To not understand how people have an evening.

2 kids, 2 adults and there is not a single day I dont have a pile of washing (im not talking washing uneccessary things like cushion covers either). Uniform for the kids, uniform for myself, we always wash tops daily (try and get a few days out of trousers if still clean), bedding changed every two weeks for the kids, weekly for us, towels, tea towels - I have a full washing basket every day.

I’d need to do 7 loads on a Saturday if I saved it for the weekend and i’d rather enjoy quality family time at the weekend. I hang mine out every day too (when dry), use tumble dryer absolutely minimum aswell.

You said you haven’t had an evening since your children were born, so it looks like even when you were working 15 hours a week you were still saving everything up to be done at night?

Why were the evenings not better when you worked 15 hours a week? I can't imagine doing anything in the evening if I was working that much. Everything would be done in the day and the only thing needed would be dinner and cleaning up afterwards, so 30 mins of chores max.

We’ve just had dinner (spag bol). DH finished first and started loading dishwasher. He’s now taken kids upstairs to play for a bit and I’m going to do 20 min or so reset: clean surfaces, declutter, program a wash and dry, and set robo hoover off. And that’s pretty much it for tonight re: chores.

We don't do non-meal-related housework on week days. One of us cooks, the dc and/or the other of us loads the dishwasher and washes up the other stuff. It takes an absolute maximum of 20 mins. I might put a wash on, and then tumble dry it, but that takes minutes. I put the dried washing in the spare room and put it away at the weekend. We tidy, hoover and mop at the weekend (dividing the tasks between us and teen dc).

We often play a game or watch an episode of something at 8:30 or 9pm. When we don't, it's either because I've brought work home (teacher) or ds has lots of homework or revision to do.

The guided cleans on TOM are a great benchmark of how much is possible in a short time! I used to use them quite religiously.

Another vote for The Organised Method.
I use the "guided cleans" which for a small subscription talk you through timed cleaning jobs. They've really trained me at reducing the faffery and making things more efficient.

I'm out 7:35- 4:30. My walk/ cycle to/ from work doubles as my exercise for most days. My feet are knackered when I get in from standing all day which puts me off chores, so I normally sit for an hour-90 mins before mum-taxi service starts. We eat late after taxi time, but I tend to have a bank of partially cooked food in the freezer that needs reheating with a sauce and carbs.

The (ND) 12/ 15 yos do the dishwasher; slower than doing it manually but it's part of their contribution to family life. Dinner stuff is loaded in, breakfast stuff added and it runs on a timer in the middle of the day (optimal solar)
If it can't go in the dishwasher, it doesn't deserve a regular use in my life. The knives say that they aren't and while a top chef wouldn't love them, they still cut better than average after a decade of abuse. Wooden spoons etc can be replaced, but I still get years out of them.

Use a stick hoover. It doesn't need a thorough corner to corner job often if you keep on top of the thoroughfares little and often. Much better than pissing around with cords and dragging a wired one around. Plus I have to return it to its mount to charge.

CBA with packed lunches; school dinners for me and the DCs.

I just need the house to stay functional in the week and can catch up at weekends. I get a fairly balanced time of relaxation, doing fun things and keeping the house functioning (fairly basic standards) and am naturally faffy and messy.

My awkward bit is ND night owl teenagers who go chatty or need homework help after 9pm when they've had their quiet zone-out time to recover to functional human level. Battling them to do it earlier would be a pointless exercise in misery and inefficiency (I can't complain too hard when my urgency mode didn't kick in until 6am the day it was due in)

Cooking from scratch doesn't mean that every meal has to be so complicated that both the OP and her DH struggle to follow a recipe and are unable to wash as they go.

Cooking from scratch does not mean all meals need to be Michelin-standard with a myriad of pots, pans, etc. It's possible to do straightforward dinners in under 30 minutes and have time to empty the dishwasher and put a load in the washing machine while dinner is cooking.

Spending the whole evening in the kitchen, cooking more complicated meals and cleaning up afterwards is fine for those who enjoy it. But that does not appear to be the case with OP.

Why do you spend so much time washing up when you have a dishwasher? Yes I appreciate not every item can go in but surely it’s the minority?

Also if you only hoover once a week it clearly isn’t using up an hour and a half of every evening?

Here's how I did it
Finish 4pm, hone between 4.30 and 5

Dc already home with DH
They unpack and wash their lunchboxes,and repack immediately for the next day.
Bags, shoes coats hung and ready, ditto sort book bag
DC snack and drink and start homework

Day before
Take down Dec's, hoover and mop
I always either batch cook or cook in advance
All uniform ready for the week plus pe kit etc

So if it was a roast then we have leftovers with fresh veg, plus chicken sandwiches /salad for lunches
Prep traybake -chicken or sausage
One " things on toast" night , usually if there was an activity and would take out a pudding like crumble which would be in the freezer, made in the autumn to bulk it out a bit
NO LAUNDRY
I do laundry on a Friday.pm, hang and then TD the next day.
Its all sorted and done not hanging around or in piles

Sounds like,DC are too tired to eat that late

In essence
DH and,DC do packed lunches and homework
Pre prepped or batch cooked dinner
Dishwasher filled and run after dinner
DH empty before bed
No elaborate pots and pans
No cleaning
Robot vacuum
Empty bins every night

Sat down before 7.30
House is clean and tidy

I mentally chunk my evening into sections (live alone all week with 2 kids 12 &14 for reference). So I dedicate an hour to cleaning up, an hour to washing, or whatever needs doing, etc. Then I ensure that I always sit and do whatever I want for the final hour or 2 before bed and I prioritise this time for my relaxation or fun. What doesn’t get done rolls onto tomorrow, but I don’t miss my time before bed,
that’s how I work it. It helps to skip the news and doom scrolling as that wastes a lot of “free time”.

Have you thought about a robo vacuum? Some have a mop system so that could sort out your kitchen diner. Is there any way you could reduce your clothes washing?

What about getting up 30 mins earlier OP? I find that 30mins of uninterrupted work = 1.5 hours with kids. I put the washing machine on after kids have bathed so that its done by 10pm and put into the tumble drier or on the rack during the night.
In the morning I can get up, empty dishwasher, fold the dry washing and put ironing on the ironing board. Get out lunches, water bottles, and do basic prep for the dinner (check ingredients!) before I go upstairs and get the kids up and ready.

I get this OP. I have a similar issue. I blame cooking from scratch and not having a dishwasher 😅

I do about 4 loads a week for 3 of us but when one of us goes to the gym or has a football match I chuck that kit in on its own on a 20 minute cycle. So I guess it does run daily - but I think it takes about 4 minutes out of my day to throw it in and hang it after!

However I don't wash bedsheets weekly, which helps.

To be fair we do a load pretty much every day - me, adult dd, and 2 ds.
Towels (2 loads)
bed sheets (2 loads)
whites (1 load)
darks (3 loads)
I hate doing laundry at the weekend though. So a load every night means only 1 load at the weekend - plus we don’t have a tumble dryer so it all dries on airers so we have to consider space

And I completely understand where you are coming from. But the op hasn’t said she has anything like the things you have going on. Op literally lists laundry, dishwasher, lunches and dinner. That doesn’t take until 10pm. Plus op has dc who are the right ages to be putting a hand in and helping.

I struggle to motivate myself so I live by my 10 min timers - in 10 mins I can unload the dishwasher and fold up laundry from 2 airers (that the dc will put away themselves) then i have 10 mins ‘off’ if i choose. The next 10 mins I can run the hoover round downstairs or clean the downstairs loo. I still manage have an evening with my dc and to keep a clean and tidy house with home cooked food and help the dc with their homework. All this ‘stuff’ that op is on about really doesn’t take that long.
Why are parents so desperate to be the busiest? It’s inefficiency if you ask me when there are no other factors to be taken into consideration.
It’s 5pm - homemade meatballs and sauce (no jar) cooking - dc homework done. Dc11 has already made his lunch for tomorrow. Ds11 and 15 have stripped their beds (I’ve put the wash on so will finish by 7) they have remade their beds and done their homework. Dinner in an hour so will be cleared up by 7 at which time I will hang the sheets out to dry and put a load to come on in the morning. After dinner dc will load the dishwasher and clear away, I will tidy the kitchen (10 mins max) and then we will chill. Dc15 will do revision for GCSEs and dc11 and I will look forward to traitors. Everywhere clean and tidy and nobody stressed.

What's with the daily laundry, i only do it at the weekend, and thats for all the kids and 2 parents

I don't do any of that. Chuck it all in raw lid on and off out the door until I get home to dish up.

OP we had four children, and we shared the housework.

He always did all the floors and I did all the washing.

I did most of the cooking and he did all of the washing up - by hand. We didn't have a dishwasher.

The younger children including the baby were in bed by 6.45pm.

The older two went to bed between 8pm - 8.30pm.

Once the two younger ones were in bed (I bathed them at 6pm then they had stories and the baby had a breastfeed) DH and I sat down with the other two while they did their homework. Then we watched a bit of telly, then they went up to bed.

I did at least one load of washing every day but it was always finished before the school run.

Last thing at night, DH did the bins and I put the washing up away.
Then we made the lunches for the morning, then we went to bed.

At the weekends we caught up with the cleaning.

I don't understand why you seem to have so little time to relax.

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on.

This shouldn't take 1.5hrs!

Unloading dishwasher shouldn't be more than 5 mins. Putting on a wash is literally a few mins. Surely it doesn't take well over an hour to wash some baking trays etc, especially if some stuff is going in dishwasher?

Oh I know that pain, I’m a lifelong insomniac and also have an autistic child who sleeps 3-4 hours a night and I have to be in the room with him as he’s not safe on his own.
Sadly still have to get up at 6.30am though!

So I get in at 4 with one of the kids. Other comes in at 4:45. Dinner on the table at 5. They sit and eat, I don’t eat at 5. Done by 5:30. Little one has a bath and then does homework, older one does homework till 6:30. In that hour I tidy up the kitchen, load/unload the dishwasher, put away laundry and have uniform out for the next day.
6:30-7 is music practice for the 9 year old. 14 year old has a shower.
Then 7-7:30 is reading time for the 9 year old and lights out. He’s asleep by 8 latest.
If any jobs are left one of us can do it then.
Older one then has 2 hours (7-9) to do his music practice, homework, have some reading time. In his room for 9, lights out 9:30.
From 9 pm onwards everyone is asleep, all jobs done.

We don’t all eat together every day. We leave that for Friday dinner and the weekends. Chores don’t take that long. We run a load of laundry every evening, dry it out in the morning before going to work. Put it away at night. Run another load.

I also batch cook food on weekends etc. Always have a pasta sauce/tomato sauce in the freezer.

Not when you’re a crap sleeper and wake up all the time.