To stop DS changing his registered carer from me to his GF?

Hi OP. Benefits adviser here. Is this GF claiming UC do you know? I ask because if she claims CA she will also become entitled to the carers element of UC. Whilst CA will be deducted itself from the UC, she would still receive CA weekly and a top up of £200 pm carers element on the UC claim. The bigger factor here is that carers status will then mean she does not have to look for work..could that be a factor in this? Just a thought. Others have already stated the important issue, if not providing 35hrs per week or more of substantial and regular care she cannot claim anyway.

So if she has all these jobs, albeit for a small amount of hours what’s she going to do if one of his appointments clashes with her hours? How is she going to go to work if you have a job and aren’t there and your ds can’t be left by himself?

He shouldn't be able to decide that someone who isn't doing 35 hours a week of care can receive the CA, which is what this would be. Son's wishes do not override legal requirements.

This is not the case. If someone else puts in a claim and OP is still claiming the new claim will be disallowed.

That's likely the best course for OP without alienating her ds.

Ask the social worker if he could have an independent advocate. It would then be a neutral person working professionally.

I would let them know of your concerns. Also, look up hate crime, its well known that unscrupulous people have relationships with vulnerable adults for all the reasons you and other posters have raised.

There seems a massive power imbalance OP @Agiraffecalledbow ....so your son has LD and needs considerable care and his GF has a degree?

So she is able... She knows she isn't supporting him 35 hours weekly... WHAT is her motivation? Apart from getting extra money?

This feels as it needs to be reviewed under safeguarding...

Wait, what?
OP gets CA as she provides at least 35 hours of care for her DS each week, and he will have to be on DLA or PIP for her to get that.
Why should she not be getting it? She has explained what she does for her DS.
It is a little over £80 per week.

💯

The problem is, if he can't be left at home alone due to being a fire risk then he's realistically looking at residential care. And as a high functioning person the chances of him getting that is almost zero. There'd probably have to actually be a serious house fire first for the risk to be accepted. Social services might give him some support in addition to what he already has for his work placement, but they aren't going to provide enough support hours that he's supervised 24/7 regardless of whether that's via direct payments or direct provision.

If he's living in OPs home she literally can't relinquish caring duties if nobody else adequately takes over, regardless of whether she's being paid as carer or not. She'd be leaving herself and her home at risk of death/destruction, by fire, if she did.

This would be so messy. They're not engaged, living together or seemingly committed in any meaningful way so handing over control of all his needs is so risky. If the relationship ends it could be a nightmare getting paperwork back, sorting out payments being stopped etc - she'd have all the control.

This complicates what could otherwise be a healthy relationship. You're right to say though that if she takes the money, she takes on all the responsibilities.

If the GF is immature and living with parents and is not fully independent with regard to responsibilities that come with running a household I don't think she has proven abilities to be a carer. I imagine her parents are subsidising her financially if she is only working a few hours so she also has not demonstrated that she can manage money. Does she cook? Do her own laundry? If she were to apply for a job as a PA/support worker it doesn't sound that likely she has the life skills to succeed, in which case she should not be a recognised carer. I think the 'not yet' advice and emphasising that they should have fun at this stage of their relationship in order to keep your son on board is very wise.

She sounds workshy and I wonder if she's after the UC payment as well, she won't be expected to work if she's a carer. So she could move out to live alone, get paid from UC and carer's and not work/barely work. I'd be concerned she wouldn't do the caring and DS would suffer.

If she does it as a trial it should be an unpaid trial. You need that money OP and until you can give up caring permanently you can't work more, so why should you go without so she can have a trial? An unpaid trial would be more accurate anyway, most of the work done is effectively unpaid because it's 24/7 in many cases, not 35hr week then clock off at 5pm.

It should wait until he's living elsewhere really OP, because otherwise you will inevitably be lumbered with caring just because you're the one who's there and he's your son so you're not going to let him suffer (or burn your house down just because nobody is supervising him).

I have to question why a well educated 26yr old is dating a 22yr old with LD anyway. Are they really that well matched? It's one thing of it's a fling but to take on caring the relationship would need to be serious and essentially the intention would be that it's a permanent situation. They're not even living together yet!

i work with adults who have relatives who may well receive CA for them but who, on the surface appear to function reasonably well. Some have even signed POA over to parents to manage things like legal matters and finances because they can’t quite wrap their head around that but hold down a job and have consensual relationships. It’s almost like they can’t manage the ‘adulting’ part of being an adult - running a house, paying bills, remembering appointments etc but can cope with the fun side as it’s a lower demand - going shopping, days and nights out. Meeting friends.

my job is to help them be less dependent where possible and put reasonable accommodations in where needed.

@Agiraffecalledbow you definitely need to get his social workers input on this and consider direct payments as he can then pay whoever to do what he need's as well as buy in services . I used to be paid to clean for a relative as part of their direct payment. It meant they had a trusted person doing the work and I earned a little bit of ‘pin’ money when I was a sahp around preschool hours. It was all above board and receipted every time for transparency and accountability.

I don’t envy you though. I have a very high functioning autistic child and I wonder if he will ever leave home to forge his own life!

I would be worried about a Tom Somerset How situation. If you can, do nothing and brush the idea to one side. If they keep trying to pursue it then point out that she doesn’t meet the criteria. She is not next of kin and is not doing the leg work or brain work to make sure his care needs are met. Suggest they focus on enjoying each others’ company, as making her his career might spoil their relationship.

She lives with her parents from what OP said.
She wants her work commitments switched off, and wants the CA money.

If OP does a month trial, as a few people have suggested, what will she do when her DS is crying down the phone that his mum is not helping him.

If she only works 5 hours a week how is she supporting herself at the moment- paying rent, bills etc

I would take the approach that whilst he’s living at home you will be his registered carer. His GF can take over when they move in together.

I would also discuss with him that it wouldn’t be good for their relationship at this stage if GF was having to do all the drudgery of his admin. She might end up seeing him as more of a job than a boyfriend. As their relationship deepens then she will naturally become more involved but at this stage he should be keeping things romantic not getting her to move into a mothering role.

Don’t let GF take over as carer, either you’ll end up still doing the work or your DS’s needs will be neglected. Don’t say an absolute No, but more of a Not Yet.

I’d refuse and she has to provide 35 hours a week care which it seems she is not, also seems like she is taking advantage.

Does the DS have capacity?

Mate crime is a significant issue for people with learning disabilities or autism - where they are taken advantage of by people claiming to be their friend. It is one reason why it is best to keep money in trust for them. OP does seem happy for the GF to take on care of - I can understand the desire to handover responsibility like that. Being a carer is a drain on energy and emotions. But in such circumstances I think OP needs to safeguard her DS first.

I would say that she should not be his carer unless they lived together but it does sound like she just wants the money but not the hassle also it would be weird being your bf carer unless you were committed its not even a great deal of money just keep saying no tell her straight there is a lot more to being a carer going to a few appointments.