Patience going with immature friend

She sounds absolutely awful. She's not going to change at this stage, so there's no point in a last gasp message in the hope she'll see the light. You just need to decide how long you're going to let her encroach on your life and rip the plaster off.

Hopefully your friends feel the same way too and you can all just bin her off and block her at the same time.

I would say anyone still living at home at 40 isn’t edging towards NT.

She poked a waiter? She for sure has learning difficulties, or she is insufferably rude.

I think it's considerably odder how many Mners have longterm friends they dislike intensely. If you're all around 40 and have been friends for at least 20 years, you've been friends since your late teens or so -- none of her behaviour would have been normal then either. Why on earth describe her as a friend, keep seeing her regularly, and enabling this behaviour?

Ok.

I still think she sounds quite rude, if she phrased it the way you say she did. Most people (especially most people whose family have learning disabilities, surely?!) would say something like 'may I ask if she has LD, because my daughter does, and ...').

I also really don't get why it's relevant she's a single mother, and it does sound a bit as if your friendship group see yourselves as people who are performing some kind of wonderful charitable activity in befriending the needy?

I agree. She sounds very draining

dont step away run
sounds like you are a least 40ish
stop wasting you time and life

Frankly, I would lose the 'single mum' (a single mum! And your friend 'bought' her out for dinner! What a medal she deserves) too. Anyone who comments on someone else's presumed learning disabilities, let alone in such a patronising way, after one meeting, really doesn't deserve friendship.

But if you are finding this person irritating then yes, I wouldn't bother with her. She does sound annoying.

If it's been raised with her before and it's not improved I'd just stop inviting and involving her.

There's no way I'd be wanting to spend time or text with someone this obnoxious and I'd be telling them why and that it was a line in the sand for me that the friendship had run it's course.

No, it really doesn't. She just sounds like an obnoxious attention seeker.

She really doesn't sound quite right. And I don't mean that in a mean way.

@Spaghettihoops2026 she sounds EXACTLY like the immature, selfish, spoiled friend I cut out of my life 4 years ago after a long, continued series of events that stressed the rest of us out.

Reading your examples, it all sounds so familiar to me.

My ex friend did so many things that the rest of us (we were a group of 5 from school) would just ignore or try to excuse for 20+ years. No more though.

Examples:
-Got drunk and took drugs that disagreed with her and turned her violent when we were all at a party as teenagers and we had to call the police (in hindsight that should have been the end of the friendship then)
-Would phone us constantly at 2am 3am blind drunk hurling abuse at us if we didn't join her at whatever nightclub she was at (alone) and would say if she was killed it would be our fault.
-Laughed or would send laughing emojis any time we discussed anything serious in our group chats and say something like "that's just life".
-would lie about her life yet demand every single detail about our lives and have a tantrum if we didn't tell her everything.
-Would go no contact with us all for months on end and we would check in, hear nothing and then eventually she'd get in touch asking us for money for drink or cigarettes. If we said no she'd sulk and say we were tight.
-got kicked off her PhD programme for being drunk and abusive and ending up in a police cell one night (although lied to us that this happened and said it just wasn't for her - we found out it was due to drink driving, refusing a breathalyser and then being put in the cells).
-Cheated on her boyfriend with a real low life and then bemoaned that they'd split up and tried to tell me that my sister dying of cancer wasn't as bad as her boyfriend leaving her as my sister didn't choose to leave.
-Called me at 3am when I had a newborn.

The last one was final straw although I do wish I'd told her to go and fuck herself with the second last one. But hey ho. My other three friends have also seriously distanced themselves and one has cut her off like I have. She's a mess and it's all her choice yet she takes no responsibility and will blame others. I do hope she finds peace and happiness but it's not my problem anymore.

This, the need to be centre of attention and be awful to people while expecting everyone to be lovely to them and not react!

I would never speak to her again after the college thing.

You need permission to end a friendship?

Frankly she is not someone I would want to be around so yes, just do it.

Permission granted.👍

Enough is enough. She's not going to change. Start another group and ignore her childish texts. You've already pointed out that her behaviour is too much and she doesn't care.

… how sure are you that she doesn’t have learning difficulties? Because it sounds like she does.

Just start a new group chat without her in it...

Ah. Could she have a condition making her do these things? I don't really know what, but the shouting out made me think of Tourette's?

But even so, you're not unreasonable at all. I couldn't spend any time with her in public, and I'd have blocked her after the idiocy at the open day.

I was so confused by the learning difficulties bit but I understand now you’ve clarified. Not sure the new friend should be commenting on learning difficulties but it does sound like your friend is insanely annoying. I think I’d be at the end of my tether too.

I would have lost my temper at her badgering me while I was on an open day to see a college with my child. That's actually important and she couldn't resist acting the fool knowing you were doing for your child.

In your shoes I think you need to step away from her.

The behaviour you describe at the meal sounds absolutely awful, I would be telling my 5 year old to calm down and keep their hands to themselves let alone a grown woman! What do the others in the group think?

Also are we really sure she doesn't have learning difficulties? Could she just be undiagnosed?

I'd have blocked her after the stupid nonsense when you were viewing colleges with your daughter.

Honestly just tell her she needs to grow up and stop the pathetic behaviour and that you will no longer continue to associate with her.