Patience going with immature friend

Are you sure she doesn't have a special need? It sounds like she's undiagnosed. Very interesting how she still lives at home and has tantrums about not being able to cut into a cake at a funeral. It sounds like she can't self regulate. Surely she doesn't actively want to offend? Or do you think she has remained infantalised by remaining at home?

Am actually more annoyed by their enablers!
”how dare you not put up with demanding selfishness!? How unkind not to put these me centric demanding prima Donnas before you and anyone else! Don’t you know nothing matters but them?!”

Sounds like she’s jealous that everyone else has progressed in her life and she hasn’t. So she constantly tries to belittle you all and also to relive a time when you were all equal and she was the fun one. And she’s got some weird hang-up that stops her progressing.

But you are under zero obligation to be friends with someone you don’t like.

I was thinking this, but be aware that there's a big difference between 'learning difficulties' and autism. Some of us are highly intelligent. She is definitely lacking in social awareness. I will say this though, just have a straight conversation with her and be as kind as you can. ND people value straight talking, personal experience - I would have more respect for a person who told me straight "I don't like you" than I would ever have for someone who puts up with me because it's the 'polite' thing to do.
Chances are that she acts the fool because she is desperately trying to be the 'crazy, funny friend'. And chances are she knows how everyone feels about her but the thought of not having 'friends' around is scary and society expects us to have friends and so you coexist in this really uncomfortable state. In the end it comes down to whether or not you want to invest in the person or not. I will tell you this though, ND people will die for you, whilst I wouldn't say the same about NT people (again from personal experience).

yeah no one has to put up with shit like that. Being neurodivergent isn't an excuse.

@Spaghettihoops2026

You & your friends must have incredible patience to have put up with this immature, ridiculous shit for so long - I'd have snapped, big-time, by now! If she has no neuro diversity & you've already plainly told her how you feel, then I'd just be done with her & cut her out. Swift, clean, final. Feel no guilt.

No, it doesn’t.

You may not be.
I'm not and I'm ND too but some people just are.
We are all different and our brains are different.
She does sound like she has a screw loose

Sounds like she's not all there..

Are sure she hasn't got LDs? She certainly lacks a filter, social skills, emotional intelligence and by the sounds of things any actual intelligence.

Ugghh…if there is one thing I cannot bear it is immature adults, both male and female. I recognise so much of that behaviour OP. Often, immature people were spoiled as kids. Ditch them. Life is too short.

Honestly, OP, just block her. She is a drain and a complete pain in the arse. I have no idea how you have tolerated her nonsense for so long. Poking the waiter?! I'm amazed she wasn't kicked out.

So am I, and don’t act like this either. We all present differently. If you’ve met one person with autism you’ve met one person with autism. The point was that missing social cues can often be a tell tale sign, as mentioned upthread. Not every autistic person will act the exact same way as you.

I'm autistic ... the getting up and smoking is the only thing I relate to, id rather die than phone anyone asking for help let alone 3 in the morning and defo wouldn't be going out in large friendship groups .... ran away a long time ago from all that. I'm inappropriate though, have zero filter, but not in a poking waiter kind of way, or in a rude way like ur mate, it's just not like that

To be fair the person who sent the text is the awful one foreign do fucking judgemental

@Spaghettihoops2026

It’s ran it course, OP, let her go and move on. You won’t regret it.

So many armchair therapists and psychologists on here. If OP and her friends have had 20 years of this she's not going to change so does it really matter? . How many women post on here about husbands and partners who haven't grown up and behave as though they are still in their 20s? I don't see their behaviours being analysed in this way. Most people comment that he's a knobhead and advise ltb.

I had a friend who had a job, flat, relationships but despised anyone she felt was too socially conforming. It was her 'thing' and how she saw herself. Fine as an affectation when we were in our 20's and had few responsibilities but not so much when everyone around her was moving on with their lives. Saying we weren't going out because we were saving resulted in - you're so boring, what happened to you, comments about selling out and abandoning principles. I could go on. Her parents didn't help matters. Why grow up if you don't have to?
The car incident - On her 35th birthday she phoned me, crying so much I thought someone had died. Nope, her dad had bought the wrong car. She'd been dropping hints and he bought the wrong one.
The gig incident - I bought expensive tickets for DP's 40th birthday. All I got was crying and complaints about why she wasn't included, was he controlling me and how he was trying to break up our friendship. No, I had the audacity to buy my partner a birthday present that only involved me and him.
Sometimes people, even women, can just be annoying as fuck. You will find it incredibly cathartic if you reduce contact @Spaghettihoops2026

Backactcha.

MNers tendency to attribute all kinds of arseholery to ND (and “diagnose” NPD at the drop of a hat) - doesn’t disaffirm its possibility here.

I well agree ND doesn’t make you unpleasant, and many can be very sensitive kind people, but you can certainly be both ND and obnoxious.

I wouldn’t even describe poking a waiter and demanding cake at a funeral at her age obnoxious it sounds disinhibited and disregulated.

I don’t agree there is more evidence pointing away than towards, her reaction to feedback and general lack of self-insight is a case in point.

Oh get over yourself. There is more evidence pointing away from this that toward it especially her reaction to feedback. And labelling everything as because of ND is a very common MN knee jerk reaction and its just wrong. ND conditions are not mental health problems.

While ND may explain some of this presentation, nothing else the OP has said suggests this whereas there is a lot of information that suggests this woman has been indulged, sheltered and spoiled. Autism, ADHD and the like do not necessarily make you unkind - some of the most considerate people I have met have been ND clients. It may have been harder for them to learn how to be that way, or they may conceptualize it differently to NTs and have some blind spots, but being nasty and immature is not a given. Not everything has to be pathologized. Labelling it as having to be because of a condition is very rude to people with that condition.

If it’s down to neurodevelopmental disorders it’s not going to pass. Some serious mental illness is lifelong - if may ebb and flow but it’s not actually curable.

It’s concerning that someone who claims to work in mental health is jumping to such knee-jerk superficial conclusions on a forum.

We really have no idea what is behind this anti-social behaviour. It may be a general obnoxiousness. But the patterns are marked and strange enough to think it may be something deeper.

It sounds to me like someone who has a poor theory of mind which forms the basis for empathy and effective communication, very poor social skills and awareness of social boundaries.

It sounds to me like someone who has a poor theory of mind which forms the basis for empathy and effective communication, very poor social skills and awareness of social boundaries.

This is so bizarre, I’d get a feel from the other friends in the group if they’d be happy to leave the friendship behind and maybe just stop inviting her to things. It sounds mean but what other option do you have?

Having worked in MH for 25 years I am quite aware that people with MH problems can have difficult and obnoxious behaviours. But if it is a result of their MH, it generally passes when they are better. If it is more persistent, it is not because of their MH but because of their personality and the conscious choices they are making. 10 years working on locked psych wards put me in the front line of some very challenging people. But many many more who were the loveliest people I have ever met.

It pisses me off when people jump to explaining insensitive practical jokes as MH problems - I feel the same when all violent acts are immediately labelled as MH. Its disrespectful in the extreme to people who have those problems. Sometimes people just do bad things. Or are spoiled and rude. Everything the OP has explained points to the latter.