The final straw…

Then, gently and with great respect, there are things you can do to learn to manage stress differently. I think it might be helpful to you both because it cant be easy for you to live in a way that makes you hate yourself. Good luck.

OK, there is quite a bit here so its not a simple yes or no answer.

Everyone deserves support from their partner. If you are not getting it, what is the partnership for? And as for stress management - some people handle stress better than others. Doesnt mean you need "handling". Just makes you, you.

However, if you are anxious a lot of the time, and relying on other people to help you manage that, this can be exhausting and draining to a degree that the anxious person is oblivious too and people can get to a place of compassion fatigue. Is it possible that your DH is at this point? Have you tried to learn ways to manage your anxiety differently? It doesnt sound like good behaviour from him but he may just be burned out from it all.

2 things really struck me (and made me so sad for you).

I understand that I can be difficult to handle at times; however, I consistently show him love and support.

What does this mean? Has someone said this to you? This is a horrible message - no one is perfect, we can all be "difficult" at times, but it does not make us strange, wrong or unworthy of love and support.

The second thing is that the opposite of love is not hate - it is indifference. Once you dont really care about something, I am not sure there is any way back.

When me and exdp weren't getting on, we weren't arguing there was just silence. I got called into school as ds was upset that me and his dad were arguing. I went home that afternoon and asked him to move out. It just goes to show how much our behaviour impacts dc.

In your position I'd be considering leaving, because your husband is content to live in an unhappy situation, and doesn't seem to care about the effect it is having on your children. He is fine carrying on like this, because he blames you as the one with/causing any problems; and if you're unhappy, get yourself to counselling and get fixed but stop bothering me!

His cold disinterest in your 10-y-o would be the final straw for me. Whatever he thinks of you and you relationship as a couple, this should have been a wake- up call that there is something big wrong. But, no - itis all your problem to fix and he doesn'r want to be bothered. Cold, sociopathically cold.

The OP has come on here to ask for advice, because she doesn't think its right that it is affecting her son. She is genuinely concerned that her son has picked up on her unhappiness and her husband does not see this as his problem. She knows this is not OK, that is the basis of her post so if you don't have any constructive advice to give, stop being so mean. The OP is is a really difficult place.

But school wouldn't have let him home just because he said that. He also must have been quite convincing to the staff at school as we generally don't send home unless we really have to.

Anyway, I think you need to sort things with your husband regardless. If he is unwilling to engage in therapy then I would suggest to him that things can't be salvaged and that he is opting out of your relationship. Seek legal advice.

I can tell from the way my mum looks at me/people that she is saying one thing and feeling another. I used to get really annoyed as a kid as I could tell she disapproved of something but wouldn't say it out loud so I could challenge her on it. Kids might not know the specifics but they can often tell when something isn't right for all the attempts to hide it.

It might not be that you showed being upset this morning. Your son could have noticed at another time. Sounds like your husband has totally checked out and isn’t interested in saving anything. I’d look into splitting up, as it’s clearly affecting your children.

Then this makes even more sense that your son may just have wanted to go home himself and used you as an excuse or he just felt you might have felt upset as you missed him being back at school (and no other bigger reason).

Is there the possibility though that being the first day back your son was projecting. He said he knew you were upset and wanted to be home with you, but could this be the reverse? Having been at home for the school holidays he didn't want to be back at school.
Also could he just be saying he knew you were upset, thinking it was about him being back at school, and wanting to be home to keep you company, rather than awareness of this issues between you and his dad.