Thinking of divorcing to protect his inheritance

Jeez Louise - people marry billionaires for a couple of years and walk away with a ton of money. You’ve helped bring up this bloke’s kids for 20 years and are a partnership.

I think at the heart of this is you have some self esteem issues around not earning. Would you feel better if you did now carve out some kind of career for yourself?

OP you sound lovely, but this is nuts.

It's your family's hard earned money. You are not some floating, separate orbiting presence in your family. YOU are important, YOU made all this happen just as much as your DH. Give yourself a stern talking to.

And fuck your snooty, side-eyeing in-laws.

This does sound absolutely bonkers without the context of you feeling like the poor relation/gold digger for 20 years.

I can appreciate you not wanting to feel like you're reinforcing his family's opinion (not sure if it is their real opinion or just what you perceive it to be) of you, especially if its something that you've felt uncomfortable about for a long time.

But your suggestion is still unreasonable, don't divorce your husband that you seem to be in a loving, happy, healthy relationship with!

Maybe talk to him about this insecurity of yours, just to air it all out. I'm sure he'll reassure you that he's always valued the very important role you've played in your family, just as I'm sure you value the role he has played.

Absolutely no need to divorce to protect/allocate his assets for the kids. You need to speak to a solicitor about trusts. You can legally allocate assets within the will, or set up trusts in his lifetime if the assets are that high. It would be good estate planning anyway, to ensure inheritance tax is considered.

Hope some sleep has helped reduce the overthinking. Have a chat as a family about what you want to do and then put the legal framework in place. But also let him make sure you are taken care of as well, as you mentioned, you have worked for the family and thats just the position you are all in. Thankfully very fortunate and financially secure.

Marriage vows: for better or for worse.
youve worked as a team and ridden lean years, now you’ll have some good years, although nothing is guaranteed until the money is in your bank.

dont over think it. I think this is unnecessary hand wringing to be honest, in the nicest way. His assets are protected because he is married to you, who is his partner and not wanting to screw him over.

then your children will be set up in future if that’s what you both decide. It’s how generational wealth works.

He would not have been able to buy the business without your domestic support. It's that simple with regard to the business side of things - his parents sold it to him, they didn't give it to him (and even if they did, it still stands).

With regard to the cash inheritance - whether you work or not has no bearing on whether you should share in that. Some people keep it hived off, others don't -it's up to you. I definitely would consider it to be part of the marital pot - you have been married to him in good faith and (it sounds) happily for many years, and it's the luck of the draw in that situation whether one or both parties happens to have parents who have much to leave.

You sound very anxious and as if you may have internalised his family's views (or your perception of their views). Don't even think about getting divorced.

It would be sensible to take some advice about estate planning etc which could include discussions with a solicitor about how to protect assets and make sure they go to your children rather than to some randoms. (This works both ways- imagine you die, he remarries then he dies leaving everything to the new wife who then cuts your children out. It's not only about you potentially remarrying.) This is pretty standard stuff and it would be sensible to consider it together.

Re divorce- post-nups do carry weight in England and could be used to protect his assets (provided you follow the correct steps and what is agreed is fair). But there doesn't seem to be any need here for a post-nup at all.

No, but it can certainly make sure you get the best out of Not paying it unnecessarily. My parents Will was worded so well that once probate was completed we were under the inheritance rule.

If ge wants to keep his inheritance from you and stop it counting as joint marital assets he can keep those funds separately and not spend them on the family.

He can also leave the money to the children In his will or set up a trust.

You don't need to divorce. Also if you get divorced just because you can take something don't mean you have to or you should.

I think at this stage you spent a lifetime together. Your contribution isn't worth less than his. Without you he wouldn't have the family or home that he has.

Just don't get remarried. Stop being weird about this!

In the scenario where the OP selflessly divorces her DH so that she can't benefit from his money, there is nothing to prevent him marrying somebody else who would be quite happy to have all of his money.

Assuming that they stay together and only pretend to be divorced, the only people who benefit will be HMRC who will presumably get paid early because the marriage rules won't apply.

Im beginning to think this isn’t genuine and is written by some MRA to generate debate over whether women are entitled to marital assets. Or maybe to present some weird view about how a woman would ideally act if she wasn’t at heart a gold-digger. The fear around remarriage in particular seems made up because if you’re that worried, don’t get remarried. So bizarre.

I am an M&A tax advisor and we always tell clients selling their companies that a transaction is a great time to not only think about the tax on the transaction itself (and I hope your husband has thought about that especially with a 3.5 year earn out which is at the lengthier end of the EO scale) but also what comes next. IHT planning immediately before a transaction to get shares (rather than cash) into a trust and so benefit from BR/BPR as well as succession planning and how much money you will have need in the future is highly recommended. Many firms including mine have both wealth and tax planning advisors who work together to help you think about this stuff with no charges for introductory meetings.

Maybe if you show your in-laws that you are thinking about stuff like this, how to ensure the kids benefit but in a structured, responsible way this will lighten your mental load and reassure them to (not that I think you need to in any way - you have more than done your share of allowing him to build up this company etc but I have a similar situation with my parents and their attitude to my husband who has been the SAHP AND literally built our house while I was the main financial earner so I get the weirdness).

Wills don't make any difference to inheritance tax.

This is crazy thinking. Is it a reverse written by the man actually?

If it is genuine - the only remotely plausable concern is the possibility that he predeceases you and you remarry - if you don't at that point remake yor will ringfencing your first husband's wealth to be inherited by his children then yes some of that wealth could go into the "wrong" family. Getting divorced to guard against that scenario is like using a nuclear bomb to swat a fly. You just... make sure that your Will is kept up to date if that ever happens.

Over the last 18 years you have operated as a partnership and every penny of the wealth is just as much yours as his. As husband and wife you are a team and he would not be where he is without you. Neither of you gets to keep this wealth forever though, there are no pockets in a shroud. When you die it will be inherited by your children, and when they die it will go to your grandchildren. The inheritance from his parents is on this same track and eventual destination.

While you stay married, there shoukd be no concept of "yours" and "his" - everything is owned jointly including his inheritance and it doesn't matter. If you divorce it is right and proper that everything is split 50:50 because the point and purpose of marriage is to tie two people together into a partnership where both prosper equally - either both rich or both poor. That was what gave you thr stability to birth and parent his children who will inherit the wealth.

You want to divorce your husband to protect your children against you remarrying and giving their inheritance to your new husband?

Don't be daft.

If you divorce you can make whatever agreement between you that you want. Even if a court orders something else, you don't have to do it, noone checks.

It's the sort of thing I come up with in the middle of the night! I'm actually relieved to see someone else has about as much financial savvy as me.

OP bless you, I hope you can relax a bit and enjoy a happy marriage and a comfortable future! 💐

This sounds like the most bonkers fever dream ever! Totally bizarre

But another scenario is that if he died and I remarried and his family money could be inherited by another man. That just doesn’t feel right to me.

Why are you worrying about marrying another man who you haven't met in a scenario that hasn't happened yet?

The other thing to consider is if you divorce now, fine, money is separate, but then what if you do split? What if he remarries and leaves everything to his new wife.. your kids could be completely cut off.

You need to stop being so daft.

I really hope the op has taken the feedback on board. Seriously this thinking could not be more irrational. Celebrate the business success. Continue supporting your family. See someone if you keep thinking absolutely crazy things like you should divorce him now.

Those threads about money/wills are getting weirder and weirder.

Absolutely crazy to do this IMO.

If it really is that important to you, then you could just have a plan in your own head that if you were ever to split then you would let him keep the lions share of whatever the firm sold for/inheritance, it doesn't have to be legally binding for you to adhere to it.

You don't have to prove anything to anyone, but that seems to be where the motivation is coming from here.

Scenario is bizarre. You have several children with this man, both working hard (in different capacities). Unless the marriage is and always has been unstable why divorce?
A solicitor would advise a water tight Will protecting your interests and that of the family.

• We realised without a Will in place not only did the government step in and say thank you very much for the inheritance tax, our son as a minor could have lost his inheritance to his uncle if anything happened to us. A will covers all eventuality (which happens and did when our daughter died before us).

Proper divorce solicitor could take your husband to the cleaners.