Is your family shrinking?

I am an only child and DH one of two.

Growing up I felt very much in the minority. Lots of families around with 3 or 4. We have three kids and people describe us as a big family!

The vast majority of our friends have two kids, several with just one, a few with three, and only a couple with 4 (and those have twins and/or big gaps in age). So yes, I think generally families are getting smaller.

Yes, massively! I have over 50 first cousins. My DC have 2.

Yep although i think still reasonably big by today’s standard. My parents are one of 5 and 8 and each auntie/uncle has 2/3 kids so I’ve loads of cousins! I’m one of 3 and husband is 1 of 2. On his side DC have 2 cousins, my side currently 2 but youngest sibling will likely have 2 or 3 and I’m pregnant with DC2 hoping to have DC3 in a couple of years so potentially 8 cousins in total one side and 5 on the other

I have 1 sibling and 5 cousins on one side, 4 on the other.
My DD is an only child with 1 cousin on my side, 2 on her dads side (her dad is one of 4 siblings).
We also have large generation gaps. So she has only ever had 3 grandparents (one of whom is in a nursing home with no capacity).

So definitely a shrinking family.

TW: mention of pregnancy termination (I know some people hate trigger warnings, but I don’t want someone else to be hurt).

My family is down to nothing, sadly.

My grandparents raised me and I lost them in 2019 and 2020. I’ll never feel 100% complete again. My father spent all their inheritance, developed depression when the money ran out, and drank himself to death. We were estranged, because he was abusive to both me and my mum, but he’s the one who actually disowned me (because my first husband was a different race!). I have no siblings, because part of that abuse was forcing my mum to abort what would have been my siblings (I’m only here because she ran to her parents until it was too late for an abortion).

My mum was not mentally well enough to take care of me and is now on Lithium, which has helped a lot. She’s remarried with a lovely husband, but stepchildren who hate her. No cousins on my father’s side. Lots of cousins on my mother’s side but I don’t know them. I had a lovely, lovely second cousin who was more like an uncle, but he died of poor mental health (sexually abused while in the military) and diabetes complications in 2017. He was such a huge part of me growing up, and such a big personality, with his wild hair. He couldn’t stand being hugged so he’d always shake my hand, even when I was a 5 year old, and I loved it - I thought I was a grown up 😂 .

I would have loved to have children but genetically disabled, which is part of why my first marriage broke up. I so wish I could have had children before I was too sick and it was too late, but so glad I found out about my genetic conditions before passing them on.

My mum’s whole family are in Utah and Mormon, which I’m not. My mum loves me, and she texts, but we’re 3000 miles apart. However, I do know she would come all this way if I said I needed her, so I’m still very, very fortunate that I have someone. And my stepfather had encouraged me to call him Dad if I want to, which is very kind of him. So many have no one. I also have an amazing found family made up of friends and my DH and our tortoise 😂 🐢 It seems like a joke, our little “baby” is only 80 grams, but she helps both me and DH when we get down in the mouth.

So… yes. My father was an only child, my grandfather was an only child, I’m an only child, I have no children, so there’s just no family. My family “line” will die out with me.

Ah, fuck. I started crying 😂 And yes, I’m in therapy, ha.

I have six first cousins, I'm one of three (as is DH who has three cousins)- and our children (3dc) have nine cousins. So our family is bucking the trend and getting larger.

I have my husband and my Uncle who is 96. I would need a very small table for a family reunion 😁

No, I’m and only child and don’t have many cousins. I do feel I missed out on family growing up and definitely feel it now so I didn’t want to have an only child myself, we have 2 DCs. DHs siblings have had DCs too so they have more cousins then I did too which is nice for them.

Yep, I'm one of 3 but DB and I have one child apiece close in age (both wanted bigger families but it didn't work out), and DSis is quite a bit younger than us but wants children. Step siblings are happily child-free by choice. I have a lot of cousins and most have 2 kids so we do still have family gatherings with lots of children around
It does make me a bit sad that the birth rate is falling and that our family is smaller but we are grateful for the kids we have. However, women do have more economic independence and agency than the generation before them and stopping at one or two kids probably does help with that - making a generalisation. I think they women were so much more bound by gender roles and social expectations in the 1970s and 1980s. I grieve not having a bigger family I also have hugely more freedom as a result...(Eg could leave an unhappy marriage if I needed to, can build a career etc)

Yes, definitely.

My maternal grandparents had five grandchildren and my paternal grandparents had eleven. My parents have four grandchildren and my husband's parents have two. So whereas I had ten cousins, my own children have just two. They may still get more, but only one or two max.

Family gatherings still feel busy and fun, but mostly because there is a real mix of generations and both sides of the family. When my parents, aunts and uncles are no longer with us I think things will feel very different.

I have 2 children but they have no cousins at all and wont have any now with the ages of the siblings. I had 8 cousins. It is sad that they wont know family get togethers of old that I had.

Not for me, I’ve always had a tiny family. No first cousins at all and only one uncle.

I have 4 dc. I have 2 older brothers who both have 4 kids each . my ds now has 5 dc so I have more children in my family than I’ve ever had 😆

Just FYI it isn’t childless when it is by choice, the term is child free. Childless has a negative connotation.

I had 21 cousins. My kids have none. So that would be a yes 😆

My parents were 1 of 6 and 1 of 11 respectively. DH and I are both 1 of 2 and neither of our siblings have, or will have, children.

Yes my dad was one of 7, I have 5 cousins, DC has no cousins

Not on my side. I’m one of two, I have 3 children my sister has 1 (plus 2 step children). My dad was 1 of 3, he obviously had 2, one of my uncles had 2 children (of whom 1 has 2 the other has 1), the other uncle had 4 (I lost touch with 2 of them when their mother took them away as very young children, a third died a few years ago now but she had Downs Syndrome and needed constant care, so no kids for her and the 4th I never really knew but believe she has multiple children). On my mums side all but one of her nieces and nephews have children now.

On my husbands side it’s definitely reduced. He was 1 of 3. We have our 3, 1 brother has 2, the other has 1. Out of my husbands cousins, only 2 had children.

Yes, looking at me and DH. Grandparents generation on the family tree are around 8 siblings on average, parents generation are around 4 or 5, my generation were 2 or 3 siblings and my generation have averaged 1.5 children each.

Yes, I have no children and neither do any of my siblings and we're all in our 40s. I would say in my social circle, only around a third have children.

Very much so - nana was one of 7, mum was one of 4, i am 1 of 2, both my sister and i have one each. I've got 11 cousins but DD only has 1. My partner is childless, my ex's new partner is childless, my sister's partner is childless, among the new partners and my ex husband there is only one sibling who has a single child, the rest are childless. I've got 3 close friends, one childless against her will, one sterilised and childless by choice and the other has an only like me.

I would have had 4 kids biology allowing but after the first knew i couldnt afford more.

No, but then I have no cousins anyway!

On my side no. I was an only. I had one cousin who was also an only. All of my side, except my cousin's 3yo (who lives with us now) are gone. But I have 4 children and my cousin had one so our side is technically bigger.

DH's side is shrinking but that's because MiL and FIL were one of 15 and 9. He has a ridiculous amount of cousins. A few have had bigger families, one of his cousins has 7 children, but nothing like 15 or 9!

I have 13 cousins and if my siblings have the number of kids they want my children will have about 7 cousins. DH only has 4 cousins though so actually his family is growing. I think we are unusual in that all our siblings are married and want children. But yes in general looking at my friends then families are shrinking.

I have one sibling and so does DH. We’ve all of us had two children each in a 6 year period. I’m happy for my kids that they have 4 cousins close in age. It’s a good number as they are all close. I think if you have too many cousins it’s difficult to be close to them all.

My husband only has one sibling and she’s not having children through choice so just our two on their side. We will probably have another though and my brother and sister currently have one each with plans to both have one or two more

Not really, my sisters have 3 kids between them, I have one. My husband’s siblings have 5 kids between them so dd has 8 cousins. Growing up I had 1 cousin.