Are female friendship groups worth the hassle?

Bababear987 · 2026-01-06T10:14:23+00:00

Does anyone else feel so confused in adult friendship groups? I can make friends easily enough but I find so many people have unwritten rules of friendships or expectations that I just dont understand and often cant meet. I often have a different take on a conversation or peoples actions than everyone else does. I find other people often over analyse situations and i take them at their word. Other people want to bitch and 'have it out' whereas I want a nice simple supportive group and think we can talk through any issues that crop up. This seems to mostly be a problem in groups, with individuals I'm fine and have a lot of individual friendships lasting 5-20years. I'm waffling a bit but i think what I'm asking is about female group friendships, is there always drama and falling out eventually? And why cant we talk things out and ACTUALLY move on? Why does someone always want to go in circles talking about issues we agreed to move on from? Why cant it be accepted that people have different ways of communicating and different life experiences? I'm not talking serious issues, its things like; one friend not liking pictures in the group chat, someone not replying within the right time, someone reading msgs instantly but not replying for hours/days etc then it blows up repeatedly To add we are all in our 30s with very young kids and work so busy. So AIBU to think that females group friendships always come with drama/angst?

RestartingForNY · 06/01/2026 20:16

My female friendship groups are my rock.

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 20:11

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2026 17:24

The comments aren’t though, so thiose voting are not wanting to own it, which suggests they may not be kosher.

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Well I'd say the comments are fairly even. But people voting and not commenting means absolutely nothing on a forum where they cant be identified anyways. you dont need to comment on every poll.

OP posts:

Icanflyhigh · 06/01/2026 18:44

noidea69 · 06/01/2026 10:20

"I'm not talking serious issues, its things like; one friend not liking pictures in the group chat, someone not replying within the right time, someone reading msgs instantly but not replying for hours/days etc then it blows up repeatedly"

This sounds utterly horrendous as a group of adults, are you all policing who has liked what pictures, you all need to grow the fuck up.

In a group of 6 of us there is one who does just this - will become passive aggressive if we don't all like her latest picture as soon as we're online, it's annoying as hell, and yes - she needs to grow the fuck up!

RecordBreakers · 06/01/2026 18:02

Like most people on this thread, this isn't my experience at all.

If there's this much drama then this probably isn't the group for you.

I was chatting with my God daughter a couple of months ago, about the pre (then post!) natal group she is in. She rolls her eyes at a lot of what is said in the WhatsApp, or even when they meet up, but is sensible enough to have grasped that it has been a real help for her to be in touch with others who have new babies at the same time as her for baby related stuff , but, just because they are a bunch of women who happened to have a baby at the same time, doesn't mean they are all going to bond as life long friends.

It is the same with colleagues, or team mates in a sports team. Very, very normal to 'get on with' everyone, and yet, most likely, when that time has passed, to remain friends with either none of them, or to just gel with one particular person with whom you do become friends.

Just use the WhatsApp for information (if you need to be in the group) or leave the group. You can't extrapolate that all female groups are like this, from this one group.

CandlelitKitchen · 06/01/2026 17:32

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 16:42

Thing is the results are almost 50:50 so some people do agree and have obviously experienced difficult female friendship groups.
Sometimes stereotypes can be true and arise for a reason whether that is an individuals experience or not.

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So this isn't just a casual observation about your group.

It's a concerted effort on your part to rubbish womens' relationships.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2026 17:24

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 16:42

Thing is the results are almost 50:50 so some people do agree and have obviously experienced difficult female friendship groups.
Sometimes stereotypes can be true and arise for a reason whether that is an individuals experience or not.

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The comments aren’t though, so thiose voting are not wanting to own it, which suggests they may not be kosher.

Pomegranatecarnage · 06/01/2026 17:08

I am on my third friendship group since my early 20s. This one has lasted 16 years so far and I think we will be friends for life! At last I have a group of friends who bring me only joy, laughter and support. We never argue and totally have each other’s backs. There are 7 of us. I am grateful everyday for them.
My first two groups I extricated myself from due to too much drama, main character syndrome, competitive behaviour and gossip.

BlackCat14 · 06/01/2026 17:04

Beautifulhaiku · 06/01/2026 16:57

Sometimes it's better to blow off steam with a little 'side chat' - no harm done!

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Couldn’t agree more, and it’s hardly nasty bitching like “omg isn’t Emily’s new hair cut VILE” it’s just “oo I wonder why we weren’t invited out for that dinner!” It’s better to just side chat with another friend than turn it into a huge palava!!

Beautifulhaiku · 06/01/2026 16:57

BlackCat14 · 06/01/2026 11:06

Call it whatever, we’re generally a happy group with lots of love 🥰

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Sometimes it's better to blow off steam with a little 'side chat' - no harm done!

Beautifulhaiku · 06/01/2026 16:54

5128gap · 06/01/2026 10:44

My female friends are one of the joys of my life. We're people, with flaws, so obviously at times we make mistakes and cause upset, or behave in ways others find irritating. But as with any relationship, if the good outweighs the bad, you excercise a little tolerance, see the big picture, and appreciate that they're doing the same for you.
I think people can expect a very high bar from their friendships with women. Because we tend to want support and connection we'd never dream of expecting a male friend to provide.
And with this goes with a deeper knowledge of who the woman is, warts and all. So naturally you're going to uncover some things that are less than ideal in her personality, as she will in yours.
The best friendships focus on the good and don't dwell on the flaws. And if you can't because the flaws are too great to handle, you find new friends. After all, there's plenty of us, with a hugely diverse range of personalities, so unless you're impossible to please, you should be able to find a fit.

Love this answer. I have a couple of different long term female friendship groups, and I'm sure there are things we all find annoying about each other sometimes, but we allow each other some grace and the benefit of the doubt - which I very much appreciate as one of the people who gets easily overwhelmed in terms of remembering to 'like' shared photos and sometimes doesn't reply for a while. As a result there are very few upsets, especially now we're in our 30s/40s.

AllIdoistidyup · 06/01/2026 16:47

YANBU. I have 4 or 5 close friends and they've only met at my wedding.

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 16:42

CandlelitKitchen · 06/01/2026 16:03

"Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups"

Well that's just rubbish isn't it? Never seen blokes fighting in a pub/club/street/at the football?

For someone who openly states that it might be just your group having passed their sell by date you are VERY keen to keep banging away with the 'this doesn't happen in male groups' and 'women are drama' message.

Give it up already. Is this anti feminist/woman propaganda? There's plenty of that on here.

Barely anyone here agrees with you.

Thing is the results are almost 50:50 so some people do agree and have obviously experienced difficult female friendship groups.
Sometimes stereotypes can be true and arise for a reason whether that is an individuals experience or not.

OP posts:

MyMilchick · 06/01/2026 16:33

still friends with my 3 school BFFs, 30+ years, no dramas, just love and support

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 16:32

Ncchange · 06/01/2026 16:10

HNRTFT but I definitely think that the reason I have about 15-20 good friends that I have known from 5-55years and never fallen out with is because they don’t know each other ! They might be acquainted with each other but are not friends with each other.
My bestie I have known since 1990 and she doesn’t know any of my other friends.
Edit to say I avoid Whatapp groups at all costs!

Edited

Yes this is probably it, I think I've learnt a lesson to avoid watsapp groups

OP posts:

SqueakyDoor · 06/01/2026 16:21

NAWALT
(Not All Women Are Like This)

Ncchange · 06/01/2026 16:10

HNRTFT but I definitely think that the reason I have about 15-20 good friends that I have known from 5-55years and never fallen out with is because they don’t know each other ! They might be acquainted with each other but are not friends with each other.
My bestie I have known since 1990 and she doesn’t know any of my other friends.
Edit to say I avoid Whatapp groups at all costs!

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2026 16:08

CandlelitKitchen · 06/01/2026 16:03

"Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups"

Well that's just rubbish isn't it? Never seen blokes fighting in a pub/club/street/at the football?

For someone who openly states that it might be just your group having passed their sell by date you are VERY keen to keep banging away with the 'this doesn't happen in male groups' and 'women are drama' message.

Give it up already. Is this anti feminist/woman propaganda? There's plenty of that on here.

Barely anyone here agrees with you.

Indeed. If we’re negatively stereotyping, one would say that the reason it doesn’t happen in male groups, is because they don’t bother with small bits of nonsense, they go full on - so fights, ghosting, no effort etc

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2026 16:05

lol, no, not my experience whatsoever. And I’ve been in very many female friendship groups. Your op was as if that was the norm. No, of course it’s not. Don’t stereotype, just find normal friends.

CandlelitKitchen · 06/01/2026 16:03

"Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups"

Well that's just rubbish isn't it? Never seen blokes fighting in a pub/club/street/at the football?

For someone who openly states that it might be just your group having passed their sell by date you are VERY keen to keep banging away with the 'this doesn't happen in male groups' and 'women are drama' message.

Give it up already. Is this anti feminist/woman propaganda? There's plenty of that on here.

Barely anyone here agrees with you.

Mary46 · 06/01/2026 16:00

My daughter said 3 works well (a college group of 5). I prefer small groups or meet one to one. Less drama.

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 15:59

5128gap · 06/01/2026 15:47

If you've never experienced it in other friendships, why do you suddenly think its the norm for female friendships? Also, have you ever been part of a close supportive group of men to make the comparison?
My women friends are not like this. And if they started to be, I'd just explain that I'm not always a speedy responder. If they fell out with me over it, then that would be a weird trait of that group, and I'd think it was a bad fit for me.

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Christ I dont think it's the norm obviously or I wouldnt be posting, but it does seem that larger groups of females come with more drama.

No I haven't experienced being in a group of men however I'm not a man so the dynamics are different, arent they? Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups however I've found my female friends and friends of friends generally have more issues where people get upset and offended over things.

OP posts:

DysmalRadius · 06/01/2026 15:52

I cannot begin to imagine a situation in which I or any of my friends would entertain a complaint about liking photos etc.

I think that would have been the first sign that this wasn't the friendship group for me if I knew one or more members were not only paying attention to such petty shit but actually thought it was something they could or should bring up to others!

If you continue friendships with people that generate this kind of drama, then you've only got yourself to blame.

5128gap · 06/01/2026 15:47

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 15:35

I'm just home, I dont sit on MN all day.

Essentially I have one group of friends I've known from high school and then different individual friends I've met through uni, work etc weve had disagreements but moved on. Some of these friends are abroad and some close by.

I met a really lovely new group of friends but over the last year I've found the relationship to be intense. We became friends in our 30s, meet up a lot and are a real mix of people with different backgrounds and life experiences. I dont care about liking photos, replying within time frames etc but this seems to be a major part of what's causing the issues. I've personally never heard of men being like this and have never experienced it in other friendships.

If you've never experienced it in other friendships, why do you suddenly think its the norm for female friendships? Also, have you ever been part of a close supportive group of men to make the comparison?
My women friends are not like this. And if they started to be, I'd just explain that I'm not always a speedy responder. If they fell out with me over it, then that would be a weird trait of that group, and I'd think it was a bad fit for me.

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 15:41

CandlelitKitchen · 06/01/2026 15:39

OP, you've either chosen the wrong friends or they were the right friends for the moment which has now passed and it's time to move on.

Don't blame women for this.

I suspect they were the right friends for the moment but it's now passed

OP posts:

Original poster

Bababear987 · 06/01/2026 15:40

NerrSnerr · 06/01/2026 14:51

There is no drama here. I couldn’t tell you who likes what photos in a group chat and if someone doesn’t reply they’re probably busy or preoccupied.

I agree with pp, that it’s the same we the school gate drama, if there’s often a problem then maybe you’re the problem?

So I'm not the person that notices and keeps track of who's liking stuff, it's some of the other girls, I've never experienced this in any of my other friendships and have friends who I can go weeks or months without speaking to whereas I'm expected to reply in this group asap and like every photo etc but I've a young family and work and cant meet those expectations.

OP posts: