’s taken full advantage of you from day one.

This is one of the most sickest twisted things I’ve read on here. Stepmums (and mums) have it tough, and this is proof of where it starts!! Right there. A man who behaves like this. End of story.

No you weren't. You are being controlled and conditioned by this man.

So because he had to parent his first child (well, only half the time!), he's not planning to parent his second child?

He's made it clear you're about to be a married single parent, so you may as well be an actual single parent and leave him now.

This really gets my spider senses tingling. He decided to wait and teach you a lesson when you're at you're most vulnerable. You know normal people don't do that right? He knows you'll be having doubts about leaving because you sound like a nice person.

I can understand you wanting the baby and that's you're choice, support or no support I would be leaving him asap. You'll have 3 children to look after if you stay and unfortunately one of them will never grow up or move out.

He wanted control.

He thought if you had a baby you wouldn't leave. And you would be stuck with him. He wanted to trap you.

Instant LTB

He said he was a “stepdad” once with a woman with a newborn. He said he “loves all children the same, my own or others, I treat them the same”.

How on earth did you not reply 'if you loved them the same as your own child, where are they now? Would you leave your own child behind if you split up with the mum? .. no didn't think so!'

How are you letting him get away with spouting such bullshit? The first thing I would have said to his 'you will have to do all the parenting' is to say 'well actually they are both YOUR children, so you don't get to opt out, you absolute pillock'

No wonder his relationship with his ex didn't last after they had a child, he sounds insufferable.

WTF? 🙄

LTB

He said he “loves all children the same, my own or others, I treat them the same”.

Yes... he always palms them off on whichever woman he's got currently plumbed in with the other appliances.

So long as she goes, anywhere is preferable than being with this horrible, appalling man.

The whole thing is very odd - how is she doing I go to school plays, take him to football matches, played with him when he was younger but not "parenting" These are parenting tasks (for want of a better word)

This is the saddest post I've seen on here. I'm so sorry. I don't even know where you go from here.

OP he sounds absolutely horrible. And stupid quite frankly, or perhaps a narcissist.

It would be sad for you to lose DSS but not this sad little snake of a man.

Really seriously consider your options. You deserve better and it sounds as though you are young and will find better xx

Except she hasn’t.. She’s said how she’s always done things with and for DSS and that she loves him to bits, wants him to bond with the new baby and he comes to her when he’s upset. Hardly the description of a cold, uncaring person.

I'm not saying (in my earlier post) that he is correct or entitled to act this way. I just found it very cold that you distanced yourself from a child in your home. I don't think either of you come out looking good.