To stop DS changing his registered carer from me to his GF?

I’d suggest a trial. Say ok she can start with the 35 hours for the next two weeks and we can see how it goes.

Then anything he messages you about you can say she will have to deal with it, she needs to deal with anything at home by him being with her- he’ll have to spend x many more days at hers, or you’ll be breaking the law/committing fraud.

Say you can see how it goes. Then presumably it won’t work and he’ll realise.

That would be a hard NO

It's only the money she's bothered about,
I'd be so worried about son if payments weren't as forthcoming as she'd like
He clearly is a trusting soul
And this is what she picked up on
When she latched onto him.

That's a lack of imagination on your part. I know couples where one person is very disabled from birth and their partner is not and cares for them, they are married and have children. OPs DS obviously has a lot to give as a partner and his GF sees his value.

I don't see how someone with a learning disability so bad that they need 35 hours of care from someone per week can be in a consensual relationship with someone who doesn't also have a LD, sounds like he's massively being taken advantage of.

It sounds like a longish term relationship, especially as it sounds like it was based on friendship beforehand. I know other couples where one partner is disabled and the other cares for them. I say let them have a go. As PP have said, make a list of what you do, and make it clear you are not available for those tasks if this goes ahead. They also have to do all the work of getting it changed over.

do you mind me asking what your son struggles with despite being deemed high functioning (I have an autistic child of the same age, genuinely curious and not being facetious)

How much are we talking about? How much is it worth?

She sounds like a grifter tbh.

Rather than transfer caring responsibilities to her, increase the amount of time your son spends with her - maybe let him spend a full month with her and be clear with both of them that she needs to handle all his needs not you.
She needs to realise what she is getting into if nothing else.

If the month goes well and she still wants to proceed then I don't see why you would say no if that is what your son wants. But, keep a close eye on him so that she is not neglecting him and keep a log from now on of anything you are asked to do unpaid.

As above speak to his social worker. They will have seen this situation many times before.

God this terrifies me as the mum to an 8yo with high functioning ASD and other disabilities 😭😭

I'm in the US but when I got benefits for my youngest, I had to fill out lots of paperwork and sign as the payee.

Wouldn't they notice if you were doing the paperwork still because you can't sign as her, that would be fraudulent? Or cut off the benefits if she just didn't do the paperwork and it wasn't received by its due date? She hasn't been around long enough to be trusted in that position notr is she putting in the hours and work. So that would be a no.

I'm not sure what the legal terms are, but is your son legally independent/capable of making his own decisions?
As if so then presumably as an adult who his carer is would be up to him to change?
Or would you have to do it?
I get why you want to avoid pushing him away with an argument but I would resist this as long as possible, this does not seem like a healthy relationship for him and I would be very concerned.

I think he can change the carer whenever he wants ? Surely if someone else just puts a claim in it will be transferred ? I’m not saying I agree with the idea as it’s sounds like your current set up is best but I don’t think you can block it from changing to her ?

She wants to claim because it will make her exempt to job search whilst claiming universal credits. I am guessing she currently has to attend the job centre to job search because she doesn’t earn enough.

I would say ‘no’. DS lives with you, i am guessing you do all his washing, you cook his meals whilst he’s there? On top of doing paperwork, finances etc…etc…?

As long as he’s living with you then you are the one providing the care. If she wants to take on that role then your DS can live with her, this would give you freedom to work?

Both my kids have SEN’s and disabilities, I really hope one day my eldest can move out and that she finds someone who is willing to do all I do……because then I won’t have to do it anymore (that makes me sound awful). Sadly her younger sister is more severely disabled and needs even more care.

If you are providing more care for him than she is then you need to continue claiming carers. If she wants to take over caring for him then let her, maybe she will then realise she’s better off working?

This.

Carer's Allowance is not a top up for someone on a shit wage or who can't get enough hours. It sounds likes she wants to claim it for the wrong reasons.

I would say she can if they officially move in together and share an address and all household bills. While he is still registered as living at home with you, you are his carer.

I like the idea but the challenge here is that she will not take care of the OP's DS, he will not complain about her because she is his GF, and so he will not be taken care of.

If I was the OP I would strongly resist this change if it is driven by the GF's low income. The DS is 22 and vulnerable. If in a few years time the GF is genuinely doing much of the caring then think about it then.

Of course if the DS has capacity I am not sure OP can do much to stop him if the GF has her claws in him he is determined.

You aren't immortal. Eventually you'll need to step back from the carer role.

I suggest that you propose a gradual transfer. Write out a list of all the tasks you do as he carer and hiw long you spend on those tasks each week. For 6 months she can do 25% of the work and you can informally give her 25% of the carers allowance. After 6 months she can up her share to 50% of the work and 50% of the allowance. Eventually she can have all of it but an absolute "nope" to her having a single penny of the allowance without a proportionate share of the work.

Someone can have more than one registered carer so I don't understand the problem.

It sounds like this is an issue around Carers Allowance and other benefits. Presumably, your son is in receipt of PIP and you get the CA. If he's over the age of 18 and has capacity then he can (and should) decide who receives CA on his behalf. Alternatively, he could decide that no one gets CA on his behalf. This would seem to be the most sensible way forward and for a request for assessment and direct payments for his care.