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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is your family shrinking?

234 replies

sunshine244 · 06/01/2026 07:54

I know there's a trend for people to have fewer kids currently, and am curious is others are finding similar patterns.

My kids only have one cousin despite them having 4 sets of aunts and uncles in their 40s. There's not likely to be any more children due to circumstances/age.

My own 6 cousins (40s-50s) have only had 4 children in total, and again it is unlikely there will be more.

Family gatherings are a lot quieter than when I was a child!

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 06/01/2026 09:20

Another one from a HUGE Irish family. Tonnes of siblings, about 60+ cousins. But yes we are all having way smaller families - which is a good thing!!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/01/2026 09:20

Yes, very much.
My parents born 1949/50 came from a family of 11 children, 20 Aunts/uncles. I have close to 50 cousins between both parents.
My parents had 5 children. We have 1&2 child families. The next generation will be lonely.
I see a lot of my cousins at weddings, funerals. Our children don’t know each other so no bond there. I’ve great memories of being around a lot of family.
As siblings we’re close, the 7 cousins are close, 3 on DH side also close bond.

MossAndLeaves · 06/01/2026 09:19

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 06/01/2026 08:15

Just FYI it isn’t childless when it is by choice, the term is child free. Childless has a negative connotation.

Sounds a bit silly, child free makes it sound like children are some disease to be avoided 😂
If someone doesn't want children they aren't going to be offended at childless.
Its the same common suffix as selfless, speechless, homeless, careless, fearless, just basic english.

SarahAndQuack · 06/01/2026 09:14

LBFseBrom · 06/01/2026 08:58

This happens every so often. I have just had my 76th birthday and remember people deciding to have less children, sometimes none, way back; then later on started settling down later and consequently having less, or none. There seemed to be subtle encouragement for this trend, eg some popular television programmes featured married couples without children, 'The Good Life' for example. The feminist movement too, which I fully supported. Women were always worth more than being housewives and mothers.

Meanwhile there were also people who had more than two children.

It all balances out eventually, I wouldn't worry.

Some families seem to be thinner on the ground, others don't.

I grew up with a mother who was the youngest of ten, my dad had two younger siblings. I had loads of cousins but they all drifted away. Most have died now, their kids have scattered. My son (46) doesn't know any now, it doesn't worry him, he has plenty of friends and a good social life. I only had one child but had intended to have more, other things intervened and I don't regret it, we were happy but sometimes I think it is sad that, for all intents and purposes, when I am gone he'll have nobody of his own flesh and blood that he knows. He doesn't seem bothered, has plenty going on in his life.

That's just how it is, nothing we can do about it. In a few years life will be different for everyone, there will be another trend.

Family gatherings aren't always wonderful, we tend to look back with rose-tinted specs, forgetting the stresses and the arguments.

No, there genuinely is a big, measurable trend here.

Saisong · 06/01/2026 09:14

Surprisingly my family is bucking the trend. I have 4 siblings and 6 cousins, DH 3 siblings and 3 cousins. My 2 kids have 13 direct cousins, with potentially more on the cards - incredibly their ages range from 40 to 10 months! This means there is now 13 more in the next generation (I can never remember if that's second cousins or once removed).

My mother has 24 direct descendants (plus various spouses) in 3 generations - whole family get-togethers are now almost impossible!

SugarCoatSandwich · 06/01/2026 09:13

Definitely.

People might blame cost of living but we should remember the costs we expect now are different to when we were kids. Standard stuff now is swimming lessons, cars, soft play etc but as kids we didn't have weekly lessons and softplay was a birthday treat. Instead we were chucked out onto the green to play all afternoon and ate whatever junk we foraged from eachothers houses when we were hungry - there was no expectation our parents would prepare a healthy snack.

So effort to raise a child has increased in conjunction with people remembering the sibling squabbles they had and that kids are actually hard work so just opting out.

Between me and DH, we have 3 siblings (so our parents raised 5 kids). The 5 of us are raising 2 kids. There are 2 only children and 2 are childfree by choice siblings.

autumnskyes · 06/01/2026 09:13

I have two brothers, and 9 cousins. 8 of us cousins were all born within 5 years of each other and grew up spending a lot of time together,

Now days, my boys have 4 cousins, and none of them live in the same country as us. So no big family get togethers like I had growing up, which I find a bit sad.

They do see the children of my husbands cousins a bit - I guess that is like 2nd cousins? Although the cousins children call me and my husband "Aunty and Uncle", and the kids refer to each other just as cousins. There is 8 of those cousins.

Of my brothers and cousins - 2 didn't want children, 3 couldn't have them for various reasons. In total from 12 people of my generation in my family - we have produced 14 of the next generation!

PoachedCloud · 06/01/2026 09:11

Yes. I am one of a group of 9 cousins born in 1950's to 1960's. We 9 cousins had 14 children (3 had no children) but those 14 have, to date, only had 3 children.

WhatAreYouDoingSundayBaby · 06/01/2026 09:11

Mine hasn't really changed size but it feels very much closer now.

I have 4 cousins, but they are all a bit older than me so we were never close growing up, and haven't been in adulthood either. Our parents weren't close to their respective brothers (fathers of my cousins) so we didn't have big family Christmases really, our grandparents used to alternate between us rather than us all coming together.

In comparison, my sister and I are very close and have children only 18 moths apart, and I have number 2 on the way. I expect my sister will also have another at some point. Our children are close and we do lots together as a whole family, including our parents and husbands, so it definitely has more of a big family vibe than when I was growing up, despite actually being a very similar size.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/01/2026 09:08

No, I use the Wool Programme which uses a lower temperature and gentler drum movements with minimal agitation. We did lose Eddy the Sock last year but other than that the family is the same size as it was before - with no shrinking.

TorroFerney · 06/01/2026 09:07

I’m an only husband is an only and we only have one child. It’s excellent, hardly any family to visit, I had loads of aunts uncles cousins and I hated having to visit every bloody weekend. Much better to be able to choose nice people to visit. Obviously it is not had a majorly dysfunctional family I may feel differently!

KimberleyClark · 06/01/2026 09:05

I have one sibling, he has one child. I couldn’t have children. DH is an only. So yes, OP.

GallonHat · 06/01/2026 09:05

Yes. Contraception is a wonderful thing. Turns out that people actually don't want loads of kids, if you give them the choice.

blackberryhill · 06/01/2026 09:05

My son has broadly the same size of family I did - two aunts (one on each side) and two cousins (both on the same side) plus all four grandparents and a number of great grandparents still on the go. My husband has a lot more family than I do (five aunts, 12 cousins), although he's not close to any of them.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 06/01/2026 09:05

My dad was one of six and my mum was one of four. Of their generation:

  • Four had none
  • One had four
  • One had three
  • Two had one
  • Two had two

Discounting the overlap between my mum and dad, that's 8 descendents from 10 people.

Of those 8, there are:

  • Three with none (one only 22 though)
  • One with three
  • Two with one
  • Two with two

So six descendents (this far) from ten grandparents. But that doesn't seem that far wrong when the first generation were boomers, and include one disabled woman who couldn't have children.

WanderlustMom · 06/01/2026 09:03

Growing up I had (and still have) 4 cousins in total. My mom is an only child so none on her side, and my dad’s sisters had two kids each. So far I have one son and a daughter due any day now - I have 4 siblings so the liklehood of there being more cousins is high :) however none of them are anywhere near ready for kids so it’ll be a while yet!

CrocsNotDocs · 06/01/2026 09:02

Yea. I have 3 cousins. DH has 50 cousins. Our 3 children have no cousins and will never have any.

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 06/01/2026 09:01

My family is shrinking with several bereavements in just a few years. My parents had 6 siblings between them, 4 did not have DC and the 2 that did were shit parents and estranged from their DC so I’m not close to my cousins. My DH is an only child, and his dad too. I have two DC plus a niece and nephew. We have lost one parent. I miss Christmas in the past with grandparents and aunts and uncles.

Genevieva · 06/01/2026 09:00

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/01/2026 08:53

I am one of 6 ( ages 59 to 78) we had 12 children between us and those 12 (ages 24 to 58) have 6 (ages 11 to 28) between them and then there is 1 child from that youngest layer age 2. DH and I have one child as our other child sadly died, his only sister never had children. My Mother having such a huge age gap between children has caused some weird generational age cross overs plus my very oldest siblings had children young. DS is the 24 year old, cousin closest in age to him is now 40. He knows his second cousins who are 25 and 28 far better. I hated being one of 6 it’s just too many.

In our family we count the child who sadly died. My cousin is very clear that she has had 2 children: a little girl who died aged 3 and a boy who is now a teenager. It actually came about after I was out shopping with her with my little boy some years ago and a shop keeper asked if she was a mother and she said no. We talked about how inadvertently hurtful it was when mothering a child with cancer involves a lifetime of care concentrated into a shorter window of time. After that, she decided to say yes. Once you have been a mother you are always a mother. Then she had the unexpected joy of a baby in her 40s. He knows he had a sister and that she would have loved being an older sister if she had had a chance. She adored my son when he was a newborn baby.

Ovasaurus · 06/01/2026 09:00

LancashireButterPie · 06/01/2026 08:39

I think I hold the world record for first cousins with 71 (huge Irish families, mum was one of 15 kids and Dad was one of 8). I'm still incredibly close to some of them.
However my own 3DC have just 3 cousins. 2 from my sister and one on DHs side. They aren't particularly close to them either.

My husband trumps that with 85! ditto huge Irish Families

AngelinaFibres · 06/01/2026 08:59

My family has always been small. My parents were both only children so I've never had cousins. I had 2 sons but my 2 brothers are child free by choice so no cousins there. One of my sons has 2 small children. His wife is an only child and her parents are both only children so no big family/ cousins/ aunts etc there.I'm 60 so grandparents and their siblings all long dead. My mum has one cousin who is in contact with her frequently but lives in Scotland ( mums in Herefordshire). They're both in their 80s now so face to face is unlikely to happen again.

LBFseBrom · 06/01/2026 08:58

This happens every so often. I have just had my 76th birthday and remember people deciding to have less children, sometimes none, way back; then later on started settling down later and consequently having less, or none. There seemed to be subtle encouragement for this trend, eg some popular television programmes featured married couples without children, 'The Good Life' for example. The feminist movement too, which I fully supported. Women were always worth more than being housewives and mothers.

Meanwhile there were also people who had more than two children.

It all balances out eventually, I wouldn't worry.

Some families seem to be thinner on the ground, others don't.

I grew up with a mother who was the youngest of ten, my dad had two younger siblings. I had loads of cousins but they all drifted away. Most have died now, their kids have scattered. My son (46) doesn't know any now, it doesn't worry him, he has plenty of friends and a good social life. I only had one child but had intended to have more, other things intervened and I don't regret it, we were happy but sometimes I think it is sad that, for all intents and purposes, when I am gone he'll have nobody of his own flesh and blood that he knows. He doesn't seem bothered, has plenty going on in his life.

That's just how it is, nothing we can do about it. In a few years life will be different for everyone, there will be another trend.

Family gatherings aren't always wonderful, we tend to look back with rose-tinted specs, forgetting the stresses and the arguments.

TimetodoEverything · 06/01/2026 08:57

On all sides of the family it’s an overall reproduction rate of 1, should be 2 to be at replacement rate.

I was once talking to a quite elderly lady who was telling me about the various cousins she was responsible for - sorting out their care home, getting the house sold, overseeing the care. And I thought - shit, I have several cousins who have no children and are single, and I’m the youngest - that’s going to be me responsible for everyone!

DustyMaiden · 06/01/2026 08:56

DM was one of 12, 10 boys 8 casualties of the war, one gay One girl was unable to have DC. DM had 4 , those 4 had 8 . Family is quite large, but not what you would expect from original 12.

SarahAndQuack · 06/01/2026 08:55

I think my parents were the generation/section of that generation who really didn't care much about family and saw big, close families as either slightly embarrassing or old-fashioned. The idea was that you made a success of yourself by leaving your family behind.

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