The final straw…

Hmm, are you relying on your son to provide emotional support?

Or are you able to get this from family/friends?

You have your own answer, all you wanted was for your husband to say lets talk about it and handle it together, he did not.

Its really difficult to offer advice on the way forward as you haven't really said why you are unhappy in the marriage.

Be honest with yourself, what is wrong with the marriage, have you lost interest, have you both become complacent and there are things you can do to re-energise the relationship....if indeed you both want to make the effort to do this.

The way forward really does depend on your situation? Can you survive on your own with the kids? Do you work, whose name is the house in, whether you rent or own. Have you got all your financial ducks in a row to protect you, if you split?

If you haven't, I would hold back until you can sort this.

If you have, do you have family/friends nearby where you could leave the kids one weekend night? Get them out of the house and sit down with him and ask him if he is OK with the state of your marriage, listen to what he says and be honest with yourself about his answers, is there anything you could be doing better or trying hard at.

Then tell him why you are unhappy, and ask if he wants to work with you to try and sort it out. This is not your issue alone, he is party to this. You also need to ask him why, when you explained it was affecting your son, he said that is your fault and he is trying "not to hear it". If he genuinely believes this to be true, does he not want to address how you are feeling because besides how it is affecting your son, it either sounds like he has checked out already or is scared to admit the state of the marriage.

If he will not have a reasonable discussion then its time to tell him you need to consider splitting. If he is suffering from ostrich syndrome then that maybe the wake up call he needs.

Follow your gut instinct on the way forward but remember its not just about you two, but the future wellbeing of your children.

I think that when you talk to family or friends, they may have more of an inkling than you know. But talk to them in your own time.

Your son pretended to be ill because he knew YOU were upset and he wanted to come home to be a comfort to YOU. He wasn't concerned about his dad so you are not masking very well at all.

Your husband isn't interested in working on your relationship, you say you can't handle it anymore and your son is being affected. Stop waiting for your husband to become interested in fixing things and leave. It's not fair on your son for things to continue as they are.

I think your DHs comments, are all you need to hear really. If you are unhappy and have suggested counselling/therapy and he has declined, that indicates he thinks its your problem, not his or he can't be bothered or can't cope with the idea the marriage is not working.

BUT...Your child is being affected by the lack of action, he is picking up on the situation. You cannot do nothing.

Sit down with your husband and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that this is not a "you problem", its an "us problem" and its affecting your child. Something needs to change. If you are inclined to (and only you know if you want to try re-energise the marriage - not for the kids sake but for your future happiness), get joint counselling or decide whether you need to walk away from the marriage.

I know this is scary and overpowering but you do need to address this now. Big Hugs

Your gorgeous DS - he’s clearly unhappy. If your husband doesn’t want to change anything then you need to take steps to minimise the impact on your DS.