Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

Parents with parental responsibilities for young children.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

How many days/weeks off has she requested?

Being self employed I'm not up to speed with how many weeks a company allows their workers now but I'd imagine only so many can be off at one time.

When did the holiday book open? Is it the first of January or is it a year in advance or what?

School holidays will be booked up by parents the second the book opens for those dates, so she needs to learn that. And book the day it opens.

Probably because holidays were prebooked as soon as they came out by parents who struggle with childcare during school holidays. As a parent I'm sure you will have struggled with time off in the hols to be able to manage childcare.

When did the holiday open? Bit rubbish if its only been a days and mostly refused

There is February and may half term?

Can you have a holiday with just her if that would help?

She's getting to the age where she might be pulling away rom family holidays.

How old are your other two?

It's your daughter's responsibility to decide how she wants to manage this. She's 18 and a working adult. If she is content with the arrangement then you should butt out.

Most work places cannot accomodate everybody's leave requests over school holidays in particular. I've just been asked to make my requests for 2027 and by no means will I get everything I want. The difference is that I'm letting down my 7YO dd if I can't take enough leave to enjoy time off with her. Your dd is letting down a grown adult who should be able to cope with the disappointment autism or not.

It's also possible she's not being entirely honest and has made the decision to prioritise holidaying with her friends (perfectly reasonable at 18) although it's also possible that her holiday with friends is during term time which would make it much less of a problem for requesting leave.

Either way I think you need to get over it and give your dd the space to make her own decisions about it.

I Don't understand why you can't find some dates that do work for her as well.

Does her new employer think she doesn't have children so doesn't deserve the school holidays off. If I were her I'd be speaking to them about all dates possible and explaining that as she has younger siblings and needs parental support to afford a holiday so won't be going away if she's not allowed some school holiday time off. There should be an equal sharing of the school holiday time off.

My friends with older, working dc go on holiday with them outside school holidays. 4 day breaks to Lanzarote are really cheap in term time. They also do things like city breaks. I'd definitely plan something just you and her.

It's a shame this happened, but no reason to think this will happen again. For the next holiday she will apply for annual leave before booking, or she may decide to do something else with her leave, which will be a milestone which indicates she is moving into independence. Difficult times for the parents!

Why can’t you book it on different weeks that she can have off?

Did she check those dates were free before booking the holiday? It's what you have to do as an employee

You say it has to work around school holidays. I’m guessing other people have already requested the same days off then. Unfortunately, that’s part and parcel of the working world.

I’d be disappointed too, it seems very harsh to reject nearly all the requested leave when we’re only in January! What kind of job does she do? Surely some staff get summer leave.

You're getting a hard time from some posters. Your feelings are perfectly reasonable, but I'm afraid that yes, it's something you have no choice but to get used to. My daughters are in their late 30s, and I still have to keep my fingers crossed when we have plans together, especially with Christmas, as one is a nurse.

My kids would have been/still would be disappointed too, so ignore the 'she probably doesn't want to go with you anyway' posts!

So yes, I empathise, but as time goes on you will get more used to it, and your daughter will probably learn to get her leave request in early. It's just a bump in the road.

Are you sure she even asked for those dates off?

It may be that she no longer wants to go on family holidays and finds it easier to hide behind the excuse of not being able to get time off rather than telling you directly as she'd be concerned about your reaction.

But it’s a full time job, not a part time thing around uni or something. And OP said she qualified, so she has done some level of work to get this job. You don’t just jack that in to go on a holiday. It’s like any other adult in a full time job they’ve worked hard to get.

At 17, I would probably just have looked for another job! It's a difficult job market at the moment, though, so maybe she shouldn't resign until she has another job lined up.

If this was ds1 (also almost 18) then to be honest he's probably just call in sick and/or tell them to like it or lump it.

But he's doing A Levels atm and his job is 9 hours a week in a cafe. He works hard when he's there, enjoys the pocket money but he would absolutely not prioritise it over a holiday! He'd just get another pub/shop/cafe job instead.

If this is your DD's 'proper' FT job though there's really not much you can do other than change dates or go without her.

I'd start by trying to be as flexible as you can and seeing if you can find out what dates she could actually book.

She's 18, she might relish the chance of being "home alone" -mine does! She's 20 and doesn't always go away with us anymore. She has work and a life with friends and really enjoys having the house to herself.
I know it's upsetting for you and I do understand that. You either change your dates around wherever possible or you take your younger ones away and arrange a weekend away with all of you at some point.
It's adult working life unfortunately-DD can't take anytime off from November through to January 2nd so always works all through Christmas and New Year which is shit- we've hardly seen her this time around. It is what it is.

all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family

Are you sure she wants to go on holiday with you?

She's 18, things change. You can certainly take the younger ones without her.