Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

She was clear, his incompetence and inability to read the room isn’t on her.

I think you are both a bit strange. Yes, she was rude and snappy, but your own behaviour was so weird that I can kind of understand what might have triggered it, if she is usually a pleasant person.

The first time, I wouldn’t dream of ringing someone’s door bell (especially at 8am when you know that they don’t live alone). If you have someone’s number, the normal approach is that you text them from your car to let them know you’re there.

The second time, two things:

You were overstepping the boundary even to offer to pick up the equipment. She was responsible for returning it, you should have left her to do it. If she asked for assistance then that would be different, but she didn’t.

Then, she did say she’d bring the equipment out and you chose to ignore that. I get that if you’d been waiting quite some time, you might hop out to see if any help was needed, but you didn’t really give her a chance. Given that she’d already indicated the first time that you were unwelcome on the property, you really should have just waited for her to come out.

I think OP, as a manager, you would probably benefit from thinking about where the boundary should be between work and personal relationships with your employees.

Yup. Deliveries ring my bell around 8am all the time.

If it matters to her, she does need to say that, yes. Because coming to help carry the stuff out is well within the range of normal human behaviours. She knows what she wants and why. OP isn't a mind-reader. So if she's going to strop about it, she needs to be clear or just manage the situation herself.

Yes. Yes it is. It's completely normal. 5 am no. 6/7 am not without permission (e.g. normal for school friends meeting to travel together but not for any old reason). 8am totally fine. Many delivery/repair services/household stuff says "anytime between 8am-8pm" so it's assumed the average person is ok with that.

She said not to ring doorbell, to call her when he’s parked up, and she will then bring the goods to the car.

Unless he’s an absolute imbecile does she really need to spell it out and add “stay in the car” to the sentence as well ?

Some parents are abusive. My OH’s parents wouldn’t allow any of his friends to come up the drive for example. Not your fault though.

She never asked him to stay in the car. If she's going to be rude to someone doing her a favour over something so minor, she needs to make her instructions clearer. Or indeed, to consider politely refusing the favour and keeping control of the situation herself that way.

Her text was rude, giving you orders without a please or a thanks for your help, but she accepted your offer to help her out.

So, unlike others, I wouldn't read this as her having a problem with you or your behaviour apart from these incidents. She could have taken the trouble to return these things herself if she didn't want you near the house.

She sounds like a rude and snappy person who would be like this with many people. A her problem, not a you problem.

I would phone instead of ringing a doorbell up to about 9am, but it's no big deal. Apart from that I wouldn't fault your behaviour as described here at all.

Is it really a normal thing to do before 8am when he’s only picking her up, and she lives at her parent’s house?

If she lived alone I could see your point. But he wouldn’t just be disturbing her by ringing it, it’ll disturb her parents too. Maybe they’re retired and not up at that time?

I sympathise with you over being rebuked for ringing the doorbell, perfectly normal thing to do.

But, in relation to the second incident, surely it’s obvious that she was annoyed at you ignoring her request to stay in the car. Why did you do that?

I’m surprised more people aren’t reading into this. She’s quit her job shortly after travelling on a works trip with him and now appears to not have any tolerance towards him at all. Yes her reaction sounds a bit extreme but surely there’s a reason behind this reaction. Everyone is taking this one incident alone at face value and calling her crazy.

OP she specifically texted you telling you that she would bring the goods to your car. She will have reasons for this and you chose to ignore them and step on her parents property. Regardless of whether he was doing her a favour or not doesn’t give him the right to ignore he wishes and approach her family home.

I’m guessing you may have form for either ignoring her, being overbearing, or over stepping boundaries, and this was the final straw.

Why did she leave?

None of us know if you have done anything wrong. One thing is clear, she left the job after a short time. Did she give you any feedback on why she left so soon? Do you think it was because of the doorbell incident?

You and your colleagues have dodged a bullet.

Seriously? The woman had a choice to sort herself out and chose not to. OP offered, and it was always an option for her to say ‘no thanks. I’ll sort myself out’. Sounds like she’s no problem with being assertive when needed….

I told her and she texted back “Okay. Don’t ring the door bell again, just call when you’re parked outside and I will bring the equipment to the car”. When I arrived later I pulled up and rung her telling her I was outside. Afterwards I got out the car and walked to the front door, I arrived just ask she opened the door with the equipment, she looked taken aback and said “I told you to stay in the car!” I said “You said not to ring the doorbell I wasn’t going to”

She explicitly told you not to ring the door bell. You knew from the previous incident she had some of issue with you approaching/ringing the doorbell. Yes, she may be as mad as a box of frogs, but given that you don't know her, there's also the possibility there is good reason for her aversion to this.

You say you weren't going to ring the doorbell but you were approaching the front door, AND had already rung the doorbell on the previous occasion, so reasonable for her to assume you were about to do it again. I don't know why you didn't just wait in the car.

If she’s left the company and you’re never going to see her again, then don’t give her a second thought. Life’s too short.

This was my first thought -, perhaps parents are hoarders or inappropriate in some way. Perhaps this isn't her issue at all and they are strange about having people at their home and she's trying to respect boundaries they set. I wouldn't have rung the doorbell either unless I'd phoned repeatedly with no response, especially since she doesn't live alone - I think it's fair for her to be concerned about waking her parents. Either way, it's not really your issue now.

This. I’m guessing there’s a backstory to this and her annoyance which she had to suppress was finally released now she’s no longer working there with him. Would explain why she left the company so soon.

Also it’s not her house, I can understand her not wanting her family and work mixing. I like to keep a professional distance.

Ffs. It was work!

Yeah, I’m not understanding why you rang the doorbell in the first place - I’d only do that if someone had ignored my text or call saying I’m there.

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I would have viewed ringing the doorbell as the perfectly normal, natural thing to do, while sitting outside and texting seems slightly weird.

I can't see anything at all wrong with how OP behaved and think the ex employee sounds highly strung and hard work.

Is anyone else wondering why she/they have a doorbell?

I think she sounds rude and unfriendly. Try not to take it on.

You should have just knocked instead. 😂

Dodged a bullet. She could have said, please don't come to the door, that would have been clearer.