DH withdrawing too much cash

It doesn’t sounds like @scotspancake86 actually wants advice because she doesn’t want to change anything for her nice house. As a child of an alcoholic, as kids grow up they see and feel more than you ever know and it can absolutley damage them, if imagibe it’s the same for a coke head who is in bed till lunchtime too.

Do you have your own individual current account? If not, I'd say open one, have your wages paid into it and just pay into the joint account from there for household bills etc.

Does sound dodgy of him, especially the refusal to discuss it, sorry.

I’d imagine it’s cocaine. I’d also imagine your children are aware they have a useless father. Kids are extremely perceptive. It’s up to you, but in a situation where there’s an alcoholic, potentially drug-taking parent in the house, one who’s pretty much checked out of parenting, I’d be getting my ducks in a row PDQ. His moods will only worsen over time.

Cocaine especially if hes up till 4am, most acoholics would fall asleep after getting pissed not stay up till 4am most nights. You would be suprised some cocaine addicts are extremely good at hiding it.

He’s an addict, he’s drinking or maybe drugs. It will grind you down. You don’t want to leave because of being able to afford a nicer place, if he becomes an unfunctional alcoholic can you afford the house yourself? Or will you be happy when instead of functional in the afternoon it becomes the evenings or night before he can pull himself around?
as people tend to spiral down when they don’t want to get help.

Put your kids first for Gods sake

Also, you can buy drug testing kits for use at home, so you could swab his wallet/laptop etc to see if it tests positive for coke.

Sounds like you are hoping it will be good enough for the medium term. Please at least make plans to protect yourself and your children practically, financially and emotionally from the potential decline into full blown addiction. Don’t put your career and life on the back burner for the sake of his.

If he was drinking wouldn’t you be able to tell/smell it on him? My dh only needs to have one or two and I can tell straight away.

Have you not popped downstairs at 1/2am to see what he’s up to?

What a loser, sitting in his living room snorting coke until 4am every day.

OP, it probably wouldn’t be obvious if he was taking coke. If anything, it would ‘straighten him out’ from the drink. He would, at first glance at least, seem quite sober and together. He’s possibly looking at porn/maybe even cam girls or something like that while he’s downstairs. The main issue though, as PP said, is that you can’t trust him.
try and have a chat with him, try and come from a place of care and concern; you never know he might open up and admit things have got out of hand.
wish you the best of luck with it all.💚🤞

I wouldn't want to be in a situation where I needed to monitor someone else's spending. It doesn't really matter what he is doing with the money. The problem is you can't trust him.

I’d never trust him and is a good example of why women should have and control their own money . Looks like he’s leading you down a path that won’t end well .

Open your eyes op. He’s an alcoholic.

100% it is not better staying for the kids. That’s just an excuse.

look up ‘adult children of alcoholics’ for what you will be doing to them by choosing to stay.

My Dad is an alcoholic. My mum stayed ‘for the kids’. We all have issues now (me and siblings). And the person who I resent the most is my mother - she wasn’t brave enough to leave him when she should have been the adult and done the right thing. She believed his lies when he said he was cutting down etc. I have a poor relationship with her now as an adult and I’ve had years of counselling to help with the trauma.

BTW she would also say we loved him, that we weren’t aware as she shielded us from the worst. We were completely aware. It’s impossible to hide.

it’s also not a static illness. He will get worse.

you need to stop burying your head in the sand here. Sorry to sound harsh but you need to hear this.

Yeah I was thinking coke too.

Alcohol purchases are easily hidden on debit card transactions, but dealers want cash.

He has traded one addiction for another, or possibly he always used coke but when he quit the booze, the coke use increased.

@scotspancake86 not really immediately helpful but I’d copy his withdrawals. Take out the same amount if you can and start a secret fund if you have t already got one.

you say you can’t leave yet but are you planning to? Is it a case of ducks in a row and sorting out a home/finances or something to do with the children/their ages or health?

good luck

My first thought was coke.

Yeah I thought it could be this too

He’s an addict

Cash is for drugs, no reason to withdraw if he could just buy alcohol at the supermarket.

Order a test off Amazon and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know, really.

My ex h was doing this when he was building up a cash stack before he did a runner.

most likely still drinking but also doing coke

Good plan .

yep deffo coke . My former partner had the same trick , he slept in the living room a lot and I used to find the bags under the rug. He used to be awake all night and didn’t want me to suspect and they do say if the addict is doing coke at home on their own it’s a bigger problem than you know coz coke is a social drug. It will have gone past that stage .
He’s no longer with us …

Have you checked his car or the bins to see if you can find evidence of cans etc to see if he’s drinking ?

Check your house and make sure there's no drugs there because that's my bet.

Drugs, gambling, sex workers, and or alcohol. Given the even amounts, likely drugs.