To feel my SIL doesn’t know her privilege and is tricky to be around

@Chlosbows think you should worry more about increasing your earnings than other people who have more than you as they’ve lost their mum at a young age…

no, of course you don’t have to spend tonnes of time with someone you find irritating.

I also mentioned to her that I want to learn to play piano, I was seeking advice really

I'm not sure what advice she could give you other than, 'get a piano teacher'! That's what I would say to someone if they asked me. I couldn't recommend mine as they are long deceased and would love miles away anyway.

You sound very jealous and I'm not sure telling her that AI would probably replace her job in a few years was terribly kind!

Well your brother should keep his mouth shut and not be bragging about her girlfriend’s income (for all you know he’s exaggerating anyway). Sounds like you’re envious of her and your brother thinks he’s landed on a goldmine.

You don't like her - I might find her a bit of a PITA too.
So just minimise your contact with her and stop telling her your wishes & dreams if she just pisses all over them.

She’s 25. That’s not an age group that is well known for always being completely mature, well rounded, having their shit together and understanding that not everyone has the same life as they do. For her, her education and her lessons etc have all come very easily to her (I’m obviously not including her inheritance in that comment), so she’s never had to find a way to do anything, regardless of will. And if she’s never been around anyone who is hard up, then I doubt she’d have any real understanding of poverty. Does she even know that your parents finances didn’t improve until later in life? If not, and she’s aware your DB was privately educated, she might think that your parents always had the cash for things like that. Or she might think that being poor meant having to have your ponies on loan, rather than buying them outright. That doesn’t make her a bad person, just inexperienced.

And with the things she buys, or the lovely holidays she goes on, then be happy for her. Her having that buying power doesn’t detract from you. It doesn’t sound like she’s using them to demean anyone else. She also sounds like she works pretty hard for her income, so good for her for enjoying it. I’ve got a couple of rich friends and I live very vicariously through their holidays and handbag collections. If she tells you about a £200 pot of Crème de la Mer or a weekend trip to the Bahamas then be pleased for her. Ask her about it. Show interest in her life. I expect she’d trade it all in an instant for a pot of Nivea and a weekend in Butlins to have her parents back. And if you tell her about your life and she says something daft, then be open with her. Tell her your mum and dad didn’t have the money. Tell her you can’t think of any ways to organise a regular income for your DC.

Your brother’s girlfriend is young and perhaps a little self absorbed but so are quite a lot of 25 yo. It sounds as if she works hard and hasn’t frittered away her inheritance. Your sound quite envious and dismissive of her - suggesting the reason she gets academic translation work is because she went to those universities. I would imagine if her work was below par and she was late with deadlines, etc, they wouldn’t avail of her services. Would you not agree ?

She probably senses that you don’t particularly like her and snipe at her, hence her asking why you didn’t learn the piano when you were younger as you probably used a poor little me voice and said something like, oh I’d love to play the piano, like you.

Your don’t like your brother’s girlfriend, lucky for you you don’t need to have a relationship with her, other than a little chit chat at family gatherings. If you’d prefer not to holiday with her, then don’t.

It's all Relative though isn't it. You see her as privileged, others would say YOU are by comparison with their lives.

Do you ensure you keep this in mind in conversation with others?

However she is always talking about how lucky she is to work freelance, she can take more weeks of annual leave, start work later and finish later etc

Sounds like she absolutely does know her privilege and openly acknowledges it.

What else is she supposed to say?

Your callousness about the loss of her mother at a young age is extremely cold and dismissive.

Bitter nonsense. Focus on the fact that she's wealthy, successful and high earning and living a lifestyle many people on here can only dream of. None of that makes up for losing her mother but good for her.

I'd have to phase her out tbh

She sounds awful

I don’t feel I can have an open relationship with her as anytime I mention a part of my life I’m unhappy with...

You sound bitter and begrudging. Why are you moaning to an acquaintance about your unhappiness? That isn't something they need to hear.

You sound consumed with jealousy and attribute everything to the fact this woman had money and you didn't. I grew up in absolute poverty, without a mother, and am now pretty well off through my own efforts. But it comes across that you'd rather wallow in self-pity and expect sympathy from those who are richer.

Interesting that you frame the situation as her being privileged rather than you being jealous!
I lost my mother at a similar age, and also inherited a substantial sum. Her early death has defined my life in many ways big and small. I’m now not far off 60 and my friends are losing their parents to dementia/cancer etc. they’ve had 35 extra years of having a mother, a grandmother for their children, a family matriarch. I suspect she, like I would trade all our “privilege” for having had a mother around till we were middle aged ourselves!
Comparison is the thief of joy OP, jealousy is a horrible attribute.

Instead of focussing on what she has, focus on what she doesn’t have. She doesn’t have a Mum, she doesn’t have steady work, she works in academic translation where there won’t be any work within 2- 5years (I’m working with several tech companies that are working on that specific problem). A 1m property in central london also isn’t the draw it used to be any more unless you’re able to live there, which it sounds like she can’t. So she’s probably renting out to rent out and doesn’t have her own home. If you have all those things then you should just consider yourself lucky.

Why did you feel the need to mention that to her? To try to get one over on her?

So what you are saying is she shouldn't talk about her life because its upsetting to you because you aren't as priviledged. Instead she should stay silence so you don't have to listen to it. Its not fair that you have to listen to her talking about nice things she's done because you are jealous.

I hope you apply this to all situations and make sure if you are around anyone poorer than you, you don't mention that this week you went into M&S and bought a fancy dessert because you fancied it. I mean how do you know you aren't talking to someone who has just been to the food bank. Maybe you should invent a trolley cover so no one gets upset at your fancy shopping this week.

Life's not fair. Its annoying but seriously get a grip.

I read the first paragraph and can see that you are green with envy.

Your simmering jealousy is awful.

In most cases if you are born into a privileged life , that carries on through life unless there is some disaster that happens , and yes loosing your mum at that age is a disaster . I was the same age as that when my dad died , but I didn't receive an inheritance from him .
But in life there are the haves and the have nots and she falls into the former . Be pleased for her and if her relationship works out with your db , he will probably become a have as well .

Young girl? She's a 25yr old professional woman!

You may think she is privileged but as others have said, losing your mother at that young age is very tough. She must have worked hard to get the career she has and that shows dedication. Surely you can give her credit for that?

It could be without a mum she hasn’t had good role models to teach her how to be more sensitive and read the room.

Spend less time with her if you can get away with it but give her a break. I said some silly and insensitive things in my 20s and learned with age.

She mostly translates academic papers, this seems to be made easier by her having good relationships with the universities she went to. You what?

If you don't understand her work you've no right making statements like this.

2 masters degrees at 25 is no mean feat. She lost her mother ffs!

Grow up before your jealousy eats you.

She just sounds like a normal 25 year old to be honest, chatting about what skincare she's using, what holidays she's going on while having different priorities to you and perhaps being a bit very slightly naive about some of the realities of life.

My much younger cousin asked me at Christmas why I didn't buy a Mini if I've always wanted one, whereas I am currently struggling to run my clapped out old Ford. Young people in their 20s do something think a bit more short-term, in the here and now, and focused on what they want. And good luck to them.

Let them enjoy their facials and their holidays and their lease cars while they're young, because mid- to late-adulthood is a relentless grind for most people, whether that is financial, raising children, health problems, or whatever it may be.

If it's feasible, don't engage with her too much. Don't share any ambitions, woes, etc with her. Keep things on a very general level with her.

She's been very lucky and is who she is. I've encountered many people who've been to international schools. My friend teaches in one and her sons went to one. They are taught to be ultra confident, not modest, ambitious, etc.

A lot of young adults just like talking about themselves tbh. They are wrapped up in their own lives.
I'd find constant talk about expensive holidays, skin care and facials really boring. We all have different interests, which change over time and as we get older. Just be polite and don't bother talking with her about aspects of your life you are unhappy with. Save those talks for someone who can offer productive advice ( if that's what you are looking for).