Thinking of divorcing to protect his inheritance

You do realise that inheritance is not considered a marital asset in divorce anyway?

Only if it has been used for the benefit of both parties/put in a joint account and it can be proved the other party had access to it that might change.

I'm still legally married to my ex husband, we've been separated for over a decade, his father died last year and left him half a million. I don't expect to see any of it.

This is mental. "I'm happily married but thinking of divorcing him just incase......"

He's not died and your talking about remarriage, if you did that then you would get legal advice to stop it passing to your new husband ie. new will drawn up, tenants in common, trust deed etc. all of which you could do now if this is such a concern to you to protect yourself and him financially in the future.

Blimey OP, even wealthy victorians would leave money to their servants after death, and here you are worrying about whether you, as a devoted wife, mother, and daughter-in-law, should be in line for "your husband's family's" wealth? What are you, the family pet?

This is definitely a reverse
Goodness
🤣

Making a family and a happy marriage is not gold digging. Caring for children is not gold digging. Caring for an autistic child is not gold digging. Know your worth OP. You being a SAHM is what has allowed your PIL and your DH to thrive in business. You earned this too. If anyone mentions anything like that again you simply say "two decades, three children, one with additional care needs - if I'm gold digging then I've more than earned my gold!"

Yes exactly, if you divorce and your Dh remarried and died, your kids will be disinherited.

Draw up a family trust and get wills sorted. Does your autistic child claim DLA? If they may need support their whole lives they may be eligible for a vulnerable persons trust which has tax benefits - that is something worth exploring if you inherit money. It’s absolutely worth having these financial discussions early, but if your marriage is solid then don’t divorce! That makes no financial sense. It benefits DH only, not you and not your children.

This is marriage. Your DMIL will have her care paid for by the earnings her and DFIL accumulated. Or do you think she shouldn't get her care paid because it wasn't her business? When you marry, you become family and you share. You are overthinking this. You are DH family. When he loses his parents, you as part of DH family will inherit, and your children after you.

Do you suffer from depression OP? You sound so utterly convinced about this yet it really doesn't make sense. Your husband doesn't want a divorce - it's all in your own head.

I think years and years of being worn down by the strain of caring for a SN child and twins and in laws belittling your contribution has done a number on your mental health and self esteem. Your husband sounds nice and I expect would be horrified if you voiced your thoughts though I think you should share them with him as it's weighing very heavily on you.

Can you see your GP and a counsellor to work through your feelings?

I'm terms of ensuring the money stays in the family for your children, that's simple. If you're widowed or divorced, just don't remarry and don't piss it all up the wall. My husband and I have openly discussed and agreed this (we've both inherited and agree any assets remaining at the death of who passes last should ultimately end up with our own children). I know it's not a legal bar to remarrying as it's "only" a promise but we are both happy with that.

Will in children's favour.
Don't take any of his inheritance if you divorce, it's not compulsory.

Seems simple enough to me?

He bought a business in installments he wasn’t exactly Jeff bezos! It’s turned out well, which is great but it just as easily could’ve not.

ignore them. The persons whose opinion matters is you and your husbands.

it’s not even a bloody inheritance! Your family unit owns the business, not the in-laws.

This is total idiocy. Purely from a tax viewpoint your bloke is better off married as there’s no inheritance tax if he dies first. Stop catastrophising and get a grip.

Stop being ridiculous. Why would the money go to a new partner? You have children?

write a will to leave any assets to them.

you haven’t worked for 2 decades to support your family and children of course family money is yours.

now you’ve thought about it, make sure should it potentially arise his family £ stays with his family. It’s that simple

Your in-laws thoughts are irrelevant frankly. The business was bought from them. They should shut up.

Hope you're okay OP, and that you can see the wood for the trees after some sleep.

One thing to keep in mind. You're obviously having some sort of crisis of confidence, but please consider what it would feel like for your husband if you propose this. I am the breadwinner in our house, and I would be so, so gutted if DH wanted a divorce because I was coming into money. I am a bit like you in some ways- I do have poor me tendencies, and tend to overreact when I'm feeling insecure (which is often!) but that train of thought often leads us to do hurtful things when we're in martyr mode!

wtf? Also if this reassures you, his inheritance wouldn’t be classed as matrimonial property and would only be allocated to you on divorce to meet your needs. It wouldn’t be split equally as a matter of course. This is such a weird weird post.

There’s always been a bit of an undercurrent with my in laws about me not working. Hints about being a gold digger, etc

Wow - after providing them with 3 gc’s and staying home to look after the one with special needs to enable your dh to build his business and help his df? What utterly nasty twats.

Yes, this is my thought too.

That’s a crazy way to think - especially after a 21 year marriage and being a sahm for 18 years.

Im not sure I believe this is real but yeah - crazy.

The company that his family started - that is "yours" in exactly the same way that the money your husband brings home is "yours" because it was paid for through your DH's earnings which required you at home caring for your DC and going through those "lean years" together.

Any money from your DH's inheritance can be put into trust for your DC rather than for your DH (DH can do this or his parents can set this up to bypass DH) which would protect them from the scenario of DH dying and you remarrying someone who gets the money.

I hope this is a random middle of the night thought. Divorcing while staying together he would lose tax benefits of being married too. But that counts for little compared to the bonkers-ness of divorcing while staying together in case you would divorce later.

Don’t be daft @Changeofnameforprivacy

You and your husband are a team. You share the good and the bad in life. You’re his equal partner and he would probably be upset at the suggestion of divorce even if just to benefit him financially.

Even if he does die before you and you meet another man, you could choose at that stage to pass his family money directly to your 3 children if you would feel guilty about spending it yourself. But tbh you are overthinking it because the situation at the moment is you’re together and happily married.

Has he said something even vaguely that makes you think it is on his mind
it must be something to have you awake and thinking about it at this time of night

I don't get it. Just don't get married again! Marriage isn't an obligatory destination when entering any relationship these days.

If it bothers you that much, just get him to write his will so that the "family" money goes straight to DC rather than you. Sorted.

Thia seems like a him problem. If he wants to protect thia stuff in case of divorce and death, he should be taking to lawyers and asking for the divorce. Not you. You really don't need to divorce him and leave yourself with nothing to protect his assets. If he wants it, let him initiate and handle this.

Hope you had a good night’s sleep and woke up less daft, OP! You deserve good things. Not only your DC and DH do, but you do too.

Low self esteem op and feelings of not being worthy
It's very sad your DH and his family have treated you like this and made you feel like this.
Boiled frogs syndrome.

As pp said think about your perception of yourself and why you don't feel worthy.