To feel like I can’t do this anymore?

He’s been incredibly selfish. His view of happiness is totally skewed too as he clearly thinks it revolves totally around money and having possessions.

As another PP, I couldn’t believe it when you said 6 dogs and then you said you’ve got ponies to look after too as well as multiple jobs, the garden, complete running of the house plus everything to go the children. Plus health issues too. No wonder you’re on your knees!!!

Can you do a list of jobs for a typical day with times? 7:00-7:15 walked dogs, 7:15-7:45 got kids ready for school, 7:45-8:20 fed ponies, 8:30-9:00 did salary run for business 1, 9:00-10:00 food shop, etc? Rather than telling him you’ve done X, Y and Z? You also need to make it clear that you really cannot do this anymore. Tell him you want a divorce as that’s the only way you see your life improving (and being happy) unless you have a proper sit down with him to discuss your workload. He might accept a divorce and you’ll be better off. You’ll be seriously ill otherwise. Or he might realise the seriousness of what you are saying.

Personally I’d be tempted to say all the dogs are going too. Tell him to sort someone to look after them or get rid of turn. It’s crazy having all this on your life plus 6 dogs to look after!

He’s not giving you a better life at all. He’s just spending what you have. If you cannot pay a bill that’s coming up it doesn’t sound as if you’ve got that great financial standing. So what’s he doing all this for. I’d point this out.

You clearly have had multiple conversations previously so this one needs to be different. You need a discussion rather than an argument. And you need him to listen properly. Can you address this differently in some way to previous discussions and try to be really calm, practical and factual about it all? Can you write everything down in a letter to him and ask him to read it with neither of you saying anything until he has read it all? Can you get a sheet of paper, add a line down the middle and list FOR and AGAINST or GOOD/BAD or ADVANTAGES/DISADVANTAGES in relation to your life at the moment (and optionally repeat the process under another scenario such as if my life looked like this?). Again presented to him without argument or sit him down and do this together as a joint project. Or do the GOOD/BAD list as HAPPY/UNHAPPY instead to tell him what things make you happy and what things make you unhappy in relation to your current lifestyle and anything else in terms of future potential things that would make you happy?

How do your children feel about this? Can they see it’s making you ill? How do they feel about their dad not being in their lives? Are they happy? Are they happy with their ponies and motorbikes or would they swap it all for happier parents?

Get the kids to do the FOR/AGAINST or GOOD/BAD list too separately? Not sure that’s entirely a good idea depending on how old they are and if you want to involve them. Maybe not!

Good luck. You cannot continue like this and you need to make the point to your husband. You said he didn’t listen 18 months ago and he might not listen now so the only solution would be to end the relationship. You are not in a fair relationship here. He’s taking advantage and appears not to care at all about the impact on you or your children.

What do you mean he collects dogs? They're not fucking teapots!

You really need to start saying no, OP. No, you cannot bring home another dog; no, I can't do another job; no, I can't look after the horses; no, you need to employ a secretary because I'm not it; no, you need to employ someone to run the kennels.

I get it op. It’s the lack of support and loneliness. You are not alone but he barely lives with you yet you have thrown yourself body and soul in to his life and yet he is absent!

This isn’t what you signed up for. And you have lost your own self in the middle of it all.

And like climbing a mountain, you kept thinking, we will just be over this next bit and then things will be easier, only to be confronted with another set of obstacles.

He sounds enormously disrespectful, totally uninterested in your happiness, and very self -centred and egotistical.

Let me guess, he is everyone’s friend and loves his work? Is he really doing it for you and the dc or is he doing it for himself? The six dogs is a classic example of that isn’t it?

And are the finances massively complicated so you never get to see the whole picture?

I hate to say it op but if this has been going on for years and nothing changes, the only thing that can change is your response to it. I think you know that really in your heart of hearts. Your breakdown 18 months ago was telling you that.

It’s his way or the highway I’m afraid. He is convinced in his own mind that he has made all of these sacrifices for you and if you leave it won’t be pretty. He will characterise it as giving you everything and you being ungrateful.

So you need to choose your hard op. First get physically better because you shouldn’t make any big decisions like this while feeling ill.

Put an advert on sm and sell the dogs to a knowledgeable home. You don’t need his permission. They are half yours and he is not contributing to their care. Assert yourself op. Take your power back. You don’t need permission. He didn’t consult you when buying them.

Get your house in order. Financial documents. Mortgage. Income. Good financial and legal advice. Step by step. Take your power back! Good luck 💐

I would like to offer my solidarity, my DH also runs 2 companies and is always busy, he is currently away on a work trip. I also moved to another country to live with him when I had our DC and find it a little isolating. We don't have pets as we travel often, we're just not pet people, I think dogs are way too much work. His mum down the road has a dog so our DD's can go there if they want to spend time with a dog. I find it very odd your DH 'collects' spaniels but never spends time enjoying them or the work involved in looking after them.

I have a friend in a controlling relationship whose partner keeps getting more and more animals and expects my friend to take of them while the partner can't be bothered to look after them, I think it's a form of control but I hope your case is different to that!

Now, your posts were already bad enough but your last line here is just too much. OP, am sorry, he doesn't care for you. He's not listening to your needs. He is not by any stretch of the imagination a partner, or even a husband.

I don't know what you want to do, try one last time for him to listen, walk away or whatever, but it is unfair, grossly unfair on you to spend your life like this and for so long. He's not bringing in much to your life, he just seems to be taking your sparkle away. It's time to put yourself first.

Good luck with the iron replacement. If pills too harsh, I recommend a liquid or paying for an infusion. The infusion is fastest and the least side-effects imo.

Wish you well and sending a huge hug.

How much consultation is he doing with you on things like the dogs? Dogs are a huge life and time commitment (esp working spaniels - and we are a working spaniel family).

Your time belongs to no one but you and only you should be deciding how that is apportioned.

Why have 6 dogs??

6 dogs??

I love dogs but don't have one because they are such hard work.

And ponies!

OP, you need to drop the rope, he's just using you.

I hope posting here and getting replies is helping you to come to terms what you need to change for your future self.

You and your kids are number 1.

Life as a single mum is so much easier than having an adult kid to deal with too.

I think in your shoes I would be seriously considering divorce. It doesn’t matter how much you do, he’s never going to understand or change. What are you getting out of the relationship?

Sure you can. I told my ex I was no longer looking after his dog and stuck to it and he found an alternative two days later.
They are HIS dogs. Yes, you feel guilty for them not getting their two walks a day and that's what he relies on. Tell him you will stop looking after them and then...just stop. He'll have to find a dog walker or re-home them.

You say I'm sorry but this isn't working. If he is such a successful entrepreneur as you say he can afford to hire admin staff.
You are basically becoming his employee, that isn't good for anyone, and especially not good for you developing your own independent life.

How on earth people cope in life I really have no idea! This is so unrealistic! He collects dogs?! Wtf is that even a thing!

Who looks after the ponies??

You have way too much on! Tell him you're no longer helping with the business or caring for the dogs and stay firm with it. If he attempts to force it on to you, leave. Focus on your DC and your own career.