To not understand how people have an evening.

I only have a 3 year old but once she’s in bed I am done for the day. Without my evenings I would go mad. Do everything else you need to whilst they are still up. Make them help.

Yes i agree and I live abroad, we wouldnt have been able to enjoy life if we had stayed, even without a family. Everything just mounts up so much. I guess thats the point, it feels like there's less fun and frivolity, fewer holidays and constant costs. Im sorry that the support services are so dire, its not fair. Children shouldn't be victims of the shitty politics and rationing and it impacts on everyone. I hope it improves 🌻

@Redpeach

People are supposed to exercise every day.

What were you doing while dh was cooking dinner?

@Outside9

because you’re the mother and they are the children! Children! They didn’t ask to be born. It shouldn’t stop when they turn 18 either, you don’t magically stop being a parent when they turn 18

Laundry most nights, probably not every single night to be fair - I have teens and they’re smelly! I’m responsible for admin for the kids, myself/house and my elderly parents so I try to do a small chunk on each weeknight and have a bit more time off it at the weekend. I have to do pilates almost every day or I risk my back going, which would mean everything grinds to a halt and I struggle to earn money (I’m self-employed). So it’s better to put the time in to prevent it happening in the first place. I do like a tidy house too so that affects it as well.

At those ages my children would be helping with the majority of tidying and cleaning.

I don't understand the martyrdom approach of doing everything until kids turn 16-18.

It seems to me from reading all the OPs posts that they are basically a family of slow faffers . We have a sizeable 4 bed detached , have a cordless vacuum on each floor and I can easily vacuum the whole place in 15 minutes , and that is taking my time . Either the OPs house is filthy or she is just too slow . Frankly OP you need to do the bare minimum in the evenings and vacuum / do the bulk of the washing at the weekend when you have more time and speed up on the washing up .

I do have other things to wash that don't go in the dishwasher but it's like, two pans and it's takes five minutes. I don't think a single dishwasher load has ever taken us more than fifteen minutes to load and wash up, and at the higher end would be when I did Christmas dinner for eight people.

You do laundry, admin and pilates every night?

Same here. I’m the only adult with the kids which makes a difference, but most of my friends say the same. By the time I’ve finished work, seen to the pets, cooked dinner (almost always cook from scratch), watched a bit of tv with the kids, read story, helped with homework, tidied up, cleared up the kitchen and washed up, done some admin, hung out a load of washing, folded up the dry washing and put it away, done some personal admin and done the Pilates that I have to do each day to stop my back from packing in, it’s bedtime. I rarely sit down to watch tv during the week (though I do watch a bit with the kids after dinner).

10 years ago for me now but this was our routine ; Kids and me through the door at 5pm, either feed DC imeadiately then home work at Kitchen table while I cooked adult dinner or quick snack then the same, all sat down to eat at 7pm done by 7:30 - DC go up and get ready while adults clear table and set dishwasher going. DC2 (8) in bed for story and cuddle for lights out 8pm, then both adults can chill 12yo gives up phone @ 9pm. All up at 6 mind you lunches made in the morning.

exactly this! A class booked at 8pm, meaning you say 'no matter what, I'm leaving the house at 7:30pm. Any jobs not done can wait til tomorrow' can work wonders, even if it means the washing up doesn't get done til the next evening! Or the Hoovering is just a quick push round, not a do all the edges with the little tools!

It's a good idea to get out of the house. I could tidy forever, but I started running last year and I feel like 30 minutes on the treadmill or outside where I cannot do chores and get to listen to a podcast makes me feel so much more in control of my life.

We also have cinema passes so DH and I take turns and then discuss the film!

Same - by the time we’ve done homework, dinner, cleared up, hoovered, washed anything that needs to be washed up, folded washing, ironing, sorted everything for the next day, shower or bath, i’d be sitting down to watch tv about 10.30 so i’d rather go to bed! And im lucky enough to have a day off in the week (do housework the whole day as i’d rather clean the house whilst the kids are at school than spend most of the weekend doing it).

We do make sure we do lots of nice things at the weekend so im not too bothered about losing my evenings in the week to jobs as i’d rather have quality family time at the weekend (obviously still have to do lots of washing etc!). If working families are not doing jobs in the evening (and dont have cleaners as the majority dont), I can only imagine they are spending the weekend catching up.

Would it be possible for you to prioritise some time for yourself? Perhaps for an out-of-the-house hobby one or two evenings? Or at least something which you do rather than just watching TV (which often falls into the 'I didn't do anything' camp, versus say painting or embroidery or practicing an instrument).

It sounds, to me, like you do have time, you're just filling it with little, unsatisfying jobs which could be done differently, or at different time. Prepping lunches, sorting the dishwasher and doing washing are all jobs that the entire family could be chipping in with (probably a bit earlier in the evening). Could lunches be prepped whilst dinner is cooking? Could one child collect and sort the washing, and put it into the machine so you're just got to do the settings, whilst the other does the dishwasher, before they start getting ready for bed? Could you commit to one day a week being an easy freezer dinner, and then you get some time for some family time instead of cooking and washing up? If you WFH, could the washing be sorted into loads the evening before, by the kids, and then whilst getting tea, lunch etc you can swap it over?
It's so easy to get caught in the monotony of the everyday that we forget to look for ways to make things easier for ourselves sometimes!

What are your work hours to enable you to eat at 5pm?

Crazy to say you "earn a fortune" but that dont see any benefit from it in terms of fun or life outside of work?! Madness

I thought this and also what has got so messy in their rooms when they've been at school all day?!
Mine get up, get washed and dressed, come down for breakfast, I do the younger ones hair and she watches tv for like 10 mins before we leave.
My eldest goes back up to her room to do her "skin care" 😂🙈 and even then her room is still tidy...
If they are playing at night and making a mess they should tidy up before bed 🤷‍♀️

I know,you tagged me incorrectly 😂

I don’t do any of that and am always happy with the results, if I did want to then the cooker I have which was just the Asda George branded one has a hob safe metal pan so I could braise everything in that then move it to the slow cooker to finish off.

I think I'm just going to have to accept we are both slow faffy people 😅

Ive just read all of your posts OP and I do think it’s mainly this ⬆️

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person

Unloading & loading the dishwasher takes me about 5 minutes 😳 about 2 minutes to throw in a load of washing.

And I very rarely hand wash pots - that’s bonkers if you have a dishwasher. Buy crockery and pans you can put in the dishwasher - why are you using Handpainted plates? Tbh I stick everything in there anyway - I don’t even check if it’s dishwasher safe!

It sounds like you all waste a lot of time.

We usually try to eat a sofa dinner together while watching an hour of a drama series usually 7-8pm youngest DC goes to bed before this, older afterwards. As I cook, he cleans up. I then faff about prepping lunches/uniform/work clothes and try to get some downtime in my room before bed reading etc.

I have 2 kids and in my own. We eat at 5pm, I tidy kitchen whilst they get ready for clubs. Their clubs tend to alternate nights so child who is club free does homework whilst other in class. Home around 730, quick tidy whilst they get ready for bed. 8-830 is story and cuddles with youngest and 830-915 is time with oldest. I relax 930-1030

Life’s what you make it. OP is choosing not to have an evening as far as I’m concerned.