Decision taken from me about dangerous driving

I don’t condone the actions of the driver at all, I find it staggering that you haven’t spoken to or messaged the actual driver but that aside, move on from this, it was a couple of weeks ago and everyone is safe. Don’t think about what could’ve happened because it didn’t. Your daughter is safe.

I was a passenger in a car crash where a six year old relative died because they weren’t wearing a seatbelt. One minute he was alive and part of a loving family, in 30 seconds he was gone, just a tragic memory. His poor parents have never gotten over it. It didn’t need to happen.
I would be absolutely livid if this was my child, I would never trust those people again. Everyone thinks it will never happen to them. It takes seconds for a life to be gone.

It genuinely baffles me that people would risk their own child's safety, let alone some else's.

YADNBU.

Oxford Mail court report ...you were saying OPs situation wasn't similar...I am simply challenging that (with evidence)

She had 7 children some in the boot. This isn’t a comparable situation to one extra child and one unbelted. Don’t pretend it is similar.

i won’t go into details but let’s just say the aftermath wouldn’t be anywhere near as traumatising. That was a once in a lifetime accident for most to attend.

it’s just being googled for gossip unnecessarily and even if the worst happened go your daughter it wouldn’t have looked like that accident. Ok?

https://etsc.eu/half-of-killed-young-car-passengers-in-the-uk-were-unbelted/

Yes the court reports say 5 squeezed in the back without seatbelts...switching between there and the boot..witnesses observed the children being boisterous sitting too many in the rear seats ..sometimes kneeling facing the boot. It is exactly the concern OP raises too many passengers and not wearing seatbelts

We used to pile into cars and a couple were always in the boot 😂

Well… it doesn’t. Have you read what you posted?

I'm amazed people are so laid back about this. I'd be tempted to report it to the police - because, if I didn't, and she killed someone else's child doing this in the future, I'd feel culpable. And because she was criminally negligent with my child's life and seems unaware of how serious it is.

The reporting seems to disagree with your recollection

Do some people really not know what damage an unrestrained child can do to themselves and others in an accident ?

And to a PP, it doesn’t matter if it’s one mile or 100 miles, 20 MPH or 100 MPH.

I’m amazed that people under the age of maybe 50 actually think this is OK. Older people may have a remnant of ‘we used to do it’ but the seat belt laws have been around for so long now I would have thought they were just automatic to abide by.

It’s taken every ounce of my self control not to ring this man and go ballistic. It terrifies me that - as others have said - we take every measure possible to ensure the safety of our children and someone can undo all of that in an instant. I’m still so angry and upset and it was almost 3 weeks ago.

Bloody hell!

I would be thinking like you, and my DC would never travel in their car again.

Reminds me of the first time my 4 year old in reception went for tea after school at a new school friends house. I had met the mum a few times at the school gate, and we’d chatted, we agreed the day and I went in at school drop off in the morning to drop off the booster seat for them to use on way home, the DDad of the child looked perplexed and said “ we don’t normally use those “ .

I’m glad your DD told you though OP that’s a positive and hopefully gave you chance to have a chat about what she could do if anything similar happens again.

Oh God, this reminds me of the occasion when DS, about 8 at the time, was invited to a birthday party. The party was in the nearest town, about twenty miles away, but we were asked to drop off at their house. I found out later that the birthday child's dad had driven all the kids there and back rattling around loose in the back of his transit van. I was horrified, and absolutely furious. Apparently, the kids all thought it was great fun, being thrown around as the van went round corners. It had never occurred to me that someone could be that lax about children's safety, and I was upset with myself that I'd made an assumption and hadn't thought to check the transport arrangements.

Anyway, I'd be very annoyed too, OP. Good on your DD for insisting on a seat belt. You're right not to let her travel with them again; needless to say, I didn't either.

If she is going to be on situations where she is away from both parents (which I think is normal for 12) then I would want her to have a basic phone. Not a smart phone, literally just one that does calls and texts. If technically possible one that she can only call set numbers on.
But I would want her to have a way of contacting parents.

sorry but as she’s having more freedom and parties will be with new secondary friends etc, perhaps a brick dumb phone to be taken out for situations like this so she can call you/text you what is going on.

I would be livid. I found myself in a not dissimilar situation a few weeks ago. DD (14) was at a party quite some distance away and was offered a lift by a parent. Another parent ended up bringing her back - we have a tracking app and I could see that the driver was driving at 100 mph for some of the journey. I was absolutely petrified as well as furious. What an absolute asshole of a parent to drive like that with any child in the car never mind someone else’s kids. DD has begged me not to say anything so I haven’t but I’ve told her that she’s never being driven by that parent again.

I feel for you OP. The what ifs are horrendous to deal with.