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The final straw…

109 replies

inthecornersofmymind · 07/01/2026 18:16

My husband and I have not been getting on as well as we should be, although we don’t argue or bicker.

This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.

This morning, our 10-year-old eldest son felt very excited about returning to school.

I had a phone call late morning, where they asked me to pick him up as he was not feeling well. As soon as we got into the car, he mentioned he wasn't feeling unwell. He apologised and explained that he lied because he knew I was upset, and he just wanted to return home to be with me.

I am good at masking my emotions around the children, but they claim that children can sense things.

At just 10 years old, he shouldn't have to think about me while at school; in fact, he should be free of any worries.

When we got back home, I phoned my husband, only for him to claim that this issue is something I've caused myself and that he is 'not trying to hear it.'

He displayed no concern whatsoever for our son being upset at school.

I am struggling to cope with this.

Recently, I have encouraged us to go to therapy because I am convinced it will help us work through our difficulties. He lacks any interest but tells me I should have it for my benefit.

OP posts:
inthecornersofmymind · 17/01/2026 14:54

Rhaidimiddim · 17/01/2026 12:05

That is a rubbish idea IMHO.

To start with, it implies you're the one with the problem. And that he'll support you while you fix yourself.

Meanwhile he gets to feel good about himself for " helping you" and gets to tell everyone how good he's being in this respect. While also throwing shade on you.

And you have him sat there while you're trying to work thing out with the therapist - him doing none of the work, and inhibiting you in what you say and how you say it.

Would a decent therapist even permit this?

Excuse me?

Can you tell me how you know and where you met my husband? That’s right you don’t!

This has nothing to do with him feeling good about himself; he stated that he would join me for support, and that's all there is to it.

He'll say hello but won't engage further unless invited.

In the future, I believe you should consider your words before typing, as you come across as quite …..

OP posts:
inthecornersofmymind · 17/01/2026 14:51

Thingything · 17/01/2026 10:06

Don’t know what to say about your relationship but you’ve obviously done a great job with your son, what a lovely sweet boy. He’ll make someone a wonderful husband one day.

Thank you, you’re so sweet.

Our son is really one of a kind.

OP posts:
YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 13:23

Sorry wrong thread

MagneticSquirrel · 17/01/2026 12:17

OP - kindly why are you staying in this relationship? You are not happy, your husband clearly doesn’t think anything is enough of a problem (for him) to make any changes,
discuss things or go to therapy. You want changes. Your husband does not - you can’t force anyone to change if they don’t want too, regardless of whether their current behaviour isn’t supportive / kind / whatever you want it to be.

If this has been going on a while and your husband won’t engage then as a couple you don’t seem compatible anymore and that’s ok, not everything can be “fixed”. Therapy may give you some “coping” strategies but if things are so bad your son is aware you are unlikely to be significantly happier just from therapy alone, you just have more tools to frame your feelings and cope with them.

Rhaidimiddim · 17/01/2026 12:05

inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 17:25

Evening! Just a quick update – my husband and I have had a conversation.

He's willing to come to therapy with me for support, but he’s not interested in doing it as a couple.

That is a rubbish idea IMHO.

To start with, it implies you're the one with the problem. And that he'll support you while you fix yourself.

Meanwhile he gets to feel good about himself for " helping you" and gets to tell everyone how good he's being in this respect. While also throwing shade on you.

And you have him sat there while you're trying to work thing out with the therapist - him doing none of the work, and inhibiting you in what you say and how you say it.

Would a decent therapist even permit this?

Thingything · 17/01/2026 10:06

Don’t know what to say about your relationship but you’ve obviously done a great job with your son, what a lovely sweet boy. He’ll make someone a wonderful husband one day.

AnnieandJ · 17/01/2026 10:02

How have things been since the chat? Are you going to go to therapy and he attend with you?

CookingFatCat · 09/01/2026 13:28

I would get therapy for myself whilst making plans to leave a relationship that has come to an end.

Froodit · 09/01/2026 13:25

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tuvamoodyson · 08/01/2026 18:20

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/01/2026 09:45

@tuvamoodyson he was unwell he was feeling anxious and worried.
why are you and others picking on op .
Give her a break she has came her for advice

Picking on her? 🙄

Blinkblanky · 08/01/2026 17:50

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inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 17:25

Evening! Just a quick update – my husband and I have had a conversation.

He's willing to come to therapy with me for support, but he’s not interested in doing it as a couple.

OP posts:
inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 10:29

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/01/2026 09:45

@tuvamoodyson he was unwell he was feeling anxious and worried.
why are you and others picking on op .
Give her a break she has came her for advice

I appreciate you, thank you. 🤗

Throughout the years, I have attended therapy sessions to address my ongoing problems; however, the coping techniques given to me only work for a short period.

My husband suggested we go shopping together, and I plan to use the journey there to speak with him.

OP posts:
inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 10:20

SnowyMcSnow · 08/01/2026 10:07

They’re not picking on OP? They’re trying to understand how things have gone from this

My husband and I have not been getting on as well as we should be, although we don’t argue or bicker.

To this
This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.

Because the history around what exactly has been going on and why (other than current school issue) wasn’t very clear.

If you think her comment wasn't nasty, then I will need to include you among those I will ignore here.

OP posts:
SnowyMcSnow · 08/01/2026 10:07

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/01/2026 09:45

@tuvamoodyson he was unwell he was feeling anxious and worried.
why are you and others picking on op .
Give her a break she has came her for advice

They’re not picking on OP? They’re trying to understand how things have gone from this

My husband and I have not been getting on as well as we should be, although we don’t argue or bicker.

To this
This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.

Because the history around what exactly has been going on and why (other than current school issue) wasn’t very clear.

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/01/2026 09:45

inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 07:18

How is this relevant in the current situation? What is the reason for your quotation?

@tuvamoodyson he was unwell he was feeling anxious and worried.
why are you and others picking on op .
Give her a break she has came her for advice

tuvamoodyson · 08/01/2026 08:58

inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 07:18

How is this relevant in the current situation? What is the reason for your quotation?

Because you said you are both very strict about honesty and not telling lies…seems he’s better at lying than you thought 🤷‍♀️

Factshows · 08/01/2026 07:50

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MrsDoubtingMyself · 08/01/2026 07:28

inthecornersofmymind · 07/01/2026 21:12

I easily become stressed, and I really hate that about myself. My husband doesn't help me out with this; he simply says he's used to it.

All I need from him is a little reassurance and support, is that asking for too much?

It obviously is too much for him, yes.

Why don't you regulate your own stress and anxiety? If you can't, get therapy to help you

The fact that your 10 year old has to lie to his teacher so that he can come home because he's so worried about you......BECAUSE YOU CANT REGULATE YOUR OWN EMOTIONS.....says it all

Get help from a professional.

Stop expecting your husband or anyone to help you (he's obviously checked out of helping you). Help yourself

AreYouBrandNew · 08/01/2026 07:27

Op I would look at getting therapy for yourself as the first step. It will give you clarity in your patterns whether you stay in this relationship or not. It may also be that your DH changes his mind re joint counselling if you start your own sessions.

Moonnstarz · 08/01/2026 07:20

Based on your further points then I do see his point about you seeking counselling on your own, as you acknowledge you are quite stressed and maybe it is this that is impacting your relationship as it does sound like he is still affectionate and available to you.

inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 07:18

tuvamoodyson · 08/01/2026 06:49

…but he, very convincingly it would appear, lied to his teacher about feeling unwell! So much so, he was allowed to go home.

How is this relevant in the current situation? What is the reason for your quotation?

OP posts:
inthecornersofmymind · 08/01/2026 07:16

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Yes, we are having sex, and he still greets with a hug and a kiss when he arrives home every evening.

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 08/01/2026 06:49

inthecornersofmymind · 07/01/2026 19:45

That would never be the situation; as parents, we have always been very strict on being honest and telling the truth.

Had he just wanted to come home, he would have been honest. We, as parents, do not shout or become upset at our children, even if their behaviour is out of line.

…but he, very convincingly it would appear, lied to his teacher about feeling unwell! So much so, he was allowed to go home.

Factshows · 08/01/2026 05:55

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