Patience going with immature friend

All your updates make me think that your friend is a twin of my ex friend!!! You need to step back and cut contact. If you can't do that, then reduce contact and just grey rock her from now on. I cannot tell you the relief I got from cutting my now ex friend out of my life.

Okay well stop being friends with her then 🤷‍♀️ It doesn’t sound like a good friendship really.

I still stand by my belief that she has undiagnosed issues. The tantrum at the funeral over food timings is especially telling. I suspect that for whatever reason, her behaviour isn’t motivated by ill-will but it sounds like you’ve reached your tolerance limit so I would distance myself if you don’t want to deal with it anymore.

Urgh, she sounds awful, young given her enough chances. I'd block her and leave the group chat. Explain to the others you need to step back for your mental health.

As some one who has just shrugged off a similarly draining friendship. It’s exactly the same as an abusive relationship, they rarely start how they end up. In my case it was time and noticing how much my ‘friend’ enjoyed it when I was struggling and would disappear when my life was going well or shit on the good things.

Your friend needs to grow up that is a horrible thing to say to a woman after an internal. Maybe call her out everytime she behaves like this and stop inviting her to things. You deserve more adult friends

I would just make a separate whatsapp group and not invite her to it. Let the other one die. Doesn’t like any of you like her. She won’t change op especially if shes in her 40s and behaving like this.

Yes that does come across very strongly in your posts. So why are you still friends with this woman then?

I do get a sense that you think you’re a lot better than her and you keep mentioning how much more mature and responsible you are so I’m really unsure why you keep being friends with her. Just cut her off if you don’t want to continue.

In which case it really sounds like you have done all you can. Not all friendships are forever, we all grow up and change and it really sounds like you have outgrown this friendship. Someone else suggested starting a new WA group- this is a good suggestion. When she inevitably finds out and is upset, time for some brutal honesty.

i appreciate all the people who say they are autistic and dontyt behave that way, but it really is a spectrum. could be audhd, some of the traits can be found in people with adhd too and I am one of them.

maybe have a serious conversation with her. come at it with empathy and concern and not accusatory, im not saying you were accusatory but a lot of ND people are very sensitive to criticism. just an idea before you end a long standing friendship.

Blimey, I would have faded this friendship out long ago, I just would have no patience for all her nonsense.

I think I would just block her this point. Maybe she’s mentally unstable rather than autistic?

I completely agree with this.
Sounds like it’s just gone undiagnosed.
No one without difficulties surely would be doing some of the things you’ve mentioned?!
I feel sorry for her; it sounds like she’s got some unaddressed need. People who parent children with SEN often develop a radar, so I’m not surprised the new friends clocked her.

I've known autistic people like her (ex school friend who I recently stopped being friends with in our mid-30s for similar reasons to the OP). It's like they struggle with social cues and what is appropriate and can come across as extremely immature. It becomes more obvious as people get older yet they seem to be stuck in their immature teenage years.

I know autistic people can be wildly different in terms of behaviour but just because you're autistic and are not like that doesn't mean that this person could also not be autistic.

Of course she could have something else going on entirely but I would bet money she is not neurotypical.

No. This is just people on mumsnet tying themselves in knots to diagnose people. Some people are just immature and annoying. People on mumsnet are very quick to blame bad behaviour on autism

I know you say she hasn't got any learning difficulties but it really does sound as if she has something non-standard going on, although I wouldn't like to guess what. This isn't just immaturity, it's really not normal.

That said, you aren't the doctor, and it would really have to be something very very debilitating for me to want to move on after she made such light of someone needing further checks after a smear test, or pretending something awful had happened on the phone as a stupid practical joke. Ruining a funeral is up there too. I don't think I could cope with this level of total shithousery.

Bet she flounces! And accuses you of being mean to her
True knobby behaviour right there

Is she on something?

You personally might not behave like this but a lot of her behaviours are ones that are associated with autism like repetitive behaviour, being rigid about wants and expectations, inability to read social cues, struggles at work and struggles with relationships.