To feel my SIL doesn’t know her privilege and is tricky to be around

Your brother told you about her wealth, she didn’t. Does she even know that you know? That she isn’t censoring herself exactly to your sensitivities does not make her ignorant as to her financial position compared to yours.

The majority of what she’s saying just sounds like general, casual chat. If you’re sharing about your lives and catching up then she’s going to do the same. What sort of ‘checking her privilege’ do you expect her to do? Sit quietly while you talk, lest she say something that so much as indirectly suggests that she has money?

It's her brother's girlfriend.

No mum would pretty much trump any jealousy I have for this situation.

And having lost a parent at the age of 26 you cannot and do not know the impact of something like that, go and get yourself some therapy and give your head a wobble.

No matter how old you are you’re jealous

She’s only 25 and she’s lost her mum , I think I’d let quite a bit slide tbh.
You don’t need to be best mates , you don’t need to discuss personal topics , just show her a bit of kindness.

What some people seem to neglect, when bitching about someone who had a large inheritance from family, is its highly likely that the deceased family worked their fingers to the bone to get where they were. That's not "privilege "
My parents married in the late 1950s and scrimped to buy a family home, went without luxuries, holidays, cars, new clothes etc.
Over 60 years the property rose in value leaving myself and siblings some money, not a huge amount, but enough not to worry too much about finances. My parents worked their arses off to get where they were, it didnt just drop upon them like magic

She is quite privileged for 25, her mother passed away and she inherited a huge amount of money (I know the loss of a parent isn’t a privilege and is a tragedy, but many lose parents and receive no money or very little), so she owns a flat outright in central London worth over 1 mil (I only know as my brother told me).

What an astonishingly dick thing to say.

So only weathy people learn the piano?

She sounds like an incredible person to have done this well at life despite losing her mum at a young age. She's allowed to obsess about superficial stuff like facials. Other people would have let one tragedy ruin their life but she seems to have everything together, successfully working and taking care of herself. Good for her.

If she’s always saying how lucky she is to work freelance, it sounds like she’s acknowledging her privilege. It sounds like you are envious that she is able to do this and she probably doesn’t know what else to say other than where there’s a will there’s a way. Would you prefer her to say gosh yes it’s so shit you can’t change what you’re unhappy about, poor you. She probably feels awkward and doesn’t know what to say for the best. She might look at your family and your relationship with your mum and be incredibly envious. I’m sure she’d much rather have her mum around than a flat in central london.

Youre just very, very, jealous. You should hope it doesnt show. If it does, I bet her privileged international school taught her enough manners that she wont make clear to you that she knows how pathetic you are being.

I think most people don't recognise their privilege! We tend to think we've earned our place in society and that others could achieve the same. But it's not true. We are born with certain advantages and disadvantages and where we end up is also dependent on luck. Your SIL is being insensitive.

It would be best if you stop confiding in her — don’t tell her about your job or your piano lessons. Just keep it civil. She doesn’t respond in the way you want her to. So stop giving her stuff she can react to. If she goes on about her work just smile and say ‘that's nice’.

You just sound jealous. If she isn’t married to your brother, she isn’t your sister in law.

Youre jealous sweetie. Its not about her checking her privilege

I'm not referring to the privilege of their entire childhood. I'm referring to the privilege of wealth.

Obviously very different kinds of privilege; but doesn't negate my point in the slightest.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she's young, thoughtless and lacks the life experience to know that other people's circumstances mean that some things that work for her, won't be an option for them.
If you want to have a closer meaningful relationship with her, you could try teaching her. So when she says something that is not applicable to people who are not wealthy/academic, you could explain that they're not, and why. When she talks about her privileged life, share some things about your own in return.
However if you're not that invested, you need to learn to let it go and hope she will learn tact with maturity.

She sounds like a pain in the ass and very immature. By 25 she is old enough to understand that people have very different backgrounds, it's different if she is 18 and only known wealthy kids. Even if your parents became wealthier in the years between you and DB, it wouldn't have been that vastly different. She should know all about your upbringing already from DB and not be surprised that you didn't grow up with her privilege. It's ok to say my parents couldn't afford piano lessons, do you correct her every time she makes a silly assumption? You don't need to be rude to her but it's ok to tell her that your circumstances are different. You don't need to be her best mate but you need to get along for the sake of DB

Well yes, in many ways of course she is very privileged. But as I'm sure you already realise part of the problem is that you are slightly envious of her. I would refrain from discussing certain subjects, like jobs/career with her and work on those things about yourself you would like to improve. For instance, just go take piano lessons if that's what you want to do! You don't need to talk to her about it or even inform her that you're taking them. I think if you focus on your own life and how to make it happier you'll slowly have less of an issue with her.

Also having lost my own Mum at the age of 26, that is no small thing. She never got to see me get married or meet her grandchildren. No amount of money can make up for that.

You do sound jealous, nothing wrong in feeling that way but you need to acknowledge that your feelings aren’t her fault.
I agree with others that you are very dismissive about her mum.
Like someone else said, I have a son a little younger than your SIL and the idea of him not having me around is heartbreaking.

@AphroditesSeashell not necessarily life isn't that black and white.

What if the million pounds flat had an awful mum.who didn't love her had a hard upbringing where as poor lost mum had the most invested loving caring mum whose love will envople her for a lifetime ?

Do you need to have an open relationship with your brother's girlfriend? Can't you just make polite chit chat and not delve too much into things? That would be the least stressful way of managing the fact that you had different upbringings and different lifestyles now.

It’s her brother’s girlfriend