Is your family shrinking?

Yes.

I have 10 children/ nieces/ nephews aged 17 to 34. Eight of the ten are 26-34. So far three are married, but only 1 has children (2 year old and newborn). I'd be surprised if any of the ten has a child this year.

My daughter didn't set out to have a child-free wedding but it was virtually child-free because so few of their friends / relatives have children.

On my Dad’s side, he was the bottle neck, after two generations were all but obliterated in WW1 and WW2. Our generation was slightly bigger. Not hard when he had no siblings or first cousins, but it also meant he was very close to his three second cousins, one of whom had four boys and has 15 grandchildren. On my Mum’s side, we were the smallest generation, as she had 4 siblings, but between them they only had 7 children, so averaging 1.4. Ours generation is averaging more than 2 children each. So not the large families that existed a couple of generations ago, but above replacement level.

I am one of 6 ( ages 59 to 78) we had 12 children between us and those 12 (ages 24 to 58) have 6 (ages 11 to 28) between them and then there is 1 child from that youngest layer age 2. DH and I have one child as our other child sadly died, his only sister never had children. My Mother having such a huge age gap between children has caused some weird generational age cross overs plus my very oldest siblings had children young. DS is the 24 year old, cousin closest in age to him is now 40. He knows his second cousins who are 25 and 28 far better. I hated being one of 6 it’s just too many.

No, and also we are closer. Growing up I had three cousins, two on my mum's side and one of my dad's, but because my parents were not close to their siblings, we saw very little of them. I haven't spoken to one set of cousins in more than a decade; the other one I do speak to from time to time but in a very vague 'happy birthday/congratulations on the baby' kind of way.

OTOH I have two brothers, both of whom have children, and we make sure our children see each other regularly. They all get on. I think this is important.

Very much so.

My parents were from families of seven and five kids. I have scores of first cousins.

I'm one of three, all now mid-late 40s. Only two children amongst the three of us.

This is an interesting thread, I've been having a bit of an existential crisis around this subject.

I'm an only child, and have one DS. He's in his 30s but for various reasons it's unlikely he and his current long term DP will have children. His F vanished when he was a toddler, and has been no contact, although I did find out DS probably has a half sibling, however, there's been no desire on either side to pursue a relationship.

I'm in my late 50s. Obviously my GPs are long gone, and in the last 5 years I've lost both parents and my last Uncle on my DFs side. I have 2 cousins on that side of a similar age, both of whom are childless.

Family estrangement dating back 30 years means although three cousins from my Mums side have children, we are not in contact.

I am now the oldest female in the family, but due to the awkward dynamics and various other factors, senior matriarch is a nominal role only.

Our only "family" gatherings are now funerals.

On the one hand, it is what it is and I'm pragmatic for the most part, but it's odd to realise our family history, such as it is, will die with my DS, and is somewhat in its death throes now.

It's oddly maudlin making, but just the way the cards have fallen. Effectively, my whole line will have ceased to exist in another 60 years or so......

I'm in my sixties now, and I'm a childfree only child of two only children. There isn't scope for it to shrink any further. I'm the last of the line of two families.

Our family is definitely getting far smaller.

I was 1 of 3 as was DH. We have a young DS who has only 1 cousin who is now an adult. There will be no more children for me/DH or any of the 4 siblings between us.

My grandfather on my mother’s side was 1 of 7 and had literally dozens of cousins. In 3 generations that has reduced right down to my DS with 1 cousin.

We were also older parents which means that when DS is 30/40 he may have only 1 living close relative which will be a cousin of around 50/60. Hopefully he has started his own family by then.

The one major upside of this is financial for those who are in the smaller generation. My DS will inherit huge sums at an early age as not only will he get his parents assets relatively early on, he also has aunts/uncles with properties and other assets who are already retired and have no children of their own so will be leaving everything to him.

He’ll have a very different life and opportunities than we have experienced which I’m pleased about.

Due to special needs my children won’t be having any kids, so I will never be a grandmother, which doesn’t really bother me. My sister is grandmother to one boy. Some of my cousins children have no kids so it is shrinking.

I have 2 cousins. I'm 42, and one is around 51 so that was too big an age gap for us as children. I barely saw her anyway. My other cousin was born when I was nearly 15 so that was far too big an age gap. She's nearly 27 and is still like a teenager so we've never been close either. My 18 year old reckons she's on a level wil my nearly 15 year old.

My kids have 4 cousins who are 20, 18, 16 and 14, so They have more cousins who are closer in age than I had, but fewer than their dad who has 10. His parents are/were Catholic with 4 siblings. My parents only had one sibling each.

Not really, my parents had one and two siblings respectively and had two children. I have three cousins and both me and my sibling have had two children each. My husband’s family is huge, there are 6 cousins for my children although two of his siblings don’t have children at all. I do see a trend for people having less children though, single child families appear more common than when I was a kid, and people have 3+ children is much rarer than it was when I was younger.

Yes, my kids are growing up without cousins. The other thing I've noticed is we're now the center of attention over Christmas because everyone wants to spend it with them. It's lovely in some ways and overwhelming in others!

I think I hold the world record for first cousins with 71 (huge Irish families, mum was one of 15 kids and Dad was one of 8). I'm still incredibly close to some of them.
However my own 3DC have just 3 cousins. 2 from my sister and one on DHs side. They aren't particularly close to them either.

I have 18 first cousins but my DD will only have one or two maximum. It does make me sad but not much we can do about it. I can only have one child due to health reasons sadly. I loved having a big family growing up.

Yes - every generation has had fewer children. I have two siblings and both of them have chosen not to have children. Of my closest set of cousins, two of three have chosen the same.

I hope not. I have 2 siblings but also only have 2 cousins so my family is quite small already! Both parents are one of two and my mum’s only sibling had no children.

DH has 7 cousins but we only have a relationship really with one of them - 2 live in America, one is dead, 1 is an awful person, 1 isn’t really interested and the final one we have maybe seen 3 times in the last 8 years.

Only one of my brothers has children however we are all aged 27-35 so there is time for us all. I want at least one and am TTC this year and I know my other brother and one of my other cousins wants kids too. My other cousin is a bit of an enigma all round so it’s hard to say!

BILs current partner is one of those militant anti children people that are quite insufferable (nothing wrong with being child free but she openly HATES children). We are hoping they’ll split up eventually!

Yes. My mother had seven siblings, she had three children. Two of her siblings had five each, one three, two had two, one had one, one had none. But the real difference is the next (my) generation families. 21 cousins have produced only 17 children. If you take in the amount of partners (so 42) that’s less than half the previous generation.

Yes, I have 8 cousins, my kids have 1.

Yes. I have many cousins. My children have a few.

Yes. I am one of four, and two of us have two children. On the other side, there are five (blended family) and three of them have children, again will be two only. So two cousins on one side and four on the other. I had 15 cousins on my mums side alone.

I personally find two enough with working full time, I am past the baby stage where I might have considered another, and life was already precarious ten years ago. But the cost of living and climate change might be putting me off if I was considering children now.

Yes and it’s really sad. Means next generation once me & my one gone will have no family. Does really worry me as life is hard and having your own tribe is so important (even if families are usually imperfect). It’ll be lonely and nothing bears having relatives you can lean on or be there for.

I am an only child (in my 50s) of now deceased parents and only have one aunt (by marriage) left. Her DDs are obviously my first cousins but they don’t live close. I was close to a cousin on the other side of my family but she died 10 years ago and so I see no-one from that side now.

My mum had countless first cousins because her mum was 1 of 10 children. She was quite close to a few of them. My dad only bothered w his siblings. Most gave now passed away although I did know a few quite well growing up.

Now we have two DC, and DH’s brother has two DC - all in their 20s. Only one is in a serious relationship and could possibly have a child in the next 5 or so years. We know her boyf well, he’s great and he’s part of the (small) family. DH also has some cousins he’s close to and DD especially gets on with them. Idk if DC will have kids. DD is gay although does want children (said for years she didn’t but bio click is now ticking). DS Will hopefully too but he’s only v early 20s so I’ve not expecting anything for 10 years. dH’s parents have also passed away.

i think the gap between children and grandparents will be much bigger as I am unlikely to become a GP until my mid to late 60s and DH will be pushing 70 (I had DC at 30 and 32). Hoping to still be alive as I have a few medical issues which aren’t easy to control.

Yes, very much so.
By choice.

Yes definitely. I have 36 cousins in total. I’m one of 6, 4 of us have had dc. My parents have 8 dgc and won’t have any more (unless a very unlikely surprise). My dh has 1 nephew so my dc have 8 cousins.

Absolutely!
my mum is one of 10 and my dad one of 11. Aunts and uncles probably averaged 3/4 kids each but huge age span between them. Aunties younger than nephews etc.
Of my cerca 60 first cousins, probably average 2 kids although many have no kids and I have 3 first cousins out of those (ages 30-40s) with 6 kids each.
Next generation, so my nieces and nephews, first cousins kids, are having less children and having them later in life. Lots are in their 30s with no children whereas generation above, some were grandparents in their 30s.
Of my 6 nieces and nephews over mid 20s in age, only one has just had a baby in their late 30s. I don't honestly think any of the others ever will. They have different lives and priorities.