Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

We don't know why she left the business, you are definitely projecting. It might be her parents told her to leave, it might be she has another role it might be she anything. You are just joining a few sentences into a scenario.

Behaviour in your country isn't relevant if this didn't take place there. The reason this person is finding it weird is because most people do not react like that to the situations he describes. Same as you find it weird that our approach is less direct. People do not expect women to say please and thank you. They expect people to. If you choose not to that's up to you but people will find it rude.

OP let it go, if she has an exit interview you may find out more information.

But thinking it over, I have never had a situation where a male from work drove to my home, or any of my family's homes, let alone rang the doorbell. If you were early, ringing the doorbell is poor anyway- and you knew it wasnt her flat she lived alone in. You may be disturbing someone sick, waking a baby, stopping someone from falling asleep after a night-shift, annoying the family dog, forcing a creaky old arthritic lady to come down the stairs to answer the door. You may also be exacerbating a DV or coercive control situation. You just don't know and you know what? It's none of your business. You shouldn't be knocking on her door.

It's just annoying, irritating, invasive.

Parents are possibly religious weirdos who would have a shitfit if she got into a car with a male she wasn't married to?

I was living with an abusive man (my ex thankfully) and my work didn’t know - assumed i was living with my parents and I would’ve been beaten up if a male from work had rung the door bell. Sounds like more going on, maybe this is why she left too as her controller has told her to. I am seeing another side to this borne of my bad experiences

I think she was rude but depending on your manner (I'm not suggesting there was anything wrong) I might have felt you were being over familiar and crossing the line between work and personal. Being hostile is a signal to back off.

😂😂 she’ll be asking her parents to install video surveillance after this incident (let’s hope it’s not Ring Doorbell 😬)

Sorry but people saying it was fine for him to ring the door at 8am, it really wasn’t good etiquette at all. No doubt she didn’t want her parents woken.

also totally normal for OP to pick up her equipment or failing that opt for courier. She doesn’t drive and therefore it likely isn’t easy to drop off herself. Really can’t comment accurately otherwise without knowing full context but clearly the job isn’t match her expectations.

"No thanks, I'll drop it back myself" would have been the obvious way to deal with that.

I thought this too. She sounds creeped out by him. Like she’s trying her best to keep him at arms length, but he keeps overstepping the boundaries and stepping onto her parents property 😂

I mean she handed in her notice a few weeks in after a work trip with him and just when she thought she was rid he asks to come to her house again the following evening 😂 Poor cow

Nothing stopping her from returning the equipment herself if she wanted to.

Im reasonably neutral on the situation - just not leaping to fill in gaps.

You can be direct and still include a please or thank you. And since, as you say, she'd left the company, she had no reason to accept the OP's offer unless it suited her. So I don't buy the suggestion that it was terribly important that he read her mind and not set foot on the property, since it was obviously in her hands to avoid that scenario by returning the equipment herself.

Saying thanks and goodbye to someone doing you a favour isn't fake politeness - it's very basic manners.

And also why you had to drive or why did you have to pick up equipment? She could have just returned it herself

is there an element of you wanting to have some contact with her outside of work and THAT’s what made her snappy and wary of you? Generally you seem too drawn
to her/her parents house and too
involved
looks suspicious

She’d left the business at the point, he was no longer in a position of power over her. You’ll stop at nothing to defend this man won’t you 😂

Personally I like direct women, I am not British and think there’s far too much fake politeness in this country. Her reactions would not be considered rude where I am from. Her text wasn’t rude it was just straight to the point. I don’t know why women are expected to fluff up their text messages, and why does she need to say please and thank you on that specific one 😂 Honestly, so soft.

Wtf!

Good thing she's not staying, so you won't have to deal with her again. I could understand being annoyed if you had rung the doorbell again after she specifically asked you not to you, but she shouldn't have snapped at you or tried to order you to stay in the car, especially when you were doing her a favour.

You are both weird.

why didn’t you stay in the car second time round as agreed?

She appears to have no problem whatsoever asserting herself and stating her requirements, though. So without more evidence I'm doubtful about this interpretation.

I'd say she's quit because she's realised she can't work with you, you're not treating her as an equal. She can maybe see there's no malicious intent behind your actions, so nothing to complain about exactly, but all the same she can't put up with it.

Exactly my thoughts

I think you were weird to ring the doorbell, especially that early. You have phone number you should’ve called her to come out. When my old boss came to collect equipment, that is exactly what he did.

And on the second occasion, I don’t understand why you go out of the car. She made it clear she didn’t want you to ring the doorbell and she said she was going to come to the car.

Who knows what her situation is. It could be an abusive one.

I wonder if she was rude and snappy or if she was just asserting her boundaries - which got ignored anyway.

I don’t think this was on purpose at all by the OP, He obviously cares about this situation enough to post about it to understand it better. I think next time you need to just listen to what people say and just maybe read between the lines? Step back a bit..

OP was being helpful. And he appears conscientious to ask if he was rude. He is not rude but respectful. Not crossing boundaries nor being overpowering.

I don't think we have any evidence that the employee couldn't have refused either offer, though, or that OP didn't ask but told. Especially once she'd left. This is one way of filling in the gaps but there would be plenty of other possibilities.

I find the tone of her text to OP really impolite (and hardly downtrodden and placating) so I lean towards the assumption that her manners just aren't great.

I don't see it. The only obvious thing to take from don't ring the doorbell is don't disturb the household. He's visible either way, in his car or standing in the driveway. If that's a problem, she should have returned the equipment herself.

And if he had misunderstood a clear request, - which I'd dispute - she still had no need to be rude. But since her initial text was also pretty rude, it's not surprising that she carried on that way.

You may have intended both these situations to be a favour to her OP but you didn't ask, you just told her what is happening. The thing is you're her boss, so she probably felt she couldn't say no, even though she quite obviously doesn't want you near her home. She'd possibly have preferred to make her own way to the venue and to bring the equipment into work herself and hand it over there. I'd say she's quit because she's realised she can't work with you, you're not treating her as an equal. She can maybe see there's no malicious intent behind your actions, so nothing to complain about exactly, but all the same she can't put up with it.

Did you do something wrong? Not really, trying to be nice isn't wrong. But if you want to improve then in future ask if someone wants the favour you'd like to do for them, instead of assuming, because to the other person it might feel more like an imposition.

I'd say she really wasn't clear. That's why we have a discussion going on about the right time to start ringing doorbells. The assumption is she didn't want her parents disturbed, not that she was happy to have him help by picking stuff up but only if he stayed in the car.

She was unclear and unnecessarily rude.

Correct the text did not say “stay in the car” but it was pretty clear that he should not approach the house. Not sure how it could be taken any other way.