15 weeks pregnant and partner left

I would (and did) continue with the pregnancy in the exact same situation. I have no regrets. It’s been hard, exhausting and lonely at times but the joy they bring to my life made everything worth it. You can do it - don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending you love and support 💐

I bet you he has another woman on the side. What person can leave a pregnant woman during Christmas after being with each other for 12 years… also persuading you to not continue with the pregnancy!

Imagine if you have an abortion and a few months down the line he magically finds a new partner and is having a baby with her.

Please continue with the pregnancy if this is what you want to do. He will need to provide child maintenance for both, which he obviously doesn’t want to do. What an absolute selfish prick… he made you believe all these lies and gone ahead and bought a house together. Now he’s wants to back out of the arrangements… unfortunately having an abortion is not as easy as selling a house. He must be a narcissist devoid of emotion and empathy.

This happened to me 15 years ago with 3 children 12 yr relationship,,,another woman was involved of course .
Take care of yourself op and don't act on anger or hurt .
As hard as it is try to be as rational as you can and always put you and your children 1st .
I know ha e a 26 ,25 22 and 15 yr old it was tough but my 15 yr old is my heart he got me through the bad times and his dad hasnt seen him since he was 1 🤷 his loss .

The choice rightly so is completely yours.

You just need to think through everything. Are you ok if he decides he will only parent one of the children? Because I’ve seen that happen. Man pays for both but has zero interest in the child he didn’t want and cannot be forced to be.

Go with your heart OP. Your ex is a massive prick and it sounds like you and your kids will be well rid of him. Agree with all PP, he has another woman, he doesn't want her to think you were still having sex and he doesn't want the additional child maintenance. Take absolutely no notice of what he says. Get all the advice and support from family and friends and make your own decision. If you want the baby you will make things work.
Sending lots of love, you must be really hurting but you can get through this. 🩷

It's not what you want to hear but I think you should ask yourself what is best for your existing child.

I can't bear the whole 'just have the baby and it'll all turn out fine' rhetoric. Yes, it might eventually all work out okay but with a 'whirlwind' toddler who has just lost his family unit, a newborn baby, a crap ex who doesn't want at least one of the kids, reduced finances and nowhere to live, the odds are stacked against you and it's going to be very difficult for a very long time.

That far along with a baby you want - no, I would not abort.

You do need to get your ducks in a row though. Is your employment stable? Will you have somewhere to live big enough for 3? Do you have RL support?

He's pressuring you so he pays less ££

He's an ex so dont listen to him, do what you want. If it were me I would keep the baby

Someone once told me "you never regret having a child" and I think that's true, yes its hard but you know what you are doing this time. Women always find a way to make things work. Please listen to other posters and get some legal advice.

Every parent struggles and finds parenting hard, if they do not they are either not doing it right or hardly parenting.

Routine is massive as a single parent and you have time to prepare your 3 year old and build a solid routine. Honestly a good routine will help massively. Preparing as much in advance as you can such as easy to cook meals or freezing some meals In advance.

This is about OP's rights. She is an adult with capacity and she has the right to make the decision whether to carry her baby to term or not.

Her ex has something to gain here if she terminated. Less child support so he benefits financially. If there is another woman, he's likely lied to her and OP's pregnancy proves he's a liar. He's negging her parenting to manipulate her into a termination he wants and she doesn't.

Hopefully there's family and friends for support. But growing up with a father who abandoned them does not automatically mean these kids will be mentally ill, that's bullshit.

They just bought a house and got pregnant together.

He did want this. But now doesn’t (for some reason - OW is the reason). Why should OP have to abort because he’s changed his mind? The baby was wanted. OP hasn’t changed her mind.

BTW I am strongly pro-choice and most of the time on here I’m supporting women to terminate.

You don’t want to though.

Thinking what is best for children should come first makes me a man, ok then

He will look really bad leaving you for the OW (there is one) and you being pregnant. Easiest for him to get you to abort so he is free and clear.

You don’t want to, so don’t.

But do everything you can to plan, protect yourself and your children, get advice, legal and other, and move half of any shared money into a solo account.

Wow are you the about to be ex? You sound like you're cut from the same cloth 🥱

I would carry in with the pregnancy I couldn’t terminate if I have seen movement in scans unless it was going to be devastatingly disabled

I would be telling him he is the father of kids and will be expected to step up for both, l
I would be seeking legal advice to see exactly what I would be entitled to from the house sale, and telling him that because he has made a decision to leave doesn’t mean that he gets to devastate your life even more by subjecting you to a termination that will not be nice for you, does he actually understand what happens? I would go into graphic detail

Your baby is a non negotiable. Why should he/she be killed because the father is a selfish idiot.

He'll be wanting to keep the maintenance payments to one child.

Enjoy your new life with your two little ones.

I am pro choice and would never normally tell someone they should (or shouldn't) go through with a pregnancy, but I will say someone else telling you to is not a good reason to terminate!

I can't help but think he just doesn't want additional maintenance to pay to be honest.

This^

God what an arsehole he is. Completely disregard what he says though, he’s only thinking of himself and paying child maintenance etc. Get yourself to a lawyer asap

I would take his thoughts and views out of this, because he is trying to influence your thinking. Objectively, where will you live and how much money will you have? Can you afford another baby and is that what you alone want, especially if he ends up not supporting you or spending any time with the child?

I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world where I'd be homeless, it's not financially viable but most importantly, the father isn't interested. It's giving them a shit start in life with the hope it won't stay shit.

It’s a really personal decision, one only you can make.

For me personally I think it would depend on the practicalities- how much support you have around you, finances/what you can afford, although it would break my heart to abort I think I’d be looking at these practical points to make my decision.

Sounds like he doesn't want the first one either since he reminded OP she would be managing him on her own. From my own experience, I got so much love from my mum and extended family that it never crossed my mind to worry about my father not wanting me. I haven't thought about him at all till the day he died and I discovered I've inherited his flat.

Sorry OP you’re going through this .
What a fucking first class Prick he is .
It’s such shit what some humans do to others.
He’s only thinking about himself so don’t listen to his bullshit about what will you do with a second child you find the first hard to manage , & to think about where you’re going to live , the house has to be sold .( horrible man , stressing you like this when you’re pregnant ).
I can’t advise you whether to keep baby or not , it’s such a personal decision.
I think with something like this you go with your gut feeling.
Have you a supportive family?, are you working ?.
What’s that arseholes family like , are you close to them ?
You’ll be ok , it’s just shit at the minute x

@Dotdot123 I am so sorry. Men are so shit. This happened to me, though it was my first dc. I couldn’t abort even though I considered it and even went to an appointment about it.

Its such a personal decision that nobody can make for you sadly, but what I do know is you’d manage no matter how involved he is and that it sounds like from your post that you don’t actually want to abort. Women are incredible and you should absolutely remember that when making your decision. This isn’t about him. What an absolute scum bag he is.