Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

She is entering the world of adulting and working. Not always getting the leave you want is part and parcel of the working world (speaking as a manager who has just had to decline a request today - I hate doing it but sometimes it is just not possible to grant every request).

I think this is obviously going to affect you more due to your autism. As you said the change of plan itself is going to have an impact it wouldn’t have on the rest of us. Is it possible she has said she can’t get the time off to ease you into the transition of her growing up and no longer coming on family holidays?

It's unfortunate OP but I think feeling sick over it is a bit much.

Long-term though I think your daughter would be better off looking for an alternative workplace, I have worked somewhere similar where the holiday rules were so strict that parents had to book up the school holidays on day 1 that the booking system opened and it was awful. I didn't even have children at that point but the atmosphere wasn't good and it wasn't a fair way to treat employees.

Lots of workplaces are much more flexible than this.

When I was much younger this used to happen to me all the time in the NHS and while I can understand it now as a working Mum it's not exactly a fair system. We had a situation once where someone had leave approved and had booked a skiing trip, the manager then withdrew the permission as someone with kids had forgotten to request half term off !

It may not just be that the school holidays have been given to parents as annual leave over other people. If you have alternative working patterns such as term time only or part year that can also reduce the scope for annual leave at those times, as the staff pool will be smaller. That's not so much of a problem in a very large organisation, but if there are less than 10 staff in a team and 2 are term time only it will have an impact. There's nothing you can do this year, but maybe try and book long weekends over Bank Holidays if she isn't in a job where she works them, so you get a family break. Would she feel confident to ask how holiday is allocated as well so she knows how requests are allocated? At least that might give some idea of how much of a chance she has of getting summer dates next year.

I think she should speak to HR. It could be she's being discriminated against if it's to do with not being a parent.

Most of the patient facing staff would request to take 2 annual leave weeks and one parental leave week in summer. Those who didn't get their parental leave week in summer would get it in October half term, and then they'd be priority for the extra summer week the following year. It would have had a worse impact if we delayed until September, because all of the new grads and other staff without children were itching to go on holiday as soon as the schools went back!

Admittedly because of the nature of the job and length of training/education required, we didn't have any staff there as young as OP's DD though, where they might still have to factor in siblings still at school.

It's tough OP, but unfortunately this is part of the transition when they grow up and get steadily more independent.

She is clearly doing very well to have her f/t job and that needs to be her priority now.

As you can see she is already booking holidays with her friends.

I can see this has taken you by surprise but this is the new frustration - having previously worked your jols around school terms you now have completely different work constrains wrt your Dd.

Yes my employer does similar for xmas, we can book all other leave whenever we want in advance except for xmas, usually we have to wait and all submit our requests, if we are booking a holiday that would be looked at in advance but just for general time off its managed as a whole.

What an odd take on it. My 17 yo is a support worker in a hospital and has been for 18 months now, he is fully on the rota and has to be covered. He has done a L2 apprenticeship already so is the same level as all the support workers whatever age they are.

Obviously them not giving any of the leave seems completely unfair especially as she hasnt submitted it late. School holidays shouldn't be just for those with DC, people may have partners who are teachers or in other roles where leave is dictated. I would definitely be asking them if I was her.

I missed this post. Thats really bad that all have been refused then, seems very unfair. Can she speak to them?

What job is she doing at 17?

it’s EXTREMELY unlikely to be specialised or difficult to replace.

she should speak to the manager and ask why her leave submitted at 1.30am the day of the leave being available has been refused.

if they don’t either grant the leave or provide an adequate response, she should look for another job.

in short, this is not a good employer. Nobody age 17 is indispensable

Mine both still want to go on holiday with us at same age, its not that unusual (except on MN when they become fully fledged adults at 18 and you can't do anything with them or for them anymore)

Its tricky isn't it, my DS started full time work straight from gcses, he gave them holiday dates we had already booked when he was negotiating start date etc. He always asks for leave before we book anything now, school holidays are always hard as so many people want them so he has to get in early, most of ours are term time now so a bit easier.

Where I used to work we had a very fair system in that everybody was asked to submit their holiday requests by end of December for following year. The senior management team looked at all of the requests together taking into account business needs, who had the time last year, special occasion requests etc. out of a team of 30 I can’t recall anybody over the years not getting what was requested. We also didn’t give longest serving team members priority over everybody else. That was the fairest way.

DD not been able to get the time off is no different than your husband not been able to get time off in may
why aren’t you upset about your husband inability to get time off and but just your daughters

Once they reach their teens many young adults dont want to go on holiday with that parents because they find it infantilising. 17 is nearly an adult and the DD may not wish to tag around with her parents. Particularly as she had already arranged something with a friend.

I felt like that at age 16 when I began work. The last thing I wanted was to stay with my parents for two weeks in a caravan. So i told them I couldnt get the time off work and they went without me. My mother did ask the NDN to "keep an eye" on me. Presumably because she did not want me to have any mad parties and wreck the house. However I did have a female friend stay with me for part of the time.

I never went on holiday with my parents again.

Oh no, i hope she didn't ruin your christmas too op! 😂

she has requested our usual I dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one

It’s full time, she qualified last year, 8am -5pm Monday to fridayb

Did this job start as an apprenticeship OP? Has she been at this company since she was 16? If so, she’s obviously got those dates off previously since this is the first year it’s a problem so it’s possible her company gives out holiday on a rotation basis for popular dates rather than first come, first serve i.e. if you get it one year then someone else gets preference the next year which in my opinion, is the fairest way to do it.

She is 18 and single. Employers will usually give parents of school-age children preference for those dates.

So do I understand it, she asked for three school holiday dates, and one non-school holiday date? She’s also a newer employer. It may be considered a little cheeky to want several school holiday dates and/or HR made sure everyone got one of their first choice dates, in your dd’s case, May dates .

Actually lots of places are much more fair and it’s first come first served. All staff have as much right to holidays etc, not just parents.

How committed is she to the job? How easily can she get another?

if it’s a cafe or pub job that is easy to find then if I were her I’d be tempted to just hand in my notice and go on the holidays

if it’s a major job related to her future career, or where she’d struggle to find similar in the future, then it’s different. Although having said this, if it’s going to be a consistent issue where she can never have school holidays due to them instantly being full and therefore can never go away with family again, she may want to weigh up if it’s worth it or if she wants to seek a new job anyway.

i left my last job due to holidays being impossible to book due to the whole area being taken into account (so no one off in my office but because someone 50 miles away is off it’s full) and I was being forced to use holidays on random empty days in January to even be able to take them. There’s more to life than work at the end of the day

If they allocate leave by seniority then it might just be that all the school holiday leave is booked up by people who have been there longer than her.

How about booking a term time holiday just with her and making the most of the lower prices?

What and where does your daughter work ? I thank the Lord I don't work somewhere like that. my holidays are sometimes booked last minute. our company is very understanding about it. we have a week to keep for Xmas and a week for a summer shutdown. yes it's in July and I am childless but actually like taking time off that time of year even if its in the middle of summer holidays- we go away somewhere at home or I just enjoy being off same time as my young nieces and newphews. some of us childless people want to go on hols during school holidays 🤷‍♀️ we should be allowed the choice. I understand you are upset op and I would be questioning why on earth every single one of her requests are rejected ? I would quietly be looking for a new job - if she lucky she could time the new job to start after coming back from some hols 😉 also if they are booked and she tells at start of new job there is nothing they can do.

Stop making stuff up