To not understand how people have an evening.

So I spent the rest of the evening hanging out in the kitchen with dd12 who decided she wanted to make Brookies…we had laughs and chats. Baked and cleaned. DS10 came in for a while too. They had a yogurt/fruit snack and then he watched some tv with DP. All in bed now. Night night all. I know when they are younger the evenings are not completely yours but it will change. I would give anything to have a moment with mine as cute little toddlers again 🥹 with their fluffy hair and tiny hands. How blessed we all are to have our wonderful children ❤️

9.43 and kitchen still to tidy. Sigh.
I did just go out for a nice walk though so…….

45 minutes to eat dinner

Hours of sleep I can only dream off :)

I manage very well on 5 hours sleep - often less

Why do you have crockery in use that cant go in the dishwasher?

I only have a slimline dishwasher, so pots and pans dont go in - they are washed as I go. Last night it was a steak dinner so the only pan waiting to be washed by hand after dinner was the griddle and an air fryer drawer. Wipe down the work tops , hob and table - 5 - 10 mins

I work, kids are grown now and we have grandkids, but we always had butts on chairs at 7:30 pm to have the evening to relax. Id pop into the kitchen before bed to see if the dishwasher was full enough to switch on or stick the washing machine on , maybe sweep the floor but seriously, stop putting pressure on yourself . Pick easy 1 or 2 pot meals to cook, take daily dessert out of the equation and sort the washing more sensibly so you dont have to have a wash on every day . I might have hot whites sat in the basket 3 weeks till I have a full load of those, same as a gentle wash

One thing I have learned is - keep the decks clear.

Dont be having piles of shoes, bags and toys on the floor - doubles vacuuming time

Dont have a load of appliances that you dont use daily on the work tops

And keep the wardrobes and drawers only filled with what you actually wear

Keeping the " decks clear' keeps everything so managable

They are older 😂

And all very happy, competent young people.

I was a child in the 80s/90s and back then parents didn’t do any of this kind of drudgery. I’m now a very capable and resilient adult with lots of practical skills and I thank them for not mollycoddling me.

Children have to take risks, problem solve and, within reason, fend for themselves - it’s a vital part of growing up.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that there are so many threads by parents exhausted and burnt out?

Well I have listened to the advice on here and tried to be more efficient, kitchen all sorted but I’m still up with my 7 year old who is upset about some school stuff! Then my 10 year old will want a bit of a chat and story before he goes to bed ! I wanted to watch the traitors tonight, don’t think that is going to happen now.

We have a 10 yo. We do family dinner before he goes to bed, cleaned up and dishwasher on before bedtime or by the adult not doing bedtime story. Then after bedtime storys (before 8.30 weekdays, later on weekends) we can chill with tv plus cuppa or glass of wine.

I do laundry first thing (1 hr wash) - put the wash on as soon as i wake, potter about making breakfast, drinking tea, making beds, get dressed, hang washing up before i go to work. 10 yo pretty independent in the morn.

I have a rule that I will not start cooking until the dishwasher is empty, then all used pots / trays go straight in as you cook and then finally the plates and cutlery after you’ve eaten - takes seconds.

But more broadly I think cooking from scratch every day and sitting at the table - for 2 courses - is not what most families are doing. Certainly not the kind of cooking from scratch that needs a recipe book. It’s all a while ago for me now but I don’t think I ever did more than 30 mins cooking on week nights - recipes (and for that matter, hoovers) are for weekends!

Without sounding patronising, sorry if I do, enjoy this stage. No one warns you that mid primary onwards they might have clubs and will start staying up later. My 11 year old can’t get to sleep before 9:30/10:00!

Exactly - it was sunny from March to September in our area of the SW last year (yes its not always like that). It would have been completely ridiculous to use a tumble dryer. There was another post this week about washing and as most said, you can get it dry even when its -2 outside if its bright and breezy. 5 mins in the tumble dryer if necessary.

Your titting around is other people’s wish to not replace a perfectly good washing machine nor spend on drying when it’s easy enough to hang out.

I don’t have children yet (am pregnant currently) but I am worried about this when I go back to work purely because my husband and I have busy, stressful jobs. Something will be giving, as I currently get home from work / finish earliest 7pm most nights and am knackered so rarely get into bed post 9.30 and am up again at 6:30. I do a lot of batch cooking / meal prep at weekends to save time on lunch and onerous dinner prep.

We normally sit down for an hour or so at night together but my house standards are pretty low.

I totally get it though - we’re often not home from work until 6 then it’s a manic couple of hours of homework, cooking, eating dinner and bedtime then washing up and a bit of a tidy up / packing bags for morning etc before sitting down at about 9. We get up at 6:30 (have to leave the house at 7:30 for school run) so only get an hour of down time before our bedtime routine starts if we don’t want to be completely shattered.

We both work full time so we leave all laundry to the weekend. Dinner is usually slow cooker or something quick in the week and we eat as early as possible. Homework is done before dinner and usually while I’m cooking. Dishwasher is put on overnight and emptied first thing while feeding the dog and eating breakfast. Dog is walked before the school run and going to work. Packed lunches are made by my kids and have been since they were 6yo. All cleaning is done at the weekend, although sometimes I do the bathrooms before I go to bed, but most of the time we sit down usually from
about 8pm otherwise we would burn out. My suggestion would be to give everyone a job in the evening to help reduce the workload.

Filling the dishwasher at 5? You do have to adjust pots to fit everything in. Yes they could pop a simple plate or cup in at 5 but realistically they are not properly filling a dishwasher at 5 and putting it on 😂 After dinner, we do the dishwasher, wash things that cant or wont fit in there, wipe down all the sides, hob, wipe down the table, hoover kitchen/diner. I would rather my 8 or 12 year old be getting on with homework/having a shower etc (or doing whatever any family does after dinner) than doing the clear up. Me or DH are happy to do that. Im not against kids helping with little jobs but an 8 year old is not going to do a proper kitchen clear up.

I hope you don't live to regret those words.

My kids thrived on a bit of neglect

Cool. Ask them about that when they get older.

Do your DC have to do the chores daily?
If they're tired after homework and dinner then surely they should go to bed earlier? Catch up on chores over the weekend?

My experience is very similar to yours OP but ours is more because of clubs. But we’re all home from 6 from work then one child will need taking to a club at least. A meal happens between 6-8pm somehow and then we’ve at least a washing load to get through, clean kitchen up, make lunches and get kids to bed. We’ve 3 kids between 9-13. We also do jobs in the am but they just generate a lot of mess! I pass out at 9:30 by the time they’re all in bed as I’m up at 5:30 and need sleep. Husband does get an hour to himself if he’s lucky. But we don’t really see each other much in the week beyond jobs. I’m sure it’ll get easier at some point

Put everything in the dishwasher. All my roasting tins etc go in the dishwasher. I have been doing this for 40 rears. Get a bit of kitchen towel and wipe of most of the grease first. Get some new plates to use. Don’t buy things that don’t go in the dishwasher.

Cooking is taking up too much of your time, batch cook and freeze there are loads and loads of batch cooking pages and recipes on TikTok
Get a robot vac, we have one that vacuums and mops I don’t need to hoover the downstairs very often now I just do the stairs and upstairs.

It takes 5 minutes or less to unload the dishwasher, I timed it once while something was in the microwave so you could do that when you get home then load the dinner dishes.

No-one has been home all day there cannot be enough dishes for a full load after one dinner so it doesn’t need to go in again until the next day surely?

Washing goes on as soon as you get home then it’s ready to hang out or go in the dryer after dinner. Bring it down in the morning and dump it next to the machine so it’s ready.

Make the lunches when dinner is cooking, whoever is cooking if the other one is busy. Or do the washing up then.

Sometimes though you just have to sit down and have an evening even if pots aren’t washed.

How are you all getting your primary aged children to empty the dishwasher? My admittedly short 10 year old still can’t reach half the cupboards, even with a step.

Get a cleaner. Batch cook. Get the kids to do chores. There are two adults doing things as well. Which helps.

I was a single parent, doing a professional doctorate when my child was that age. It was basically working /attending uni for full time hours over 5 days, with a commute, plus having to write up my thesis outside of work time, and I felt like I had down time.

Super sucks that for most of us, the cost of living is now so high that both parents have to work all hours. Jobs market in many fields is a nightmare for applicants at the moment too.