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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

169 replies

Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 17:42

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

OP posts:
MrsChristmasHasResigned · 07/01/2026 21:32

Iceshine · 07/01/2026 20:48

My neighbour has at least 2 glass full of wine when she gets home.
My sister has about 3 every night, shes not a drunk.

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They are both way over the limits to minimize harm from drinking and using alcohol in an unhealthy way. FWIW alcoholics rarely look drunk. Doesn't make their alcohol use any better. People on MN have really uninformed ideas about alcohol.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 07/01/2026 21:31

I’m guessing it’s actually more than 1, he’ll be sneaking more in somewhere along the line. And if he hasn’t yet, he will. Has he always liked a drink or is this new? It’s a slippery slope is all I will say.

Minjou · 07/01/2026 21:30

Zov · 07/01/2026 21:26

You won't get a very balanced view on here @Toomuchboooze I have seen threads where people say that necking 1.5 bottles of 15% white wine, 5 or 6 times a week is perfectly OK. 🙄

In the real world NO-ONE thinks drinking alcohol every night is normal, or healthy. Even 'just one.'

You would also have got different responses and a different poll result if you'd posted this at around 11am.

Completely wrong. Vast numbers of people think it's entirely normal.

Minjou · 07/01/2026 21:29

Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 20:40

I’m not stopping him or mentioning it so how am I being controlling?

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You said every time you talk to him about it he gets a defensive and you have arguments, so how are you not mentioning it?

Zov · 07/01/2026 21:27

Also @Toomuchboooze is it really just one every night?

Zov · 07/01/2026 21:26

You won't get a very balanced view on here @Toomuchboooze I have seen threads where people say that necking 1.5 bottles of 15% white wine, 5 or 6 times a week is perfectly OK. 🙄

In the real world NO-ONE thinks drinking alcohol every night is normal, or healthy. Even 'just one.'

You would also have got different responses and a different poll result if you'd posted this at around 11am.

Makingpeace · 07/01/2026 21:25

Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 17:48

He also complains about his disturbed and poor sleep endlessly and I’m sure this contributes! But i don’t say that because he’ll get defensive.

He has terrible sleep hygiene, doesn’t exercise, has no real social life outside of our family, and is stressed at work. It all just seems so unhealthy.

Is he depressed?

BillieWiper · 07/01/2026 21:23

Allout123 · 07/01/2026 19:46

Troll hunters, keep your opinions to yourselves. You're the boring ones.

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I'm surprised and I'm not a troll hunter whatsoever.

Maybe it says more about me that I think someone thinking one alcoholic beverage a day was problem drinking/alcolholism could only ever be fake.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/01/2026 21:21

The volume of alcohol in itself isn’t the problem. One glass a night is unlikely to create physical harm, although any level of alcohol poses some risk.

What would worry me is the reliance on it as part of the routine, which is could lead to dependency. If he uses it as a crutch to cope with stress it’s much more likely this will happen. Plus the defensiveness.

I read somewhere recently that what defines a problem drinker is when the drinking poses a problem for loved ones. By this metric it is a problem. I think you have to have a serious, cards on the table discussion about it and see where it goes.

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 07/01/2026 21:17

Guidelines suggest that, even if he is under the recommended amounts, which it sounds like he is close to, there should be non drinking days every week. Sounds like he is using alcohol as a crutch which is potentially very worrisome. His attitude to it is very concerning too, he sounds very defensive. You are not being unreasonable at all but on MN people will passionately defend drinking too much or in unhealthy ways.

CraftyMintHedgehog · 07/01/2026 21:13

@Toomuchboooze if it's one drink a night that's not so bad. He has the ability to stop at one.

I'd be more worried about his lack of exercise and phone obsession.

Can you not watch something together in the evening and ask he puts his phone away?

I have a glass of wine most nights but just one and I also a lot and have hobbies. I dont spend much time on a phone.

Yuasa · 07/01/2026 21:01

Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 20:40

I’m not stopping him or mentioning it so how am I being controlling?

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Unless you’re manipulating, forcing, threatening, belittling (etc.) him you’re not.

It’s another word that seems to have lost all meaning on here.

SliceofTosst · 07/01/2026 20:52

Leave him be. You sound a bit controlling.

Iceshine · 07/01/2026 20:48

Foggytree · 07/01/2026 20:13

One drink a night is what I have, though I do have 1 alcohol free day a week.

My neighbour has at least 2 glass full of wine when she gets home.
My sister has about 3 every night, shes not a drunk.

Iceshine · 07/01/2026 20:44

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 07/01/2026 20:08

Poor guy. Having a hard time a work, and then gets a hard time at home with you nitpicking over perfectly normal behaviours.

And wonder why their men up and leave, its like living with ya mum all over again.

Original poster
Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 20:40

Iceshine · 07/01/2026 18:29

Not arguing with someone dont mean you cant be controlling.

Show quote history

I’m not stopping him or mentioning it so how am I being controlling?

OP posts:
Foggytree · 07/01/2026 20:13

One drink a night is what I have, though I do have 1 alcohol free day a week.

Pineapplewaves · 07/01/2026 20:11

It’s only one drink and he’s having it with food so it’s fine. It’s no different to someone having a little bit of chocolate every evening after dinner or whatever they see as a treat. It would be different if he’s getting drunk every night. You have to have some willpower to pour a glass of wine and then put the bottle away, I’d be tempted to have another glass!

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 07/01/2026 20:08

Poor guy. Having a hard time a work, and then gets a hard time at home with you nitpicking over perfectly normal behaviours.

BeardedBarley · 07/01/2026 20:07

One drink is fine . Leave him alone.

YvieYfronts · 07/01/2026 20:05

I also can’t get over the minimising of daily alcohol. The evidence that alcohol was health protective was always controversial but even the NHS website now says that’s not the case. Also it’s a known carcinogen and one drink a day already increases risk. It might be fine socially but health wise, it really isn’t.

saraclara · 07/01/2026 20:00

Toomuchboooze · 07/01/2026 17:48

He also complains about his disturbed and poor sleep endlessly and I’m sure this contributes! But i don’t say that because he’ll get defensive.

He has terrible sleep hygiene, doesn’t exercise, has no real social life outside of our family, and is stressed at work. It all just seems so unhealthy.

One beer or glass of wine is not the cause of all that.

I have a glass of wine with my dinner every evening. I don't call that being a drinker. I just enjoy wine with my meal. In summer I'll probably have a G&T before dinner, instead.

LilyLemonade · 07/01/2026 20:00

I don't think a single drink a night is a big issue.
It may be suboptimal but so are many things we all do. It's not a major health risk.

Empress13 · 07/01/2026 20:00

The thing to worry about is if that one drink escalates to two then three

Jc2001 · 07/01/2026 19:59

havingoneofthosedays · 07/01/2026 17:48

Very very controlling

Being worried that your partner has a drinking problem it's being controlling.