Is your family shrinking?

No. It avoids the need to write "I'm childless by choice" or whatever. I mean in the context of this thread it makes no difference, but in many situations it's very useful to make that distinction so people know how to react (either neutrally or with some sort of sympathy). I don't understand your problem with the term. It makes me think perhaps you are sensitive that others view having children as an unpleasant thing to be avoided.

Yes, definitely agree with this. I have one sibling and we have 8 cousins. Family gatherings were fun when we were kids and there were always at least 10 of us for Christmas dinner. My sister has no children and I have two, so they have no cousins here. They do however have 6 cousins on my husband's side of the family, but they all live in Ireland, so we don't get to see them that often. I do miss the family gatherings I used to enjoy and hope my girls both go on to have children themselves.

Yes. When I was younger I had a huge family. Many siblings and lots of cousins.

My family is so small now. Family deaths, estrangements and cousins growing up and having their own lives.

This Christmas I spent with my in-laws and it was hell. It was dysfunctional and traumatic and I never want to see them again.

Christmas in my immediate family meant people showing up all day. There was always plenty of food and drink and people were welcome.

Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas any more. My own sibling didn’t even want to see me this year.

It’s so sad. I had one child very late in life and my relationship is too dysfunctional (and I’m too old) to have another.

I know people who haven’t been able to have children at all because they never could sustain a relationship or they weren’t financially able to support a family.

Yup, my mum and her 2 siblings had 5 children, and those 5 children have only had 2 children (we may try for another). My son has no cousins on my side as I am an only child. And the other child won’t have cousins either.

I think I buck the trend. I had one sibling and one cousin growing up.

My 2 DC obviously have 1 sibling each, and 6 cousins.

No my family is much bigger. My mum is an only child, my dad had one sister who only had one child (P). We had quiet but fun christmases. Now - I have a brother. I have 3 kids. P has 3 kids (1 of whom already has 2 kids and there will be loads to come). Not to mention P has a blended family of 2 more kids. Family gatherings are massive now. Especially since they all bring their partners.

Yes, for sure. My DD is an only child, DB is child free and we don’t have much contact with extended family for a number of reasons. I grew up with a lot of cousins, always off somewhere with them, but it hasn’t been DD’s experience at all.

My DP has quite a lot of nephews and nieces and their dynamic is a lot more similar to what mine was as a child.

My parents have 3 grandchildren in total, from 3 children. Both parents came from large 6/9 child Catholic families. On my husband's side there are just 2 grandchildren from 2 children (also large Catholic family backgrounds). Last two generations are mostly atheist (except at funerals and weddings) and university educated so the drop in numbers has come with an improvement in lifestyle.

Society generally sees childlessness as a misfortune. Calling yourself childfree makes it a positive thing and makes it clear you have chosen it.

That's been happening for years in my family.

I'm nearly 66. My mum had 5 siblings. She wanted to have 3 children, she told me, but miscarried after having me.

One of her siblings was childless; one had 3 and the others each had 2.

One of my cousins has one child; the others each have two. (I'm childless, but not through choice.)

Two cousins each have 3 grandchildren (each from the one child, if that makes sense). The rest have 2, 1 or 0 and it's unlikely that more will come along.

On my dad's side, it's a very similar tale.

My kids have more cousins than I did. However I knew my cousins (all 2 of them) really well despite them living 100 miles away. Christmas and Easters and often a holiday spent with them.

My kids have 8 cousins, but barely know any of them. 2 are via DH's estranged brother and they are over 10 years older than them anyway, so have no contact at all with them. 2 are similar age but in Finland. 2 are about 10 years younger and are in Malaysia so have never met them. And the 2 that are in this country, and are the same age, and should be ideal friends, live 200 miles away and don't my DBIL doesn't really prioritise family preferring holidays with friends etc.

Its really sad

Not really. It conjures up the definition, they dont have children.
Making up "childfree" to avoid using the usual term makes it sound like they have such sensitivites about being childless that they need to frame children as a negative thing and then the topic needs to be delicately avoided.

No. I have 16 biological aunts/uncles and most of them had children. The majority of their children also had children. No one speaks to each other though so it’s not like having an actual large family as I could walk past an aunt/uncle/cousin/grandparent in the street and not have any idea who they are.

I have 6 cousins all from my mums side, dad is an only child. My husband has more cousins than he can count and they all have children, but we don’t see any of them as he hasn’t kept in touch with his family. My kids have no cousins and won’t have any due to age / circumstances/ choices of siblings and are the only 2 children in our immediate family. I do think I’d like another just to boost their numbers, but I’m getting older and my second pregnancy was high risk so I don’t think it’s worth the gamble. I love my family but do also feel a pang of envy at people with bigger families.

hmm the same at the moment, my mothers side i have 4 cousins, my children on my side have 4 cousins but i have 2 younger sisters and a younger brother who are only just hitting their 20s so they may have more cousins at some point xx

Definitely. My DD has no siblings or cousins! She does still have both sets of grandparents, but when they pass there will be one auntie and uncle on each “side” (neither of whom will ever have children so the family is def not ever getting bigger) and that’s it.

That being said, I had a load of aunties and uncles and cousins growing up and we barely ever saw them.

My maternal GM had 6 children (one died in infancy) - paternal GM had just one. Maternal GM had 10 Gdcs.

I’m one of 4 siblings - we’ve had 5 dcs between us. Of my two dds, one has 3
dcs, the other has none, from choice.

Dh is also one of 4 - 11 DCs between them.

One set of my grandparents had 11 grandchildren from 4 children the other set.had 14 from 6 children.
My parents have 7 grandchildren from 4 children. MIL has 5 from 2 children.
So yes I would agree some families are shrinking.
However my DHs uncle and aunt have 10 grandchildren from 3 children so guess it depends on the family.

Husband and I are both 1 of 3 kids. There are 7 kids between me and my siblings, but only 3 on my husnband's side.

Yes, my parents and husbands parents came from families of 6 and the normal number of kids their siblings had was 3 in our generation the number of children myself and our cousins have had ranges between 0 and 2 at most. One child or no children seems to be the norm. Most of the people I know who have any children had one at the last possible moment and that's it.

The thing is with cousins you're maybe close to them when little but as you get older, you grow much closer to your friends. My parents both come from enormous families, around 40 first cousins each and I've never met any of them yet my parents childhood friends were very much part of our lives. I would struggle to think of anyone I know that has a closer relationship to their cousin than close friends as an adult.

I have 2 children. I’d have another except my pregnancies are very risky and I don’t want to leave my current 2 without their mum!

They have no cousins. My husband is an only child and my brother doesn’t want children. I only had 2 cousins myself (mums two siblings didn’t have any children, and dads sister had 2 children) but my husband has 8. My children have lots of 2nd cousins as a result (18 in total) who we consider to be their cousins.

Yes we’re in this position too. Our relative wealth is low compared the previous generation and I doubt very much the way things are going it’s going to get better for us our my kids who have SEN. But my DC will benefit from our parents, aunts/uncles and siblings who have chosen not to have children themselves.

Yes - I literally couldn't count how many cousins I had growing up. I never even met them all, couldn't remember half their names. It was just the way it was, my mum has 6 siblings, my dad had 5. All of them had at least three children each, probably. They didn't have much, but they had enough to sustain large families on (usually) one wage, and that's the crux of the matter isn't it?

My children have 8 cousins, which sounds a lot but actually, for our family this is incredibly few - and all my 4 brothers are done having children now, this is the final number of cousins. They have no cousins on DH's side at all - he has one brother and he doesn't want children.

We're heading for a reckoning. Those who bullied, denigrated and shamed people for having children they "couldn't afford" are suddenly tight-lipped whenever the aging population crisis is brought up.

Yes. My generation is 7 cousins. Between us and partners (13 people in total - one cousin is single), we only have 5 children and very unlikely to have more.

This is down to a combination of choosing to be childfree, not meeting anyone they wanted to have a child with, and life-limiting illnesses with a genetic component.

I’m childfree by choice and also unable to have children. Weirdly, the shrinking of our family is the only aspect of not having children that makes me sad.