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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thinking of divorcing to protect his inheritance

258 replies

Changeofnameforprivacy · 06/01/2026 00:09

Ok this is going to be a weird one.

With dh for 21 years and a sahm for 18 years by mutual agreement. When we met he was working in his dad’s business, owned his (mortgaged) house. I had a small amount of savings, earned slightly more than him. I lost my job a couple of months before we married, when my skills became obsolete and I started retraining. Then got pregnant and recession hit, and no one was hiring in my new field. I didn’t intend to become a sahm, but we decided to have a second dc while the job market was depressed rather than spreading our family out as we’d initially planned. Dc2 turned out to be dc2 and dc3. Then dc1 was diagnosed with autism and I’ve been as sahm ever since.

Since then, fil retired and dh bought the company off him, paying him in instalments over 15 years. We’ve had some lean years when the company struggled. I would have liked to get back to work but we’d have been worse off financially and had a lower standard of living too. But I’ve always felt that my contribution was equal to dh’s, just different and he has said similar.

However, things are about to change. Dh has negotiated the sale of the company at a very good price, with plans to retire in 5 years time (18 months to complete the sale, with a 3 and a half year earn out). Eventually (hopefully not for a long time though) we anticipate a significant inheritance from his dps who are elderly and in declining health. They have significant investments, and even if they need expensive healthcare couldn’t spend it all. On the other hand I don’t expect to inherit anything from mine as I have a sibling with extra needs who will have to be provided for, and may even need some help from usgoing forward. I’m feeling deeply uncomfortable about it all.

Up to now, if we had broken up, I’d have had no hesitation about dividing the assets down the middle. Despite not contributing financially, I’ve pulled my weight and supported dh’s career at every turn, and done the lions share of parenting. But this money feels like his family money - a company his dad set up, inheritance from them. It feels like the balance of power has tilted. Up to now either of us could have walked away, but now I feel he will be trapped.

We could draw up an agreement that I wouldn’t get any of this money in the event of a split but it wouldn’t stand up if I changed my mind later. I know I keep talking about splitting up, and it’s not on our radar at all. We’re very happy together. But one of the strengths of modern marriage is that people can call time if needed, and walk away if they’re no longer happy.

But another scenario is that if he died and I remarried and his family money could be inherited by another man. That just doesn’t feel right to me.

I’ve been lying here in bed, turning this over and over in my head since he told me this earlier today and I think the fairest solution would be for us to divorce now, draw up a fair settlement and then just continue to cohabitate. The dc would inherit everything, as is fair. They’ll all be adults by the time he retires so I wouldn’t have to be involved at all.

Knowing him, he won’t see it like this at all. But honestly I think I’m right about this. AIBU?

OP posts:
InfoSecInTheCity · 06/01/2026 12:26

Absolute insanity.

If you were to split up then all marital assets including any inheritances that might happen between now and then are rightfully shared assets.

If your DH were to die and you were to meet someone else then you could choose not to marry safeguarding inheritance for your DC or you could write a comprehensive will preventing inheritance of assets you bought into the marriage by your new DH.

Divorcing and putting yourself in a position where you could be left penniless in your old age is just madness and completely against the concept of marriage and a shared relationship with a spouse.

Wishingitwaswinter · 06/01/2026 12:21

I'm going through a divorce now. Don't worry, you're not entitled to a single penny of his inheritance if you split up. This by law is untouchable.

TinyCottageGirl · 06/01/2026 12:17

If you're not even considering divorce now, why are you even thinking about this? Just get wills written up that outline your suggestions..
Eventually I imagine some/most of this money will go to your children anyway - which I'm sure their grandparents would be fine with?

Newyearawaits · 06/01/2026 12:15

KabukiNoh · 06/01/2026 00:15

WTF are you on about? Seems like writing wills would be easier than a divorce when you are happy in your marriage. I am not following your logic AT ALL!

This in abundance.
You have too much time to think about such mumbo jumbo, none of which is adding up

Branleuse · 06/01/2026 12:11

You're his loving wife and mother of his children. You are what he's been working for. It's OK for you to benefit from his future inheritance. You aren't cinderella.
Stop with the self hatred and be proud of what you and your husband have achieved together, and hopefully you will both reap rewards and have a lovely retirement together

Love2read12 · 06/01/2026 12:06

Been a stay at home mum for years. 3 kids brought up and like you say did lions share of parenting. Albeit at no point have we ever said who does what /works or kids as being more than the other. We are a team. I gave up 6 figure salary 13 years ago (just gone back) and my husband sold 3 family businesses for lots. Let’s say no mortgage, pensions maximum (when it had a max). No money worries etc plenty for a long time & more. Anyway the point is this would never cross my mind to have felt undeserving of this wealth as it came via his family business. Neither would he or his family. This is honestly very strange to read. I can’t see any logic at all.

BadgernTheGarden · 06/01/2026 12:02

He could write his will so his money goes to your children not you (with your agreement in writing, in case you wanted to dispute it in the future). What you are suggesting is daft.

Lmnop22 · 06/01/2026 11:58

Not only are you assuming you’ll divorce but you’re assuming you’ll change your mind and take all his money, marry another man and allow this fictional other man to inherit the money.

If you got divorced, you’d just agree to keep that money separate if you wanted to. If he died, you’d either put it all in DC’s names or not marry anyone in the future to allow them to get their hands on it.

You’re effectively worrying about what will happen if you develop into a greedy money grabbing cow in circumstances when you’re clearly the opposite because of how much you’re worrying about getting/diseminating money unfairly!

Frugalgal · 06/01/2026 11:55

Changeofnameforprivacy · 06/01/2026 00:09

Ok this is going to be a weird one.

With dh for 21 years and a sahm for 18 years by mutual agreement. When we met he was working in his dad’s business, owned his (mortgaged) house. I had a small amount of savings, earned slightly more than him. I lost my job a couple of months before we married, when my skills became obsolete and I started retraining. Then got pregnant and recession hit, and no one was hiring in my new field. I didn’t intend to become a sahm, but we decided to have a second dc while the job market was depressed rather than spreading our family out as we’d initially planned. Dc2 turned out to be dc2 and dc3. Then dc1 was diagnosed with autism and I’ve been as sahm ever since.

Since then, fil retired and dh bought the company off him, paying him in instalments over 15 years. We’ve had some lean years when the company struggled. I would have liked to get back to work but we’d have been worse off financially and had a lower standard of living too. But I’ve always felt that my contribution was equal to dh’s, just different and he has said similar.

However, things are about to change. Dh has negotiated the sale of the company at a very good price, with plans to retire in 5 years time (18 months to complete the sale, with a 3 and a half year earn out). Eventually (hopefully not for a long time though) we anticipate a significant inheritance from his dps who are elderly and in declining health. They have significant investments, and even if they need expensive healthcare couldn’t spend it all. On the other hand I don’t expect to inherit anything from mine as I have a sibling with extra needs who will have to be provided for, and may even need some help from usgoing forward. I’m feeling deeply uncomfortable about it all.

Up to now, if we had broken up, I’d have had no hesitation about dividing the assets down the middle. Despite not contributing financially, I’ve pulled my weight and supported dh’s career at every turn, and done the lions share of parenting. But this money feels like his family money - a company his dad set up, inheritance from them. It feels like the balance of power has tilted. Up to now either of us could have walked away, but now I feel he will be trapped.

We could draw up an agreement that I wouldn’t get any of this money in the event of a split but it wouldn’t stand up if I changed my mind later. I know I keep talking about splitting up, and it’s not on our radar at all. We’re very happy together. But one of the strengths of modern marriage is that people can call time if needed, and walk away if they’re no longer happy.

But another scenario is that if he died and I remarried and his family money could be inherited by another man. That just doesn’t feel right to me.

I’ve been lying here in bed, turning this over and over in my head since he told me this earlier today and I think the fairest solution would be for us to divorce now, draw up a fair settlement and then just continue to cohabitate. The dc would inherit everything, as is fair. They’ll all be adults by the time he retires so I wouldn’t have to be involved at all.

Knowing him, he won’t see it like this at all. But honestly I think I’m right about this. AIBU?

This can't be real.

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 06/01/2026 11:52

TheaBrandt1 · 06/01/2026 11:28

He can easily do a will protecting you for your lifetime but ensuring on your death your kids inherit his estate and not anyone you have married / the cats home if you changed your will. Available with any half decent solicitor or will writer.

Only if he puts his estate into a Trust for the children. You can't ringfence an inheritance without one.

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 06/01/2026 11:50

You'd be an absolute fool to do this, OP.

Not to mention how unsettling it would be for your children.

And, like it as not, it would undermine your relationship with your DH.

Poodleville · 06/01/2026 11:37

This is stranger than the post about lasagne yesterday.

Just see a consultant to get your Wills drawn up together. You can both make sure your kids are the main beneficiares if that's what you both want.

TheaBrandt1 · 06/01/2026 11:34

Actually if you have a larger estate and a vulnerable dc you need proper wills in place
anyway to ensure their share is protected for them. Otherwise it goes straight to them at 18 which could be disastrous.

Genevieva · 06/01/2026 11:29

skyeisthelimit · 06/01/2026 10:58

I don't think the DH has said anything at all has he?, I think it is all OP's overthinking on how to sort it all in the future.

Show quote history

I think you might be right. It is all based on hypotheticals. If he inherits (and his inheritance hasn’t been spent in care needs); If they divorce; if she were to remarry; if she were to prioritise a future husband over her own children. It all seems very unlikely, given it’s not something she thinks is fair!

TheaBrandt1 · 06/01/2026 11:28

He can easily do a will protecting you for your lifetime but ensuring on your death your kids inherit his estate and not anyone you have married / the cats home if you changed your will. Available with any half decent solicitor or will writer.

Hellohelga · 06/01/2026 11:24

This post is bonkers

Blondiebeach · 06/01/2026 11:24

This is EASILY the most BAT SHIT thing I have ever read on here.

You want to divorce your DH, so that if he dies you don't inherit his money? Why?

My DH is set to inherit a few million from his parents. If he dies before me, then I will get it, and when I die my kids will get it - and they're not even DH's kids! So what?

TallulahBetty · 06/01/2026 11:10

Have you heard of a 'will'? Quite a common concept.

Fantomfartflinger · 06/01/2026 11:08

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 06/01/2026 00:36

This is a reverse isn’t it.

That was my first thought after reading op

I do sympathise with someone not wanting their family and parents money going sideways via a divorce though.

I think it is why pre and post nips are getting more popular.

Sudagame · 06/01/2026 11:06

Just make your will to leave everything to your DC, appointing trustees in case they are still minors. That would solve the 'new man's getting it all'' scenario . Would probably make your awful in laws feel better that at least their DGC would end up with their money eventually (unless you blew it all obviously. but you don't sound the type).
One thing though, do you think if your PILs resent you/think of you as a gold digger, they might or might have already taken it out on your DH and left him less or bypassed him for your DC or a sibling if he has any..
Similar thing happened in our family where the wealthy DGPs were so determined a second wife in this instance, was not going to benefit from their fortune that they bypassed their son/my BIL.
But if you're sure he is getting this inheritance then just go with the flow and enjoy it and ignore your in laws. It's what your DH and DC think of you that's important.

skyeisthelimit · 06/01/2026 10:58

Genevieva · 06/01/2026 09:29

If he’s sensible he will do a deed of variation to skip a generation.

But I don’t think that’s the issue here. I think he needs to realise the divorce can be expensive and he is lucky to have a loving wife, so he should stop undermining his marriage by casting aspersions about her intent to steal his inheritance.

Show quote history

I don't think the DH has said anything at all has he?, I think it is all OP's overthinking on how to sort it all in the future.

BestZebbie · 06/01/2026 10:55

You say 'family money' - are you not part of your husband's family by now, then? Do you have their surname, by any chance? Are you blood related to their blood relatives? Do you visit or host them over Christmas?

Purplebunnie · 06/01/2026 10:54

I thought this was going to be a thread about him wanting to divorce you to protect his inheritance. I'm not understanding you at all. You don't seem to value the input you have put into this marriage, please value yourself

Fundays12 · 06/01/2026 10:43

Hang on a minute you are happily married and both of you decided to have children which you then gave up your career to stay at home and raise whilst he built a successful business. Is that right?

Now that business partly built of the back of you being at home so he could committ to it is succeeding and you dont think you are entitled to some of it the assets from it? Is that right?

This is madness if so. The business succeeded partly because of your sacrifices in your career. He is married to you end off. Why sabotage a good relationship for what if?

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 06/01/2026 10:38

Oh my god. Do not set up a trap for yourself out of moral reasons.

Your DH is happy with life as is so there’s no reason for you to complicate it just to prove to your in-laws you’re not a gold digger. If they’re iffy about you, they’d just find a new excuse to try and hold against you.

My ex in-laws were like that and sort of like you, I went above and beyond to show I wasn’t a gold digger. It was stupid and I regret it. My situation turned out very different from yours but the bottom line is similar, don’t make yourself any smaller just to prove something. What matters is what your DH thinks.