Am I selfish to gatekeep my hairdresser for myself?

She likes to do my make up, and did it in full when I went for brunch with friends a few weeks ago. Problem was her lovely young-person make up doesn’t quite suit my older face and I had to re-do it a bit in secret because I looked a bit like a transvestite 🙃 lesson learnt.

Maybe you should suggest your daughter take you shopping and pick stuff out for you? She might appreciate her fashion sense being acknowledged by you.

I came on this thread expecting to say YABU, but you really really aren't!

You asked if you are selfish to gatekeep your hairdresser for yourself, I don't think that's what you are doing at all. I think you are protecting your hairdresser from your mother, and protecting your professional relationship with them. I wouldn't tell your mother either!

Just tell the hairdresser she’s a nightmare cancels at short notice complained and bad mouthed all her previous hairdressers
and it’s upto him but please don’t feel obliged to take her on because your a customer

My wash, cut, conditioning treatment and blow dry costs £15.

YANBU because good hairdressers are like gold dust and if someone is going to potentially mess around with the unicorn I have found then I will block and gatekeep as much as I need to.

Sorry. Really not sorry at all.

If the person can be trusted to behave reasonably and not tank my (very valuable) relationship with my hairdresser, I will pass over the number / contact details without any hesitation.

75 quid for a wash and cut?.who's doing it, Vidal Sassoon?

Yeah that’s standard where I live. But IMO it’s worth it, my hairdresser is like an artist! But my mum is of the “How much!” Train of thought when things are more expensive than about £7.50

My DD is only 12 but likes make up and is in ladies clothes (albeit size 4!). I am SO careful to not say “Oh that’s nice I might get one for myself” even though her make up is amazing, like MUA-level and she picks such lovely clothes out. My mum used to want to come on shopping trips with me and my friends and I hated it with a passion, made my skin crawl. But my relationship with my mother is so complex and rooted in trauma. What I’d give for a normal relationship where I could share a hairdresser with her.

As someone whose mum is exactly the same OP, YANBU.

I stopped going out in public places with my mum a few years ago because she’ll do things like pull faces if someone is being loud, and the last time we went out she said (and she has a foghorn voice) “Look at that fat child”. The parent heard. She doesn’t live locally and I told her to have some respect for the fact that I do.

Not dementia either she’s still only mid-60’s. But she’s SO offensive, anlways has been, and makes no effort to do things like change the words she uses to fit in with more modern times. Im not talking nonsense stuff like “cisgender”, im talking using outdated terms about gay people and black people etc.

I’d commit to never going to the hairdressers again rather than introduce my mum to mine.

All those answering who have a normal relationship with a normal mother are funny. This isn’t a normal relationship, it’s one where op is wary of her mum .

op I understand but you need to do some work on not being affected by her whinging, it doesn’t matter you are not responsible for her and she’s not a reflection on you. Her opinion should not affect you. I have a thing where if mine notices I have something new on her first words are “would that fit me” or “ I might borrow that” . It repulses me!

So what, though? I mean, why is it her business how much you spend on a haircut? You're an economically-independent adult, right?

I don’t blame you at all. My sister asked where I go for my colour. I told her. In my next appointment the hairdresser told me, my sister cancelled 3 times in a row then walked out after her consultation because she was too expensive! My hair dresser said my sister had wasted her time and would have to pay upfront next time so they could subtract a cancellation fee. I was so embarrassed 😳 Especially when she’s not expensive but mid priced for a great colour. I would never give anyone else my hairdresser's info again!

So? Youre a grown adult and you don't need your Mum's permission about what to spend on yourself.

Have you got another hairdresser you have been to? You could give her their details as a decoy hairdresser and if she mentions you to them they might remember you??

So you're all happy to deny these people work?

I'm sure they're all grown-up enough to handle difficult clients

Me too.
I have a roll call of excellent guys that do brilliant work.
I pass their numbers on judiciously and always tell friends to say they may mention my name.
I always give a lovely lunch, pizzas and toasties, coffee and cakes to those that do work, and they are very appreciative of it.
I think you get a better job from those you look after and treat graciously.

In your situation, knowing your mothers character, I wouldn't dream of inflicting her on someone whose work I admired.
Certainly not a great hairdresser!

Me too! I know people like this. I would never recommend them anyone. Some people are unreasonable and unrealistic and seem to expect everything for nothing. They can sort themselves out.