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Original poster

Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

193 replies

Brooklans · 06/01/2026 22:35

For context I am male. A woman who reports to me joined the company 6 weeks ago snapped at me and wondered if this is simply a misunderstanding.

A few weeks ago we had to travel to another city for work, I said I’d drove us both there the following morning at 8am. She gave her address (she’s staying at her parents temporarily) and then later sent me a text so I “had her number for tomorrow morning”. The next morning I arrived slightly early and didn’t call beforehand, and rang the doorbell twice. When she got in the car she said “Please don’t ring the doorbell again, it’s not my house it’s my parents I’m only staying there for the time being”.

She announced the role wasn’t right for her shortly afterwards, and on her final day I remembered she had some company equipment at home (for WFH purposes) and offered to pick them up from her parents house the following evening to save her bringing them back to the office. She text me the next day asking what time I will arrive. I told her and she texted back “Okay. Don’t ring the door bell again, just call when you’re parked outside and I will bring the equipment to the car”. When I arrived later I pulled up and rung her telling her I was outside. Afterwards I got out the car and walked to the front door, I arrived just ask she opened the door with the equipment, she looked taken aback and said “I told you to stay in the car!” I said “You said not to ring the doorbell I wasn’t going to” As she walked to the car with the equipment she said “I told you I’d bring the equipment to the car!” Put the equipment in the boot and walked off back into the house without saying bye. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Iocanepowder · 07/01/2026 08:49

Is the actual reason she quit her job and snapped at your op due to her being uncomfortable around you as you go on internet forums and claim you are both genders?

Iocanepowder · 07/01/2026 08:47

SunnyKoala · 07/01/2026 06:41

Totally fine to ring a doorbell. Totally weird to ring from as car except perhaps if too early (8am on a weekday doesn't seem that way to me).

I find people that ring from a car so impolite. Like you are at their beck and call and possibly a scary individual so they can't come up to your threshold. I've had a couple of people do that with things I've been selling or giving away and it feels as though they both don't trust me and want a delivery service.

And don't get me started on people who don't answer the door when they are at home!

Such trivial things but they add to making society feel more hostile and individualistic.

To the original poster....on it's own and if everything else was good it seems like she's rude and unpleasant as some people just are. Only you will know if there are underlying things that might make her hostile.

Why is ringing from the car impolite if you are giving someone a lift?

When I meet my friend for dinner in town, i pick her up on the way. I text her to let her know i’m outside and then she comes out when she is ready. What is the problem here?

Goditsmemargaret · 07/01/2026 08:36

I would have expected you to text but thought it was actually very mannerly that you walked to the door.

You did nothing wrong.

Her reaction was related to something else entirely. She's either just rude AF or else there is something unpleasant going on in her house and she is desperate for privacy. I feel sorry if it's the latter but it's not your problem at all.

Forget about her.

ExpectZeroContext · 07/01/2026 08:36

She sounds demented. Can you imagine working with such a clown?
Dodged a bullet there, mate.

runningonberocca · 07/01/2026 08:33

Nevs · 07/01/2026 00:20

I’m surprised more people aren’t reading into this. She’s quit her job shortly after travelling on a works trip with him and now appears to not have any tolerance towards him at all. Yes her reaction sounds a bit extreme but surely there’s a reason behind this reaction. Everyone is taking this one incident alone at face value and calling her crazy.

OP she specifically texted you telling you that she would bring the goods to your car. She will have reasons for this and you chose to ignore them and step on her parents property. Regardless of whether he was doing her a favour or not doesn’t give him the right to ignore he wishes and approach her family home.

I’m guessing you may have form for either ignoring her, being overbearing, or over stepping boundaries, and this was the final straw.

Edited
Show quote history

She did not have to accept the lift to the other city - she could have just made her own way there but she chose not to. And then despite her unhappiness at someone ringing her doorbell ( which again to me seems a completely normal thing to do) she again accepted his help but transport her work equipment back to the office.

Stop making the OP out to be some kind of intrusive predator. This woman may have had valid issues re her parents home but frankly that’s not the OPs problem. He was helpful. She was rude. It’s probably best all round that she left the company

Rosscameasdoody · 07/01/2026 08:33

Nevs · 06/01/2026 23:15

She sounds highly irritated by you. Why did she hand her notice in after a just few weeks? Could you have annoyed her?

OP clearly said she decided the role wasn’t right for her.

MangaKanga · 07/01/2026 08:32

FrightfulNightfull · 07/01/2026 08:26

OP why are you female on your other threads and male on this one?

Because it's a male getting off on the fantasy scenarios he posts.

chunkyBoo · 07/01/2026 08:27

She’s the problem here IMO

FrightfulNightfull · 07/01/2026 08:26

OP why are you female on your other threads and male on this one?

Christmaseree · 07/01/2026 08:22

I don’t get why you arrived early and rang the doorbell in the first place.

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:21

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 08:16

Best they remove the doorbell altogether then if it causes so much angst. If this thread is even genuine considering OP is a man here and a woman on a previous thread.

Show quote history

Perhaps this is a reverse and OP is the woman. In which case, ironically enough, all the people who think they are attacking him are actually validating her.

whattheysay · 07/01/2026 08:20

Nevs · 06/01/2026 23:15

She sounds highly irritated by you. Why did she hand her notice in after a just few weeks? Could you have annoyed her?

Yeah she quit her job because he rang her doorbell 🙄

topcat2014 · 07/01/2026 08:19

What a dysfunctional person. When did not ringing doorbells become a thing? You have dodged a large bullet here. Don't give it another thought

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:17

Fluffy24 · 07/01/2026 07:30

He didn't just ring the doorbell. He arrived earlier than agreed and proceeded to ring the doorbell. It says "twice" so what, rang once and no reply so rang again? What if she was still drying her hair, or in the loo, or doing something else that she couldn't or didn't want to interrupt to go to the door. And then what, she'd open the door and OP sounds like he'd have expected to wait in her [parents] house or something.

From a peer that would be irritating, but from a senior colleague where you add a power imbalance into the mix, I can see why she didn't stay long.

He was doing her a favour. If someone is giving me a lift, I wouldn't contemplate leaving it to the last moment to dry my hair or whatever, I would make sure I was completely ready at least 5 minutes before the agreed pick-up time.

And it really would be weird to bear such a grudge about a colleague ringing a doorbell on one occasion that you would leave the job for that reason alone.

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 08:16

Bobiverse · 07/01/2026 07:50

Why would you even ring the doorbell? She gave you her number and it’s pretty standard to text when you’re outside, not ring the doorbell. I’d be annoyed about that too if I’d told you I was staying with my parents and gave you my number for the morning. Maybe it’s a generation thing? But we wouldn’t ring the doorbell; we’d text.

The second time, she specifically told you to wait in the car and then she caught you right at the door and probably thought you were coming to ring the doorbell again, or that you were trying to hurry her a long because you text and then still went up to the door… why?

It’s intrusive when you’ve been told not to.

Best they remove the doorbell altogether then if it causes so much angst. If this thread is even genuine considering OP is a man here and a woman on a previous thread.

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 08:14

EasternEcho · 07/01/2026 07:44

OP, you haven't addressed the fact that in your previous threads you were a woman, and now you are a man?

New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time | Mumsnet

Edited

Hmmm.

Op, what gives re this?

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 08:12

She sounds odd but maybe her parents are hoarders and she’s terrified of an outsider seeing it. There seems to be some stress and anxiety around anyone seeing either the inside of the house or her parents.

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:11

Bobiverse · 07/01/2026 07:50

Why would you even ring the doorbell? She gave you her number and it’s pretty standard to text when you’re outside, not ring the doorbell. I’d be annoyed about that too if I’d told you I was staying with my parents and gave you my number for the morning. Maybe it’s a generation thing? But we wouldn’t ring the doorbell; we’d text.

The second time, she specifically told you to wait in the car and then she caught you right at the door and probably thought you were coming to ring the doorbell again, or that you were trying to hurry her a long because you text and then still went up to the door… why?

It’s intrusive when you’ve been told not to.

It really isn't standard to text instead of ringing doorbells. People have doorbells for a reason. It's perfectly sensible to use them at 8 am.

nomas · 07/01/2026 08:11

I voted YABU.

She told you she was staying with her parents and gave you her number.

So why would you ring the doorbell at 8am?! Her parents could be retired or ill or anxious about strangers. Just call her!

Also, she told you she would bring the equipment to the car, you should have respected that. A manager has to have sensitivity.

Would you have ignored her instructions if she were a man?

bigboykitty · 07/01/2026 08:11

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:06

How is that made up? It's perfectly obvious that the woman could have said this.

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Thank you for confirming that you made it up.

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:07

GlassofRosePorfavor · 07/01/2026 07:58

Thoughts? I'll tell you my thoughts - stop asking for thoughts on a non issue

Why did you comment if it's such a non-issue?

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:06

bigboykitty · 07/01/2026 08:02

You have literally made up this scenario. You have no idea if that happened.

Show quote history

How is that made up? It's perfectly obvious that the woman could have said this.

bigboykitty · 07/01/2026 08:06

ScullyD · 07/01/2026 01:39

Sorry but people saying it was fine for him to ring the door at 8am, it really wasn’t good etiquette at all. No doubt she didn’t want her parents woken.

also totally normal for OP to pick up her equipment or failing that opt for courier. She doesn’t drive and therefore it likely isn’t easy to drop off herself. Really can’t comment accurately otherwise without knowing full context but clearly the job isn’t match her expectations.

Edited

What makes you think she doesn't drive?

Fulmine · 07/01/2026 08:04

MangaKanga · 07/01/2026 02:34

But thinking it over, I have never had a situation where a male from work drove to my home, or any of my family's homes, let alone rang the doorbell. If you were early, ringing the doorbell is poor anyway- and you knew it wasnt her flat she lived alone in. You may be disturbing someone sick, waking a baby, stopping someone from falling asleep after a night-shift, annoying the family dog, forcing a creaky old arthritic lady to come down the stairs to answer the door. You may also be exacerbating a DV or coercive control situation. You just don't know and you know what? It's none of your business. You shouldn't be knocking on her door.

It's just annoying, irritating, invasive.

Goodness. My first job after going back to work after DS1 was born, public transport just wasn't practical; I intended to take refresher driving lessons and buy a car, but it couldn't happen immediately. My immediate (male) manager lived fairly near me and gave me a lift every morning till I got the car, and (gasp) rang the bell every day. And all that time I didn't know he was being irritating and invasive. What a bastard.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/01/2026 08:02

purplecorkheart · 06/01/2026 22:44

To be fair to her she was probably worried about you waking her parents. A bit odd that you rang the doorbell rather than calling her/text

The second time I am wondering why you left the car when she clearly told you to stay in the car and she would drop them to. You overrode her request and entered her parents property when she told you not to. What was your logic?

FFS - wrong to ring a doorbell, wrong to "enter her parents' property". Both of these actions were entirely normal and the second to save her having to carry stuff to his car. What is this weird code where no one interacts other than via mobile phone messaging?