To not understand how people have an evening.

Well most people still like to eat breakfast/shower etc in the mornings before starting work!

If you wfh and don't start until 9am you could roll out of bed at 08:30. So in theory you could stay up till 1am and still get 7.5 hours sleep. And of course all your laundry gets done in the day (along with gym/shopping/housework for some!).

Average adult needs 7-8 hours per the NHS and that's 7.5. it's a hell of a lot more than I got when I had a baby/toddler.

What time do you go to bed?

You must faff, it would take me a lot less time to do what you have said. I vacuumed downstairs, emptied and filled the dishwasher, washed and hung up a load of laundry and gave the bathroom a quick clean in about an hour.

Maybe outsource and get a cleaner? Meal planning and batch cooking will help. We eat meals from scratch, rarely on the same day after work.

Tbh I am sick of my regular meals and am looking to expand this beyond pasta sauce, cottage pie, curry, stew, braised steak. If we have mashed potatoes, we do the whole bag and have it twice that week. Also tray bakes are time savers. You can prepare one for the next day making dinner for that night.

That isn't loads of sleep. For you maybe.

I clean up in the day, get the kids to bed and asleep and then I spend the evening playing a game with my partner, im usually asleep 10/11pm.

I batch cook cottage pie, lasagne, chilli, chicken thighs in various sauces, sausage casserole, and curry. I serve this with baked potatoes, pasta rice etc. plus veg. I think I would stop cooking from scratch in the week, cook easier/frozen meals and only use things that can go in the dishwasher. Also what is wrong with a baked potato and beans, sausages if needed.

I totally get what you mean OP. Our kids are 9 and 4. I put 4yr old to bed and he’s usually asleep before 8pm. That then gives me time to feed/walk pets and then start prepping for the following day’s work before having a shower and going to bed. 9 yr old is ND and takes a long time to fall asleep so my DH is usually with him until about 9:00/9:30. He’s usually worn out after that and has a shower and goes to bed!! We haven’t had an evening in front of the TV since the eldest was a baby!!

When I was working full time as a single mum I used the Organised Mum method. Found it really helped, kept me focused but also meant I had weekends free and it's very focused on not spending too long on stuff but also keeping on top of things so you don't h e to think too much x

I was going to, but something tells me you’re not prepared to listen. Call it a hunch.

1 person does bedtime, one person does kitchen, kids do their own lunch. Laundry on timer overnight then hung in the morning. Tidy kitchen/wash up as you go when making dinner! Someone might need to take the dog out for a bit but other than that once our younger ones are in bed about 9ish we’re pretty free. Oldest is left to their own devices and likes to read/potter in their room. We might watch a bit of tv with kids after dinner/before bed, and kids do clubs but now they are getting older they can walk to some stuff. Also utilise lift shares!

I suggest you stop cleaning every day. No house needs vacuuming or mopping every day. Stop having desert every day. Eat dinner earlier. Buy more dishwasher safe stuff so it can all go in. Soak pans and stick them in the dishwasher too or only wash them. Open the dishwasher as soon as it’s done and remove or shake out the wet stuff while it’s still hot, then the rest will be dry in a few minutes and ready to put away easily.

Absolutely 😂

I get you, I have fairly high house standards too… if the house is a mess I feel stressed and miserable. I’d rather not feel that way, it’s just the way I was built. I’m sure life would be much easier if I had lower standards!
The OP is definitely wasting time somewhere though. I have 3 children with lots of hobbies. work over double the hours the OP does and still manage to have a couple of hours in the evening to chill before bed!

I'm the same OP. We often don't have dinner till 7 due to kids activities/work. By the time they've finished faffing, got them up to bed and read to them and got them to sleep it's often after 9. We both do bedtime as we have three children so two need reading to. I then lay with the eldest and read to him as he still likes a story even though he can read to himself and I like that time with him.
I'm often not down till 9.30/10. The bags need sorting, the washing up/kitchen is a mess. General mess everywhere. We rarely sit down together until 10.30. we do stay up till midnight but then I'm tired in the morning. I tend to sacrifice sleep for some down time late in the evening.

Most people don’t finish work at 4 or 5pm 🤷🏻‍♀️

I rarely get home until gone 7:30pm or later. I have to do all the things you do but starting later, is it that hard to understand?

That's true - I didn't do a great job of reading the OP!

I think I'm a bit sensitive on this topic because my DH and DC are forever getting at me for my "high standards."

As a mother of a 4 year old I’m the same and do agree with you. But I also see how my evenings are world’s apart from my friend with 3 children aged 4, 8, and 11. She has triple the work and her older two go to various clubs and have homework, whereas I just pop mine in bed at 7:30 and relax.

However, spending hours upon hours hoovering and emptying dishwashers is bonkers no matter how many kids you have. These chores just don’t take that long.

I think the reason people are telling the OP that she’s slow and inefficient is because she said it took her an hour to hoover a 3 bed house!

My parenting style is building independence and self-sufficiency into my children as early as possible. That's parenting, not abandoning parental duties.

Relaxing with kids and/or partner is higher on my list of priorities than a pristine house

I know the OP hasn't mentioned having (or wanting a show home) - it's just every time these type of posts come up, posters pile on about there being no need to spend time cleaning, ironing, cooking, chores, etc. And that if you do this, you are wasting your life or not focusing on the right things.

I was trying to be supportive of the OP by saying that she isn't alone in not having much free time of an evening - and to try and not worry that everyone is saying she should have so much more free time than she does.

I think there a lot of different factors that need to be taken into account when determining the level of free time one "should" have. Number and personality of children, how many extracurricular activities they do, what her and her partner's job is, commuting times, animals, dietary needs, house size/type, medical issues, wider family commitments, etc.

I am incredibly organised and efficient but have little time of an evening. I also have an intense job working out-of-hours which requires me to undergo revalidation and continuing education (as does my DH), children who have extracurricular sports four nights a week, who generate large amounts of laundry from the sports, a dyslexic child, several serious illnesses in the family and I really like a clean, tidy house, aim to have homemade dinners 5 nights a week and want the clothes to be ironed.

I've spent a lot of time over the years thinking I'm doing things "wrong" or just slow and inefficient because people have more free time than me. I'm not - I just have a lot going on and choose to prioritize different things.

I use the slow cooker a couple of times a week usually. Frozen ready prepped ingredients are healthy and really convenient. Plus healthier often as the goodness is kept by freezing.

So for example for beef casserole I'd bung in fresh diced beef, but with frozen casserole veg (the one i use has stuff like sliced carrot, onion, swede etc). Add tinned tomatoes and some flavourings (herbs, stock cube). Stir and job done. Takes 2 mins max.

I use a lot of frozen base mix (chopped onion, carrot and celery), frozen onion, frozen chopped peppers, frozen garlic and ginger, frozen herbs etc. Although I'm not keen on some frozen ingredients e.g. brocolli and cauliflower.