To think being a mother is a constant worry.

I hear you OP. They're a life long worry! I do have to keep myself in check and give myself a good talking to every now and then.
I know I'm less anxious when I'm busy and fulfilled myself. Trying to take a leaf out of dh's book- he's a fab dad but more out if sight out of mind which I think can be healthy!

My dad used to say he couldn’t sleep until he heard us all come through the front door at night if we were due in. I’d say this is a for life thing but I like CherryCookies
questions!!

And then they have children and the worry is magnified… well it is for me anyway. I worry about my grandchildren just as much if not more.

I really would recommend CBT, and also think it's worth trying medication if you're finding it's really affecting your quality of life. I had quite a big breakdown in my late 20s after, in hindsight, years of clinical level anxiety and treatment completely transformed me. That was before I had children but I have worked so hard to ensure my anxiety remains under control since having them - I consider this one of the most important things I do for them, as I know anxiety is highly heritable and it's really important to me that I set a healthy example. I do find that not so much motherhood itself (though I found pregnancy pretty awful for anxiety, especially as I suffered from recurrent miscarriage) but so much of the culture around it has made that harder. There is, I think, a very strong rhetoric (and I think MN is particularly bad for it!) that the more anxious you are the more loving mother you are. I find that can really feed my own disordered thinking if I'm not careful, and I have to remind itself that unhealthy anxiety is essentially selfish/self-absorbed rather than pure love. I find the exercises I learned in CBT incredibly helpful for this and for challenging my thought patterns before they start to spiral.

When you have a worry ask is it realistic? is it urgent? can i do something to avoid it? what can i do about it now?

that’s me as well, mine are in their 40’s with families and 30’s single
I worry far too much about them
More so about the single one as the others have someone in their lives who love them as much as I do if you see what I mean.
I worry about them far more than my parents worried about me

I recommend why has nobody told me this before by dr Julie smith as a book or audiobook for all round mental health tips, it’s helped me with lots of strategies. Also I realised a lot of my worries about my kids were based on my own experiences as a teenager, so I had to work through some painful stuff and learn to separate out the two. The fact you are aware is great, don’t be too hard on yourself x

A lot of what you say is true, but it is also so much fun and joy and excitement etc, I try to hold onto the multitude of positives they bring to balance out the negatives/relentlessness of parenting. Because ultimately I am so glad I get to be a mum.
Eg if I have a worrying intrusive thought I try to flip it eg “she is late home, what if she has been murdered wait what if she is being attacked right now” etc I have learned to stop myself, breathe/exercise/walk around/pray and then just think what is the alternative? That my daughter never leaves the house? Never has friends? Right, so, I’m actually grateful she is out and living her best life, will me worrying right now help in any way? No. Right, so instead I’m going to do xyz positive thing that I CAN control.

Tbh when i think about it I feel like why did I inflict life on them by having them in this horrible world and the worry is constant, I never can switch off or log off. All I can do is help them be strong and look after them..some things are preventable risks or situations you can prepare for so you can do those things but other things are down to luck and for those I tell myself ill worry about it if it happens. It helps me to separate what I can help and what I can't help.

100% yes. Mine are 30-ish now, and left home about a decade ago, and need nothing from me or DH, and are completely independent, (live 15-20 ish miles from us,) and I STILL worry about them.

DD drove back from Brighton yesterday after being there since Friday, and I was worried sick because of the snow. (It's been bad up our end. Roads have been dreadful!) I was on pins from 10am when she left to 4pm when she got home. I said 'message me when you get home safely.' (She did!) I used to go off on one when my mum used to say this to me, like 'duh, I'm not a baby for goodness sake mum!'

Now I see my mum's point of view! You never stop worrying. My DC are nicer, and more tolerant of me than I was of my mum! 😬

I could spiral into a nervous wreck of I allowed myself to worry about all the things in life that could negatively affect my DC. I've worried myself into tears over very unlikely scenarios more than once so every time I start down that path, I consciously decide to end that train of thought. I don't want unnecessary worry to wreck motherhood or unduly affect my DC's lives. I've seen friends go down the ridiculously overprotective route and it's stifling all round.

I feel the same and it’s exhausting. My kids are young teen and young adult. I feel like I need to train myself to not worry because I honestly don’t think that there will ever be a time when both are 100% and I ca relax. So I need to just learn to relax now and let whatever will be will be. When I find out how to chill out I’ll let you know!