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Decision taken from me about dangerous driving

113 replies

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 06/01/2026 20:16

I know how I feel, so I know that’s not unreasonable, but interested in other views.

DD2 was invited to a party and me and a friend agreed to lift share (we take, they bring back).

on the morning she messaged to say party girl’s friend offered to bring them from venue to their house so easier fir friend to pick up from there. No problem.

that night dd2 told me they were 4 in back of ca with only 3 seats. I’m really against this and dd2 knows that so she said she had to have a seatbelt and then 2 shared another seatbelt.

im so angry that this decision was made without checking with me, id never agree to it and would have gone to get her.

there is a reason its illegal.

i suppose I would just never do it and can’t understand how others think it’s ok.

dd2 is 12, no phone and was in a hard position.

in hindsight, I should have checked that there were enough seats (especially as I know my friend has form for doing the same), but it was a last minute change and I didn’t realise that I should even check (I assume people follow the law). Lesson learnt.

how do others feel? Am I particularly uptight (not that I would change my stance).

OP posts:
User0311 · 06/01/2026 20:31

I can’t believe anybody would risk this! I would be fuming. Glad your daughter is home safe! X

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 06/01/2026 20:30

WarmGreyHare · 06/01/2026 20:25

I thought she was going to be a teen! What was the party your 12 year old was going to that the party girls friend was old enough to drive? Did I understand that correctly, that it was a teen driving? Because I wouldn't be ok with that even if there were enough seatbelts

No, the party girl's mums friend (ie an adult). Sorry I obviously didn’t explain well enough x

OP posts:
Iwishicouldflyhigh · 06/01/2026 20:28

tryingtobesogood · 06/01/2026 20:20

This is an absolute no for me, I would not allow my child in a car under those circumstances and have fallen out with people over it. Your child is far too precious to risk in this way.

As for the adult who willingly puts other people's children at risk, I would have some serious words for them.

I decided not to say anything (although I did make it clear to my friend that I wasn’t happy)-fir a few reasons.

but it taught me a lesson. I will always, always check now.

it just makes me feel a bit sick that as parents we can be really safe with our children under our watch and then someone else puts them at risk.

ive spoken to a few people in real life who seem relaxed about (and went a bit pink, so thinking they may have done same).

OP posts:
Nyeaccident · 06/01/2026 20:28

Wow that's outrageous!

YourZippyHare · 06/01/2026 20:27

Not unreasonable at all.

DD was invited on a day out with friends - one friend's parent was going to drive them. It then transpired it was the couple and their daughter, plus DD, plus two others, in a regular car, so same scenario as you describe.

Thankfully they let this slip before the trip went ahead - but I pulled DD out rather than let her travel like that. Which was disappointing for her but I just thought it was too unsafe.

slightlyunimpressed · 06/01/2026 20:26

You are absolutely not unreasonable. There was an awful accident in Oxford where someone was driving with 7 children in the car and lost control. I can’t believe anyone would still think it is a good idea.

WarmGreyHare · 06/01/2026 20:25

I thought she was going to be a teen! What was the party your 12 year old was going to that the party girls friend was old enough to drive? Did I understand that correctly, that it was a teen driving? Because I wouldn't be ok with that even if there were enough seatbelts

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 06/01/2026 20:23

BigFatLiar · 06/01/2026 20:20

So who was driving if she's only 12 are the others a lot older or was one of the mums driving? As you say, it's illegal and dangerous, I'd have been furious. If it was a parent then they should have called you.

It was a friend of the party girls mum-took them from venue to party girl’s house, then my friend picked from there.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 06/01/2026 20:23

I wouldn’t be ok with it.

other parents do all sorts of shit.
probably a good idea not to assume other parents are like you.

ClaredeBear · 06/01/2026 20:22

This isn’t your fault, it’s the responsibility of the driver, not yours. But now you know. I’d be furious.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/01/2026 20:21

I thought you were going to say she was 18 to he honestly, and I’d absolutely fuming at 12

BigFatLiar · 06/01/2026 20:20

So who was driving if she's only 12 are the others a lot older or was one of the mums driving? As you say, it's illegal and dangerous, I'd have been furious. If it was a parent then they should have called you.

tryingtobesogood · 06/01/2026 20:20

This is an absolute no for me, I would not allow my child in a car under those circumstances and have fallen out with people over it. Your child is far too precious to risk in this way.

As for the adult who willingly puts other people's children at risk, I would have some serious words for them.