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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being over sensitive?

128 replies

Bulldog01 · 06/01/2026 23:27

Back in June 2025,we were invited to my Husband's niece wedding reception.We declined as we live 130 miles from the reception.We sent a decent card with best wishes & a Cheque for £50.00 dated 11/06/25.We would normally send much more,but as we were not attending the reception & her behavior in the past was verging on very rude to our daughter at a previous wedding.We did not feel this was being mean.Today 6/1/26 a cheque was cleared on our bank account from my husband's niece six months after it was sent! I was really quite annoyed by this! Husband thought I was being overly sensitive. Lucky we had some money in the account to pay the cheque.What are your thoughts?

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mumofb2 · 08/01/2026 14:37

My question is did she acknowledge the cheque ? Or has she cashed it in without a thank you ?

PurpleThistle7 · 08/01/2026 14:37

I don’t understand the issue either. If you’re paying things by cheque (why?) then wouldn’t you keep track and have a list somewhere of everything outstanding? I’m 45 so way back when I used cheques I’d keep a running total of outstanding cheques so I didn’t overdraft.

I have no idea why you’d send someone a gift and then begrudge them using it. What did you expect?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 08/01/2026 14:31

bittertwisted · 08/01/2026 11:18

Missing the point, but I can use my banking app to pay a cheque in

You mean like has been said countless times on this thread and been pointed out just as many times that it's not always an option...

lifeonmars100 · 08/01/2026 12:07

i haven't had a cheque book for more years than I can remember, just do bank transfers on my banking app

RampantIvy · 08/01/2026 11:57

bittertwisted · 08/01/2026 11:18

Missing the point, but I can use my banking app to pay a cheque in

And I can't because Nationwide don't offer this.

user1492757084 · 08/01/2026 11:39

It's perfectly fine.
You should have known that the cheque was outstanding when you did your monthly bank reconciliations.

bittertwisted · 08/01/2026 11:18

Missing the point, but I can use my banking app to pay a cheque in

Salvadoridory · 08/01/2026 09:43

Who supplies you with chequebooks, Martin Chuzzlewit?

PinkyFlamingo · 08/01/2026 09:41

I'm curious why you thought she wouldnt cash it?

Thehandinthecookiejar · 08/01/2026 09:40

Haggisfish3 · 06/01/2026 23:31

It’s quite cheeky but I wouldn’t be offended. TBH I find cheques a total pita so I would potentially take ages to cash one too. 😬

I despair sometimes. It’s quite cheeky to cash a cheque?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2026 09:35

She should obviously say thank you though.

I don’t think £50 is a bad amount so no need to bring up the business with the rude comment - either give a gift if you want to or don’t! Hopefully the intended slight in giving less than you would usually was lost on her as that would be a very rude way to express your feelings about that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2026 09:32

Indianajet · 06/01/2026 23:42

There are so few banks now, cashing a cheque is a real pain, so they probably kept putting it off. If you send a cheque, monitor your account until it is cashed .

This is what I was going to say! You know you’ve written a cheque so you keep that amount in your account until it’s gone.
Cheques are a PITA for both parties - for the recipient because there are so few branches about, and the giver because they do have to monitor their account - but it’s the giver’s choice to send one!

The reference to “the most expensive time of year” is really clutching at straws trying to be offended.

Brightlittlecanary · 08/01/2026 08:24

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 08/01/2026 00:20

If money is so tight for you (which it clearly appears to be if a £50 cheque coming out is going to cause problems), how come you hadn't checked your bank statements and noticed that the cheque hadn't already been cashed?

I think she knew it wasn’t cashed and was hoping it never would be, so they just made an empty gesture.

Bikergran · 08/01/2026 08:18

Actually so few people, especially younger people, use cheques now, and because there are so few bank branches, this is not uncommon, unfortunately. People leave cheques to pay in at a later date then forget about them.

RampantIvy · 08/01/2026 08:15

GladPinkBear · 08/01/2026 08:13

With my banking app you can cash in cheques on that. NO need to take it to bank/po.

It has been pointed out many, many times on this thread that you can't do this with all banking apps. Nationwide don't offer this.

GladPinkBear · 08/01/2026 08:13

With my banking app you can cash in cheques on that. NO need to take it to bank/po.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/01/2026 07:59

Sorry quoted wrong person

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/01/2026 07:58

Travelfairy · 06/01/2026 23:41

I don't know anyone who uses cheques any more 🙈 she probably had it lying around and kept meaning to go. Its hard to get to the bank if working etc she should have thanked you for the gift though

My mum always gives cheques, Lloyds banking app enables me to scan onto my phone so no bank required

mamajong · 08/01/2026 07:54

Whats the issue? Cheques can be banked within 6 months and you can see if and when it has left your account - what an odd thing to be offended about?! If you wanted the money to clear straight away you could have asked for bank details and just sent a transfer. Gosh some people really do look for things to get the hump about!

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 08/01/2026 00:20

If money is so tight for you (which it clearly appears to be if a £50 cheque coming out is going to cause problems), how come you hadn't checked your bank statements and noticed that the cheque hadn't already been cashed?

FunkyFringe · 08/01/2026 00:09

Bulldog01 · 06/01/2026 23:27

Back in June 2025,we were invited to my Husband's niece wedding reception.We declined as we live 130 miles from the reception.We sent a decent card with best wishes & a Cheque for £50.00 dated 11/06/25.We would normally send much more,but as we were not attending the reception & her behavior in the past was verging on very rude to our daughter at a previous wedding.We did not feel this was being mean.Today 6/1/26 a cheque was cleared on our bank account from my husband's niece six months after it was sent! I was really quite annoyed by this! Husband thought I was being overly sensitive. Lucky we had some money in the account to pay the cheque.What are your thoughts?

You are being over sensitive and frankly ridiculous.

Shutuptrevor · 08/01/2026 00:01

Bulldog01 · 07/01/2026 00:45

Maybe I am being over sensitive.I am almost 66, so a bit old fashioned.Personally I have in the past been sent cheques, example Battersea Dogs & cats home,not ever going to cash that cheque.A cheque from HMRC then yes, I would cash that cheque.Not immediately,but well within six months.If I'm being honest, I did not think she would cash the cheque.As I mentioned previously we are not close,she was rude to our daughter.Why would you bank it six months later around Christmas week?

Wait, Battersea Dogs Home send you cheques? Why??

PorridgeEater · 07/01/2026 23:49

"If I'm being honest, I did not think she would cash the cheque"

That's weird!
If you send a cheque you have to expect people to cash it!

SusanChurchouse · 07/01/2026 22:00

Agree it may have been to do with the name on the cheque. I never changed my name so a cheque we got addressed to Mr and Mrs ‘Churchouse’ was never cashed.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/01/2026 21:52

MibsXX · 07/01/2026 21:14

Can you not scan them into your phone in online banking?

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As has been said more than once, no.