To feel my SIL doesn’t know her privilege and is tricky to be around

To give you a bit of perspective, I too had help with the house deposit and at some point I will receive a large inheritance, that will help my children on the housing ladder.

But then on the flip side, I was abandoned by my dad as a young child, suffered a very serious assault when I was 10 and grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive family. I was also bullied relentlessly in school.

I always envied people that had positive ,stable, loving relationships with their family and I still do.

No amount of money can give you that.

I bet she feels the same way about the loss of her mum

I think this is a very first world problem. Just maintain a polite distance if you feel you need to, but you will encounter far more difficult people in life so if I were you I would enjoy the things you do like about her and just screen out those you don't. She doesn't sound that bad to me.

I think wealthy people have no real idea of what it's like to live with less money. They think it means driving an older car, but they don't realise that that means living with actually breaking down on the road, or your car not starting in the morning, because that has literally never happened to them. They live in a big house with neighbours in equally big houses who run big businesses and can offer your children work experience/internships in sought after roles, and don't notice that your child's work experience was a week as a waiter in the cafe round the corner, or sweeping up at the local hairdressers because those are the contacts you have based on where you live. They don't notice that your house remains tatty because you have no time to decorate, while they just employ decorators. For you to have guests to stay, you have to spend days cleaning and move a child into your bedroom, while they already have a spare room ready and waiting, and the weekly cleaner keeps the house pristine - they just don't notice and think they're just more sociable than you because they have more friends to stay more often. You think their house is boiling hot but that's because you can't really afford heating so have got used to layering up and breathing cold air indoors - they think thermal undies are just for skiing holidays, but for you it's everyday wear!

It's that old saying - you'd have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you really knew what their life was like.

At 25 I had not met the wide range of people that I have now (several decades later ) and was ignorant of my privilege. I thought having ballet / swimming and music lessons were a fairly standard childhood experience because most of my friends enjoyed that sort of thing .
I was well into my 30’s and had worked for years in inner city child care before I had witnessed poverty and terrible parents which opened my eyes to what a bubble of a nice community I’d grown up in

she’s young I’d cut her some slack

I'm sure I read this a wee while back.

I got a big life changing inheritance when my mum died and I’d flush it all down the loo to have more time with my mum , when( if) they have kids she will miss her mum even more

stop having conversations with her where she can come out with comments that rile you up

I can sympathise a bit because I have a tricky history with my in laws , they also are much more privileged than us and are a bit smug and make very annoying comments but I limit my engagement with them for this reason

she’s young and getting under your skin but not your brothers so you need to suck it up and keep the conversation in safe topics

I hope you changed a lot of the details @Chlosbows as this is horribly identifying otherwise

For doing what? Making reference to what she’s doing when everyone else is doing the same? By acknowledging her luck when it comes to being able to work freelance?

OP’s brother is also privileged in comparison to OP, so and he’s the one that told OP about his girlfriend’s financial position in the first place.

In some ways her life is easier than yours. However I would choose my mum living longer over a million pound flat. She would probably do the same.

YABU to give the impression that she’s rolling in it. Most 25 year-olds in London who are educated to Masters level will be earning £50k+. When I last worked in London our graduates’ starting salary was not far off that.

I would focus on your life and not waste another moment fixating on your SIL’s privilege.

FWIW I love spending time with people who are privileged as I find discussions about money and moaning about ‘being broke’ insufferable. Give me discussions about luxury holidays and high-end facials any day!

This isn't problematic.
She has taken the chances she's had in life and she has capitalised on them. She has her shit together and she's set herself up well.

Given the choice of a 1 milly flat in London or your mum being dead when you are early 20s, most people would choose their mum alive. I know I would.

It’s her sister in law

OP you are being ridiculous and this is a non issue.

Surprised at the reactions you’re getting here OP - she does sound like an insufferable bragger (and I say this as someone who earns enough as a freelancer to pay high rate tax and go travelling to exotic destinations for 8 weeks or more every year). The sadness of her mum dying young does not cancel out the fact that a million pound inheritance is a huge privilege (and for all we know maybe her mum was a horrible cunt and she isn’t that affected by it).

as for people saying if you grow up privileged and associate only with other privileged people you can’t possibly be expected to realise not everyone lives like that, come the fuck on. It isn’t hard to read literally one news article about food banks or poverty. That’s just ignorance. Never seems to work the other way though, poor people are very aware of the fact richer people exist.

I actually think that her losing her mum is red herring here. The problem is that she has very different background money wise and as she’s young so she is not very understanding and thoughtful. Her comments about learning piano and others are very telling. She sounds very self centered.
I don’t think you will be able to be close friends with her especially as your brother was raised in different circumstances than you. So I wouldn’t count on her for understanding, moral support or advice but she might be good company for a theatre trip or to visit a new restaurant. You just need to find a way to have a simple relationship with her for your brother’s sake so just stick to basic topics, limit reasonably time together and ignore her bragging about facials or late mornings. And moan here from time to time.

By the way she might change a bit with age, people do sometimes so she might be much more tolerable in 10 years time.

OP's brother earns 50k not his girlfriend.

Most people don't know their privilege - isn't that part of the definition?

I wouldn't say she displays this though. Not only has she lost her mum but has clearly stated as per your OP that she's lucky to have the job she does. No hint of privilege, just a bit of jealousy on your part.

I think losing your mum is a pretty big obstacle to overcome, regardless of your financial status. It’s amazing how when someone has money, others are so quick to be dismissive and lack sympathy because ‘they have money, what can they possibly moan about.’ Maybe she’s optimistic because she’s realised pretty quickly and prematurely for that matter that life can be short

A bit green with envy, it sounds like, OP. Why whip yourself up into a tizzy over her braggart ways?

I can see why other posters can think you may be a bit envious but as you say she lost her parent which is not something to be envied and also I can see why people who seem to boast and have no self awareness can be annoying. Maybe don't tell her you're not happy if you don't want her to make suggestions. You don't have to be her friend if she's not your cup of tea.

I thought it as her brother's girlfriend not her son's...

There are lots of people like this and not much you can do. I always feel that they haven't really evolved to be fully rounded people yet. I think it's ok to be privileged. There will always be privileged people; however, I do think the ones who don' t have a more balanced, clearer understanding of the nature of life for ALL people are somehow a little narrow and underdeveloped intellectually.

You are not being unreasonable in that it’s not her freelance translation job letting her live so carefree! It’s her inheritance! I’ve worked freelance translation and it pays a pittance. Good money at 22, but could not sustain rent/mortgage or family without a lot of hours.

You are being unreasonable to feel jealous, but it is not unreasonable to question wealth inequality more broadly.

Wow, what have I just read? Bitter jealousy just oozes from your posts, OP.
And I'm not an expert on prices of flats in central London, but I wouldn't have thought a million pounds would buy something really nice.

OP
Life often serves hard lessons which teach humility. It will happen in time. She is young. Maybe just choose conversation with her more carefully